Saturday, November 5, 2016

Turds or Tunes? It’s a toss-up for the Great and Powerful Rooster of Fernbrook Resort Freelton



Turds or Tunes? It’s a toss-up for the Great and Powerful Rooster of Fernbrook Resort Freelton
How about a song about turds?

“This is frickin’ ridiculous,” the Great and Powerful Rooster was overheard tearfully remarking to a friend. “First it was Neil Diamond and now it’s Van Morrison.”

"I feel so sad!" remarked Rooster
“They’re both good songs,” Mr. E Friend replied quite truthfully. “Great in fact.”

“But the songs should be about me. I invented turd terrorism,” he sniffed loudly, “so they should be writing songs about me. Not about these two nobodies that are just copying what I invented and what I and my family and friends do…
     …at the very least they should name turds after me,” Rooster added after a long pause.

“You want turds to be named after you,” Mr. E Friend asked. “Turds.”

“Exactly.” Rooster sniffed even more loudly. “Because I deserve it.”

“You deserve to have turds renamed after you?”

Rooster rues the cruelness of the world.
“Yeah… That fire cocktail was named after Molotov. And look how famous he is.”

“But you know... Molotov didn’t actually invent the petrol bomb. In fact it wasn’t even named after him. It was named for him. As an insult. After that stupid pact he authored with Von Ribbentrop that eventually helped Germany torch the USSR,” Mr. E Friend answered truthfully.

“But everyone knows who he is. He’s famous. Everybody knows him,” Rooster repeated loudly.

“He’s long dead. And Molotov wasn’t even his real name. So, truthfully, very few actually remember who he was.”

“I don’t care,” Rooster shouted loudly, “I want a song written after me. I want it I want it I want it,” he kept saying as he stomped his feet loudly while walking a tight circle. “I want it I want it I want it I want it.”

“Can’t you just write one yourself? A song. Or perhaps a short poem?” Mr. E Friend offered.”

“No. No no no no no,” it has to be someone else. And someone better than Diamond or Van Morrison. Someone like… like… the Village People. Or Milli Vanilli. Or or or… or the Backstreet Boys. No one’s better than them.”

“Yeah but I don’t think…”

“I don’t care,” Rooster screamed, “I want a song written after me and I want one now. And until someone does I’m going to hold my breath and die. Than the world will be sorry.”
The Great and Powerful Rooster throws himself on the ground in a pique of rage.

Then the Great and Powerful Rooster of Fernbrook Resort Freelton took a deep breath, puffed out his cheeks and closed his pointy beak-mouth

“How long are you going to hold your breath for?” Mr. E Friend asked.

“Until turds are named after me or until someone writes a song about me,” Rooster replied gasping for air as he opened his mouth.

“You just breathed.”

“Shut up,” Rooster replied opening his mouth again.

“You just breathed again,” Mr. E Friend repeated again.

“Mmmph mmmph mmmph,” Rooster said with a closed mouth.

“You’re breathing through your nose,” Mr. E Friend said, “And I can see your chest moving.”

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Will this be the end of the Great and Powerful Rooster?

Will turds be renamed in the honor of the Great and Powerful Rooster?

Or will someone write a song about this inventor of Turd Terrorism and in doing so save his life?

------------------------------------

“I hope turds are named after me,” Rooster said interrupting the narration.

“You just breathed again,” Mr. E Friend noted once more.

“Shut up shut up shut up shut up,” Rooster crowed angrily.

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So stay tuned for the next stupid and boringly ridiculous episode of the Secrets of Fernbrook Resort Freelton.

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“I’ll take the song… maybe the song is better,” Rooster added as an afterthought
.
“You’re still breathing.”

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Van Morrison Releases New Song Inspired by Faeces Covered Fernbrook Resort Freelton





Van Morrison Releases New Song Inspired by Faeces Covered Fernbrook Resort Freelton 

More turd terrorism attacks scar Fernbrook Resort Freelton

“Having dropped out of the music scene many years ago I recently happened across Neil Diamond’s beautiful song inspired by a little nation called Fernbrook Resort Freelton,” said Van Morrison. “So inspired was I that I spent a week surrounded by stinky faeces covered lawns and roads. And every day I noticed a young red haired girl walking one of those stupid little purse dogs. And every day it let the dog crap wherever it wanted... she was too inconsiderate to clean up after her creature. In fact, as she walked away, she smiled meanly every time her dog finished its function. And I thought... what a mean little S.O.B.”

“Originally I was going to call the song ‘Brown Eyed Girl’... but I know that some folks consider the ‘brown eye’ to be the ass hole,” Morrison continued, “But I didn’t want to be rude and offend people by referring to someone as an ass hole... even though there is absolutely no doubt that someone who acts in such a manner can be legally regarded as an asshole my lawyers told me... regardless, I rejigged the lyrics to make them politically correct.”

“I really hope you like them...”

Red Haired Girl Lyrics
Translation in progress. Please wait...
The Fernbrook Resort Freelton redhead that inspired a song?
Hey where does your dog crap?
Don’t you feel any shame?
It was on our lawn,
Leaving a brown stain,
Then you went laughing and a running hey, hey
Skipping and a jumping (so proud)
Not cleaning up after your purse dog
Your heart a thumpin' and you
You red haired girl,
You ou ou you mean red haired girl.

Why do you do it?
Why are you so bad?
Making your dog crap on my lawn
Does it make you feel real proud?
Standing in the sunlight laughing,
Secretly being so glad... of... of,
Being a cruel girl...
What is so wrong in your world?
You red haired girl,
You ou ou you mean red haired girl.

Do you remember when your dog crapped,
Poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo pooh
Just like that
Poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo pooh
"I'm so embarrassed to be a purse dog," said purse dog Dino Givenchy

So easy to be cruel,
To act like a secret fool.
Lately I see you most every day,
Acting in an unpleasant way,
Does it make you feel real good?
Actin’ ways only a child would.
Curbing dogs in the green grass
Really makes you look like an ass
You... you red haired girl,
You ou ou you mean red haired girl.

Do you remember when we used to sing
Poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo pooh (crapping in the green grass)
Poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo pooh (shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit)
Poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo pooh (shame shame shame shame shame...)

Poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo pooh