Twenty Days to Go at Fernbrook Resort Freelton?

Not too may daysg ago the Great and Powerful Rooster said words to the effect that He had twenty days to get a certain Undesirable Neighbour removed from Fernbrook Resort Freelton.

Roughly, that would put the 'drop dead' date in either the first or second week of June.

What that means, if anything, us Undesirables have not been able to determine.

Perhaps it's an idle threat.

Because the only important date marked on the calendar is Fernbrook Resort's world famous 'Whack a Cat' Festival (http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2015/05/fernbrook-resort-freelton-announces.html). And that's only a week away.

It'll be interesting to see what happens.

Rooster Cries ‘Foul!’ in Fernbrook Resort Freelton Great Chicken War

Rooster Cries ‘Foul!’ in Fernbrook Resort Freelton Great Chicken War

The Great Chicken War of Fernbrook Resort Freelton has taken a bit of an unusual turn with the Great and Powerful Rooster claiming that He and His hen are victims of harassment.

That’s right.

He’s calling a foul.

Strangely, until just this past week, Rooster has never once complained of being a victim of any crime. He has never complained of being victimized by theft(s). No vandalism complaints. No trespasses. No vexatious behavior. No turd terrorism attacks. Nothing. All was well in His little world. Except for the presence of certain Undesirable Neighbours. Who, according to Rooster, is completely obsessed with Him.

The Undesirable Neighbours, on the other hand, have documented hundreds of instances of trespasses, vandalism, theft, turd terrorism and vexatious behavior. Hundreds. This is not an overstatement. Every instance has been written down and recorded and catalogued with a date.

Regardless of this obvious imbalance in logic and evidence the citizens of Fernbrook Resort Freelton have sided with the Great and Powerful Rooster. Because in Fernbrook Resort Feelton the Rooster’s crow is Gospel. They agree that Rooster is being harassed and victimized. Even though He has never complained of any crimes. Not once. Truthfully, all the crimes take place right next door to the palatial trailer mansion of His Majesty. However the net result of Rooster’s cry of ‘Foul!’ being that the natives and some staff are now giving the Undesirable Neighbours of Fernbrook Resort Freelton the dead eye and the cold shoulder.

But I know you’re not surprised.

A couple years ago the Great and Powerful Rooster ordered the chickens of Fernbrook Resort Freelton not to talk to the Undesirable Neighbours. And they complied. Rooster has that much power of the chickens of Fernbrook Resort Freelton.

You can’t fight popular opinion no matter how unpopular it is with yourself. And so the Great and Powerful Rooster and the Forces of Chicken have won this particular battle. But knowing what is to come I think some folks are goling to regret siding with the Chickens in a fight that didn’t involve them.

Until they got involved.

Foul?

Foul indeed!    

Live Sex Shows at Fernbrook Resort Freelton?

Live Sex Shows at Fernbrook Resort Freelton?

The Great and Powerful Rooster and His Forces of Chicken have had an incredibly productive week. Every morning has uncovered something new the most Undesirable Neighbours has told us. Though these new harassments are simply rehashes and repeats of old behaviours. He and His Hen have also upped the bad mouthing of Neighbour Undesirable. Funny how if the truth is told about Rooster no one believes it. Yet if Rooster tells a baseless lie… it is immediately accepted as fact without question.

I think I feel worse about the harassment than Undesirable Neighbours. So they tried to cheer me up with this unusual tale of the Great and Powerful Rooster’s behavior.

One warm Sunday morning last year some Undesirable Neighbours were out working in their garden when all of a sudden they hear, “Oh Rooster, Oh Rooster, Oh Rooster.”  

On the third ‘Oh Rooster’ Thinking that he’d caught Rooster and Rhode Island in a moment of flagrante delicto he decided to do the polite thing and to quietly leave. But as he was walking away he immediately hears Rooster ask, “Do you think he heard?” To which Rhode Island replied, “I don’t know.”

Which is a really strange thing to say. When you’re in the throes of passion that is. Why would you be looking out a window when you’re engaged in that special moment? And since a question was asked and answered that would mean both participants were looking out the window at the same time. Could a sex life be so horrible that the pair prefer to look out a window at an Undesirable Neighbour gardening rather than at each other? Because the ‘Oh Rooster’ did sound quite mechanical in its repetitious utterance. Kind of like something you might hear and see in badly scripted underground Tahitian porn I have been told. Maybe if there had been no neighbour to look at they would have just looked at their watches on their wrist instead. ‘Is that twelve seconds?’ ‘Yeah’ ‘Great. I guess we’re done.’ ‘Same time next month?’ ‘Sure.’ ‘See ya’ ‘Bye’ ‘Bye’

But now, in retrospect, perhaps it wasn’t a live sex show.

Knowing that Rooster does order His hen to expose her private self publicly… maybe it was just Rooster manipulating Rhode Island into another submissive act. One of a number of indecent acts to which she is an eager and willing participant.

Another Day, Another Trespass... and more Vandalism at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Another Day, Another Trespass... and more Vandalism at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Well, Rooster and the Forces of Chicken must have had another fun weekend in Fernbrook Resort Freelton.

Another trespass.

Another actt of senseless and petty destruction.

So petty that's it's barely even worth mentioning. So common are such occurences these days.

However what is worth mentioning is what Rooster has openly bragged: "There's nothing more that they can do now."  Meaning (we suppose) that His Majesty can act as He pleases. Without fear of repercussion.

That's a shame.

I guessHe and His flock will just have to wait and see what tomorrow brings.
  

Homicidal Humor is Killer Funny to Fernbrook Resort Freelton Residents

Homicidal Humor is Killer Funny to Fernbrook Resort Freelton Residents

The Undesirable  Neighbours had an unusual tale to tell today. Their vehicle has trouble keeping air in its tires. Repeatedly. As a result they’ve made several trips to the local Canadian Tire in search of a remedy.

“I can see you’ve been in here before about this same problem,” the Canadian Tire guy asked the Undesirable Neighbour.

“Yeah, several times” replied the Undesirable Fernbrook Neighbour. “Strange how they all seem to lose the same amount of air at the exact same time. Quite a coincidence.”

“Perhaps… But have you ever thought that your vehicle’s tires are losing air because someone is purposely letting the air out?”

“Letting the air out? Oh, you mean like a joke?” The Undesirable Neighbour laughed. “That is funny. Ha ha ha ha,” laughed the neighbour.

“It’s not funny if you don’t notice it and go out for a drive,” replied the unsmiling Canadian Tire employee. “You could lose control and get in an accident. Perhaps hit a pedestrian… another car… maybe even a busload full of kids on their way to school. It’s not a joke for someone to do this. You could hurt or perhaps kill somebody.”

“You’re right. That’s not funny.”

“Whosever doing that should have their head examined. It’s just plain stupid behavior. Tell you what since you’ve been in here before for this same problem I’ll comp you on it. But keep an eye on it… if not for your own sake than for the sake of those out there on the roads.”

Which we can all agree was very nice of Canadian Tire.

Not just the comping but the good advice. Check the air in your tires before heading out on the road or you could hurt someone.

I guess that homicidal humour isn’t killer funny after all. Unless you’re a resident of Fernbrook Resort Freelton. A car accident that hurt or killed innocents I’m sure they would find that side splittingly hilarious.

Crazy.

 Isn’t it?