Well, after a couple of weeks missing in action Rhode Island Red has returned to the nest safe and sound.
Which is good news.
Even better news however is the fact that she’s in clucking finer form than ever before. In fact just the other day she was up at the crack of Noon. Or perhaps it was One. Or two-ish. Or… well, whatever the time, Red held a Cluckfest for a half dozen or so of Fernbrook Resort’s finest hens to celebrate her return. And they were soon clucking so loudly that every neighbor in the park could hear their non-stop gabbling.
And just what were they so loudly ruffling their feathers about?
Homosexuality.
After much discussion the flock is alleged to have come to the conclusion that, get this, that if a person is funny that they’re gay. Unquestionably. On this there can be no debate as it is their official finding. In fact one of the silly cluckers, the Blue Hen of Delaware, was so impressed with the finding that she scuttled back to her coop squawking like a parrot the whole way home, “Cluck, cluck, cluck, if you’re funny, you’re gay, If you’re funny, you’re gay, If you’re funny, you’re gay, cluck, cluck, cluck…”
Now I know what this sounds like… that it's make believe. Nope.. There is just no way that anyone could make up something this vapid. The flock had a long loud drawn out ‘philosophical’ discussion (which for them is any matter that is talked about for more than two minutes) before reaching their official pronouncement.
You know what this means don’t you?
William Shakespeare (playwright of several comedies) gay.
Eddie Murphy (American comedian) gay.
Paul Lynde (center square on Hollywood Squares) gay.
Tina Fey (American comedienne) gay.
Every member of Monty Python (English comedy troupe) gay.
Okay, Paul Lynde actually was a homosexual (not that there’s anything wrong with that). As was Graham Chapman (not that there’s anything wrong with that) of Monty Python fame. But the rest were straight shooters (not that there’s anything wrong with that) according to legend.
My personal pronouncement?
That the thought ‘if you’re funny than you must be gay’ is actually sillier than ‘if you’re beautiful than you must be stupid’ credo that is held by some. Fortunately for me I am neither physically attractive (not that there’s anything wrong with that) or remotely funny (not that there’s anything wrong with that) so no one will ever mistake me for being dumb or gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
And how was this conclusion reached?
Just like beauty and brains are mutually exclusive traits so are humour and preference. Science has confirmed this. And, coincidentally, one of my too many siblings is homosexual. And he is about as funny as twenty-four simultaneous toothaches. He laughs at traffic accident fatalities and enjoys stealing candy from babies. I’m not kidding.
And you know what else is funny? Though only coincidentally so and not ha-ha so… Rhode Island Red has a relative who is homosexual. How could someone who has a homosexual relation make a public statement that is so completely groundless, baseless, tasteless and thoughtless?
Sigh.
But consider this… if having a sense of humour really does mean that you’re gay, and every time I hear Red’s cluck I break out laughing, by her own definition doesn’t that mean that… I mean I wonder if… what I’m trying to say is… is that I wonder if Red is…
Cock-a-doodle-I don’t really wonder…
…I just put that in there to see if I could make someone laugh (I hope there’s nothing wrong with that).
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