Canine Smear Campaign and Lawsuit Concerns Dog Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Canine Smear Campaign and Lawsuit Concerns Dog Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Fernbrook Resort Freelton's latest invention
'Poop-on-a-fence!"

We stopped and had a chat with some of the neighbors the other day, it’d been a while since we seen them, and they had another story of woe for us. And once again that story concerned feces of the canine variety.

They found some on their property divider. And not smeared on but an actual intact deposit neatly balanced on their fence.

“That is one acrobatic mutt,” I said aloud. “Able to balance themselves on a fence while neatly evacuating their bowels.”

And they replied that they were shocked that a dog would do such a thing. But being aware of Canine Obsessive Compulsive Feces Disorder they were vey understanding and not upset in the least about this terrible affliction that affects some dogs..

But someone else was upset.

As we were talking a neighborhood pooch had moseyed on over, the famous Anderson Pooper, and upon the mention of Canine OCD he went one step short of rabid.

“Hey you stupid meatsacks,” (as dogs are wont to refer to humans) Pooper barked at us, “there is no such thing as Canine OCD. It’s a totally made up disease. Firstly, dogs don’t relieve themselves on the tops of fences. No large animal does. Furthermore no higher order animal relieves themselves in the same place. Only stupid human meatsacks do that. Smarter animals, of which you are not, always choose a new location. Prey poop alerts predators to a potential meal in the vicinity and predator poop scares away prey. Therefore we always choose new locations to drop a deposit. And that location is always discrete. Never someplace stupid like the top of a fence. Some human meatsack probably put it there because you meatsacks are of a lower order intellectually and so you do stupid things that even mental health professionals are unable to explain.”

But our neighbors didn’t seem convinced.

“We’re not convinced,” the neighbors said politely to Anderson Pooper. “Perhaps you’re just too embarrassed to admit to this horrible affliction.”

A distraught Anderson Pooper
wonders if those stupid human
meatsacks will ever grow up?

“Holy crap!” Anderson Pooper snarled angrily, “Bad humans! BAD! There is no such disease and a canine would never crap on the top of a fence even if there was such a disease.”  

Law Cat: "I also represent dogs!"

“That’s okay, you’re still a good doggy. Want a biscuit? Does doggy want a biscuit?”

“That’s it, I’ve had enough and I’m getting a lawyer. This smear campaign sullies the good name of all canines the world over and we’re not putting up with it any longer,” Pooper growled. ‘Bad Humans. Bad. Bad! BAd!! BAD!!!”