ISIS Boko Haram Justin Bieber Denounce Continued Turd Terrorism at Fernbrook Resort Freelton
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| Fernbrook Resort Freelton: The Turd Terrorism Capital of the Western Hemisphere |
Some of the neighbors at Fernbrook Resort Freelton are incredibly concerned with the recent unabated spate of turd terrorism attacks – so concerned that they check the bottoms of their shoes and the tops of their lawns twice every day, when they rise in the morning and once again before they turn in at night.
Yet even this isn’t enough to deter those super intelligent turd terrorists.
One of those extremely vigilant neighbors woke up on a recent morning to find hardened, blackened and sun-dried logs off dog feces spread over their lawn where there was none that evening. Which is strange when you think about it. I mean how does dog feces harden and blacken in the pale moonlight?
Obviously it was placed there in the dead of night. But not by a member of the family canis lupis familiaris. It was a so called human. A turd terrorist.
As a result the neighbors have formally complained to International Terrorists Local 659-7784 where some of the more respectable terrorists were outraged to learn that people were tossing dog turds around like they were dangerous weapons.
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| The always fashionable Abubakar Shekar denounces the terrorist activities carried out at Fernbrook Resort Freelton |
Said Abubakar Shekau leader of the Islamic State of Syria and Levant (ISIS), “I am outraged. Those who toss turds are bringing an unwanted stink to the good name of all terrorists!”
“Tossing turds is for nerds,” caterwauled Canada Mexico
“Yes,” agreed Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi of Boko Haram after giving Bieber the stinkeye, “this situation is an embarrassment to the good name of all terrorists. No real terrorist would toss feces.”
“Don’t toss the feces… of any species,” sang Bieber slightly off key.
Continued al-Baghdadi, “Real terrorists kidnap young woman and carry them off into the jungle, they drive vehicles into crowds of innocent people… or they strap bombs to themselves then walk into crowded churches and peaceful mosques and detonate them. That my friends is what real terrorists do,” he smiled with contentment.
Added Shekau, “we work hard to put the fear of god into people and then some nut walks around chucking dog feces trying to intimidate people. This makes real terrorists look bad. Not only are they cowards,” he said while shaking a threatening finger, “they are ruining our reputation. I should very much like to sue them for smearing our name. With this crap. Literally.”
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| Justin Bieber ad-libs a song about crap |
“Crap… ewww….. ewwwwwww…. ewwwwwwwww,” trilled Bieber while making a funny face, “lets all sue…”.
“As leader of International Terrorists Local 659-7784 these cowards are being blackballed. Kicked out of our union,” announced al-Baghdadi.
Interrupted Shekau, “but blackball does not mean that we are racist. It is just a figure of speech. Using the word black in a negative connotation does not make us racists. In fact many or our members are black. But no women members. Or chickens. The Koran forbids chickens.”
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| Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi announces the blackballing of Fernbrook Resort Freelton's turd terrorists. |
“Yes… we are an equal opportunity membership,” agreed al-Baghdadi before he continued: “But no more paid holidays for the turd terrorists of Fernbrook Resort Freelton. No more medical coverage in the event of injury. No dental for themselves or their extended families. Nothing.” Finished al-Baghdadi.
“Hee hee heee,” hummed Justin Bieber, “No more dental… I hope that doesn’t make them go mental…”
International terrorist observer Law Cat had this to say about the announcement made by International Terrorists Local 659-7784.
“I think it’s a great move by ITL 659-7784… now if they could only do something about the terrorist activities and off-key vocal styling of Justin Bieber this would be a perfect world.”
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| "But when will they do something about Justin bieber?" |
