The utter absence of Fernbrook Resort posts can be explained via our attendance at the Annual Conference of People Who Like to Meet Annually. The Annual Conference of People Who Like to Meet Annually (or ACOPWLTMA) is a conference for people who like to meet no more and no less than once every year. And it’s always good fun. If you only like to attend one conference per year then we highly recommend ACOPWLTMA.
But of course all fun things must come to an end.
And soon we were back at Fernbrook Resort in Freelton.
Where, on our return, some chicken impolitely clucked on the shininess of the extreme upper portion of my pate. Yeah, that’s right, no, “Hi, how are ya?” or “Welcome back!” instead they say, “Where’s the rest of your hair? Still on vacation?” And of course I wanted to reply, “Yeah, it’s partying with your brain.” But some people can’t handle the truth. So I just smiled politely and slowly backed away.
I don’t mind being bald. My Father was bald. My mother was balding. My brothers and sisters were bald. Even my pet eagle was bald. In fact the only member of our household that had any hair was our hairless Chihuahua. Michael. That fuzzy little furball had more hair then an entire Woodstock Festival. Go figure.
But the comments got me thinkin’…
How come scientists can figure out how to do something complicated like fill a doughnut with jelly or construct a Caramilk™ chocolate bar but they can’t do something simple like find an effective and permanent respite for the follicly challenged?
Because it didn’t take me long to find one. A cure for baldness. It certainly works for me. No one’s noticed a thing. All you do is let your remaining ‘side’ hair grow really long. Second, you take the side hair and sweep it up and over the hairless portion of the head (or chromedomium as scientists refer to it). Finally you get a big hunk of #6 Canada Goose Grease and plaster those little suckers right down to the scalp so tightly that a typhoon couldn’t move them. And you’re done. That’s it. No one will ever know that you’re hiding a big big secret.
And here’s the best part, Justin Bieber has agreed to be the spokesperson when the marketing campaign begins.
And Mr. Bieber is not just the spokesperson – he’s also a client. We ripped off that toupee he called a head covering then swept the remaining natural hair strands up over his head, plastered them with #6 Canada Goose Grease three weeks ago. And no one has noticed. Not the paparazzi. Not the news media. Not even the strippers down at Club Bum Touch where he is a frequent (and generous) attendee.
No one.
Stayed tuned for the infomercials and a likely Nobel Prize for Peace.
Cock-a-doodle- In our absence it seems that there has been another round of rooster clucks and petty mickey mouse goings on (oh Joy!) and we’ll be revealing them in upcoming exciting and not to be missed Secrets of Fernbrook Resort.
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