In a surprise move today the canine ruled nation of Fernbrook Resort banned the shaking of hands.
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| Doc Ballard - Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort |
When asked if it had anything to do with the recent ebola scare that put nearby nation of Millgrove in a frenzy the Lord Mayor snarled, "Screw you Millgrove, we’re coming for you!"
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| Chancellor Merkel Reacts to New Fernbrook Poilcy |
Pressed further Doc Ballard barked at the gathered press, "Have you ever been on the phone with Chancellor Angela Merkel discussing a Nuclear Proliferation Treaty… or in a conference call debating the slow motion film techniques used on Season 3 of Baywatch with Ali Khamenei and Hassan Rouhani… Only to be interrupted by someone offering you a biscuit if you’ll shake a paw. Yeah… I didn’t think so. Well let me tell you it’s embarrassing. Very embarrassing."
When queried as to how the citizens of Fernbrook Resort were to greet each other with the ban on handshakes Doc Ballard barked, "By sniffing each other’s bums of course... Just walk over to someone, give their bum a good sharp sniff, and say something polite like ‘hmmm, looks like someone had an extra helping of paella last night’ or ‘I think some bran might clear that out’. Then politely back away and start talking about the weather."
Quizzed on the health risks associated with this new form of greeting the Lord Mayor commented, "Hand shaking is dirty and promotes the spread of disease. Conversely, have you ever heard of anyone getting ill after generously inhaling from the posterior regions of another? Nope. That’s because bum sniffing is a medically approved alternative to handshaking, guaranteed safe by the Surgeon General of Fernbrook Resort himself. I’ve been doing it for years… and I swear by it!"
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