Bitter Homes & Gardens and the Bully of Fernbrook Resort, Freelton

Bitter Homes & Gardens and the Bully of Fernbrook Resort, Freelton

"It's about time that they cleaned that place up!"

You didn't have to see the speaker to recognize the voice - it was the alleged bully of Fernbrook Resort.

Have you ever seen that old 'Tales of the Wizard of Oz' cartoon (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brqnui9dV9o) from the 1960's ? Based on the Frank L Baum book of the same name it has all the same characters. Dorothy. Toto. The Scarecrow. The Cowardly Lion. And of course the Tin Woodsman who, in the cartoon, was named Rusty. And who had a voice to match. Sounding like a jagged and rusty tin can being scraped across a blackboard. A voice quite similar to that of the alleged Bully of Fernbrook Resort. Which is what makes that voice so instantly recognizeable to both the hearing and the hearing impaired.

When our family moved in the alleged tough guy was an individual that was immediately pointed out to us as completely avoidable. A bully. Not a' gud ole buoy' in the least we were told. And with his non-stop string of mickey mouse comments and questionable actions we would have to agree. Some of the more memorable include: When a neighbour helpfully (but accidentally) pulled weeds out of his garden and the alleged bully found out, he started clucking loud threats that he should go over there and chop down some trees in retaliation. I've seen him baiting stray cats til they scream. When another neighbour put up a fence, the day after he mouthed off about it to one of his visiting pals, that same pal ran into the neighbour's fence with his car I was told. And his latest comment was, "It's about time that they cleaned that place up!" A neighbouring family had spent a few hours tidying up their accused eyesore and the bully had noticed.

So a few nights later, while on an unguided walking tour of the prestigious resort, we decided to check out the pristine state of the alleged bully's proud property. Obviously, with his statements, we expected to be viewing some wonderful Garden of Eden with numerous horticultural awards, guided tours and valet parking.

And, to our surprise, we weren't disappointed.

I'm just kidding.

We were shocked by what we discovered.

We now know why the Amazon jungle is disappearing... and it's not deforestation. It's because the bully of Fernbrook Resort has been stealing it weed by weed and transplanting his ill-gotten foliage behind his home. His yard has more weed than an entire season of Breaking Bad. If Walter White hadn't died then I'd know where to find him. In this guy's back yard. And it wouldn't surprise me if Jimmy Hoffa was found alive and well back there either. He's probably brunching with a Sasquatch (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28zXvk9kBBc) right now. But we'll never know of the existence of either because of the yard's sorry state. Truthfully, last week a troop of thirty-year old Girl Guides marched out of that mess. They got lost as kids making their way to the front door to sell their deliciously overpriced cookies and it took them two decades to find their way out. And did I mention the rusted out car with the flat tires? Well now I have.

But I guess when your property is an award winning botanical masterpiece featured annually in 'Bitter Homes and Questionable Gardens' magazine then you have every right to criticize the state of the yards of others.

Cock-a-doodle take the mote out of your own eye before removing the beam from your neighbour's.