Canine Smear Campaign and Lawsuit Concerns Dog Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Canine Smear Campaign and Lawsuit Concerns Dog Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Fernbrook Resort Freelton's latest invention
'Poop-on-a-fence!"

We stopped and had a chat with some of the neighbors the other day, it’d been a while since we seen them, and they had another story of woe for us. And once again that story concerned feces of the canine variety.

They found some on their property divider. And not smeared on but an actual intact deposit neatly balanced on their fence.

“That is one acrobatic mutt,” I said aloud. “Able to balance themselves on a fence while neatly evacuating their bowels.”

And they replied that they were shocked that a dog would do such a thing. But being aware of Canine Obsessive Compulsive Feces Disorder they were vey understanding and not upset in the least about this terrible affliction that affects some dogs..

But someone else was upset.

As we were talking a neighborhood pooch had moseyed on over, the famous Anderson Pooper, and upon the mention of Canine OCD he went one step short of rabid.

“Hey you stupid meatsacks,” (as dogs are wont to refer to humans) Pooper barked at us, “there is no such thing as Canine OCD. It’s a totally made up disease. Firstly, dogs don’t relieve themselves on the tops of fences. No large animal does. Furthermore no higher order animal relieves themselves in the same place. Only stupid human meatsacks do that. Smarter animals, of which you are not, always choose a new location. Prey poop alerts predators to a potential meal in the vicinity and predator poop scares away prey. Therefore we always choose new locations to drop a deposit. And that location is always discrete. Never someplace stupid like the top of a fence. Some human meatsack probably put it there because you meatsacks are of a lower order intellectually and so you do stupid things that even mental health professionals are unable to explain.”

But our neighbors didn’t seem convinced.

“We’re not convinced,” the neighbors said politely to Anderson Pooper. “Perhaps you’re just too embarrassed to admit to this horrible affliction.”

A distraught Anderson Pooper
wonders if those stupid human
meatsacks will ever grow up?

“Holy crap!” Anderson Pooper snarled angrily, “Bad humans! BAD! There is no such disease and a canine would never crap on the top of a fence even if there was such a disease.”  

Law Cat: "I also represent dogs!"

“That’s okay, you’re still a good doggy. Want a biscuit? Does doggy want a biscuit?”

“That’s it, I’ve had enough and I’m getting a lawyer. This smear campaign sullies the good name of all canines the world over and we’re not putting up with it any longer,” Pooper growled. ‘Bad Humans. Bad. Bad! BAd!! BAD!!!”

Bitter Homes & Gardens (Edition 2) at Fernbrook Resort, Freelton

Bitter Homes & Gardens (Edition 2) at Fernbrook Resort, Freelton

A prior blog (Bitter Homes & Gardens and the Bully of Fernbrook Resort, Freelton) has been dedicated to the past antics of the bitterest bully of Fernbrook Resort. For those who don’t remember, he is distinctive in both voice and appearance. If you don’t believe it you can check out his doppelganger at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KtRJNaGPlk .

So what’s the bully of Fernbrook Resort been up to lately?

Well, after sixteen long years, he finally got an indoor dishwasher. Yeah, that’s right, he moved his decorative haute couture dishwasher indoors from his backyard. What a shame as it was the only thing adding any class to the yard. I’m not sure why the sudden redecorating but maybe he’s gonna start washing his paper plates and dixie cups indoors.

Best of all, with all the man-hours he saves washing plastic cutlery he has more time to devote to being a bitter bully. So what’s he added to his repertoire?

According to one early awakened neighbor and some other early awakening neighbors it has been alleged that this good ole boy has started awakening and annoying them in the early AM hours. How? Well, instead of just driving his vehicle out, he drives around and out of his way to flash the high beams (of his vehicle NOT his wife – wow you have a dirty mind) into a home BEFORE making his exit. He goes out of his way to do this. He takes a circuitous route that delays his exit, flicking on and then off his high beams after he passes the home witnesses allege. This new behavior has happened consistently over a couple of weeks. What a https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35WgpMq6e3o

But on further reflection… maybe he’s not doing this to be mean. Maybe he’s just doing this to see what’s inside the homes of others. He’s looking for decorating tips. And one of those tips that he garnered was that a dishwasher is meant to be installed in a home. Not in a yard.

If that is in fact true, here’s some other home decorating hints that he might consider:

 - Replacing that collection of crying clowns on black velvet. I would say that they are out of fashion but I don’t think they were ever in fashion.

 - Get rid of all those lawn gnomes and that plastic flock of pink flamingos. They went out of style about the same time crying clowns on black velvet came into style. never.

 - In fact why not donate all the ‘objets d’art’ that are ‘decorating’ the yard (notice the quote marks – they weren’t placed their for humorous intent).Every one will appreciate you for not only classing up a dump but also for making a charitable offering to the local landfill.

 - And how about putting air in the tires of any vehicles adorning your property. It improves not only their aesthetics but also their gas mileage.

You’re probably thinking that this is the end – but by all appearances this is just the beginning.

Cock-a-doodle-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWNFB71MvTs