Fernbrook Resort Freelton Announces ‘Whack-a-Cat’ Festival

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Announces ‘Whack-a-Cat’ Festival

Opening Festivities at 'Whack-a-Cat'

The tiny cash-strapped nation of Fernbrook Resort Freelton announced a new money generating initiative in the form of a Festival designed to cater to the growing population of feline adverse individuals.

Yelped the mongrel Lord Mayor Doc Ballard proudly, " Our ‘Whack-a-Cat Days’ will be a boost to our economy while serving as an inexpensive method of keeping our tremendous feral cat population in check. Kind of like what those igloo dwelling blubber munching Canadians do with pesky seal pups… except we’re using cats and semi-automatic weapons instead… Which is great for the environment. So it’s a win-win all the way around."

Popular Child's Whack a Kitty Game

Quizzed as to why cats were chosen the Lord Mayor replied, "Quite honestly our first choice was Roosters, we were going to call it ‘Whack-a-Cock’. I mean is there anything more fun than whacking a cock? And the name tested well in focus groups. Particularly with teenaged male aged 14-18 and unemployed adult males who live in their parent’s basement and watch Star Trek reruns. Unfortunately my teenage nephew and my unemployed brother who lives in my parent’s basement both told me that the phrase ‘Whack-a-Cock’ was already trademarked by an adult film company in Silicone Valley. Go figure.

 

Seth Rogen with a Captured Kitty

Seth Rogen is rumoured to be the Master of Cermonies for the week long event and festivities include the ceremonial burning of a large stack of Cat Stevens eight track tapes, the Parade of Obnoxious Felines, the Running of the Cats, and a kitten toss for children aged eight and younger. The last day of the Festival is the Whack-a-Cat Event which includes your choice of three different semi-automatic weapons and an option for hollow point bullets for those who really want to see a cat me-owwwwww.

World Famous Fernbrook Running of the Cats 

Parade of Obnoxious Felines

Added the Lord Mayor, "Visitors are welcome to bring their own cat but if they are unable to attend and have a cat they want to dispose of they can just mail it to us and for a small fee we’ll do the rest. Oh, and don’t waste time putting holes in the boxes – they won’t need oxygen where they’re going."







In the first year the Festival is expected to generate over three hundred dollars for the national economy from the sale of catskin hats and from t-shirts bearing catchy slogans such as, ‘I whacked a pussy at Fernbrook Resort Freelton’ and ‘My Parents attended the Fernbrook Cat Whacking Festival and all they brought back was this crappy t-shirt’.