Rooster Cries ‘Foul!’ in Fernbrook Resort Freelton Great Chicken War

Rooster Cries ‘Foul!’ in Fernbrook Resort Freelton Great Chicken War

The Great Chicken War of Fernbrook Resort Freelton has taken a bit of an unusual turn with the Great and Powerful Rooster claiming that He and His hen are victims of harassment.

That’s right.

He’s calling a foul.

Strangely, until just this past week, Rooster has never once complained of being a victim of any crime. He has never complained of being victimized by theft(s). No vandalism complaints. No trespasses. No vexatious behavior. No turd terrorism attacks. Nothing. All was well in His little world. Except for the presence of certain Undesirable Neighbours. Who, according to Rooster, is completely obsessed with Him.

The Undesirable Neighbours, on the other hand, have documented hundreds of instances of trespasses, vandalism, theft, turd terrorism and vexatious behavior. Hundreds. This is not an overstatement. Every instance has been written down and recorded and catalogued with a date.

Regardless of this obvious imbalance in logic and evidence the citizens of Fernbrook Resort Freelton have sided with the Great and Powerful Rooster. Because in Fernbrook Resort Feelton the Rooster’s crow is Gospel. They agree that Rooster is being harassed and victimized. Even though He has never complained of any crimes. Not once. Truthfully, all the crimes take place right next door to the palatial trailer mansion of His Majesty. However the net result of Rooster’s cry of ‘Foul!’ being that the natives and some staff are now giving the Undesirable Neighbours of Fernbrook Resort Freelton the dead eye and the cold shoulder.

But I know you’re not surprised.

A couple years ago the Great and Powerful Rooster ordered the chickens of Fernbrook Resort Freelton not to talk to the Undesirable Neighbours. And they complied. Rooster has that much power of the chickens of Fernbrook Resort Freelton.

You can’t fight popular opinion no matter how unpopular it is with yourself. And so the Great and Powerful Rooster and the Forces of Chicken have won this particular battle. But knowing what is to come I think some folks are goling to regret siding with the Chickens in a fight that didn’t involve them.

Until they got involved.

Foul?

Foul indeed!    

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Takes Umbrage to United Nations World Intelligence Quotient Index Results

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Takes Umbrage to United Nations World Intelligence Quotient Index Results

Are the willfully blind leading the willfully stupid of Fernbrook Resort Freelton?

“Well I for one don’t take umbrage,” said Velma Vocabulary, “it’s just that the results really upset me and I resent them.”

                                              

"Ha ha, we beat Millgrove," said Bernice Braintrust.

Truly the blood sucking midge infested nation of Fernbrook Resort Freelton seems entirely flummoxed by the results. And by flummoxed it is meant that they don’t quite understand them.

Said Bernice Braintrust, “Fernbrook Resort may have finished last place in the entire world but we still beat Millgrove.”

“Yeah! And we’re also smarter than all those Undesirable Neighbours,” added Walter Oneupmansship, “Because if we weren’t smarter than them than how would we know that they’re stealing.”

According to multiple claims out of Fernbrook Resort Freelton one certain Undesirable Neighbour has been stealing everything that has been nailed down. And then returning to take the nail. Yet even though everyone in the nation knows that the Undesirable Neighbour family has been stealing… no one has actually seen them steal any thing.

       

This belief persists even though The Great and Powerful Rooster himself has admitted to removing resources from the Fernbrook Resort library. And then selling them for His own personal gain. Yet He is not considered to be a thief.

“No one who steals would admit it,” Fernbrook’s DENSA association president decided, “therefore Rooster can’t be stealing.”

Fernbrook's DENSA President.

Additionally, Rooster was asked not to steal from the library by previous management. Or, if he was to continue stealing, not to go around bragging about it.

And when that bank repossessed A-Frame on Fantasy Lane was allegedly emptied of its contents by a Fernbrook Resort Freelton company truck in July of 2016 – in broad daylight and in full view of Fernbrook’s populace – not one resident considered that to be theft. Or the participants to be thieves.    

Carrie Cheatcode: 'The word of honest thieves is to be distrusted."

“Because we love the staff here… and no one knew the neighbour who was being nicked… or likes the bank that was being burgled. So it doesn’t count as stealing,” confirmed Carrie Cheatcode. “It’s only stealing if we don’t like the person. Or if we want to blame innocent people to keep ourselves and our friends from being scrutinized.”

 

What about when a gentleman passes away in a hotel room from a congestive heart disorder? A gentleman who carried large sums of cash with him. And then his wallet mysteriously goes missing. So missing that three cars filled with cops couldn’t find it. Despite pulling apart the hotel room for hours. Then, after the police depart, the wallet mysteriously turns up in a pillowcase in that same room. Perhaps a little bit lighter in the cash department. It doesn’t take a Greek Oracle to tell the constabulary what happened.

“I think that Undesirable Neighbour was the one who was responsible for whatever it was that may or may not have happened,” stated Sidney Statement, “no one saw the Undesirable Neighbours in that general area so without a doubt it was them that did whatever anyone says may have happened. And if someone did die of congestive heart failure then Neighbour undesirable caused that too. In fact I think my heart might be congesting right now. Way to go you gross smelly and stupid undesirable neighbour.”

And what about all those allegedly occupied Hotel Rooms with no paperwork to show that they were being occupied? Despite the presence of people in those rooms. And, allegedly, no receivables noted in the books. Where did the cash suddenly come from to pay from those allegedly occupied rooms? A deceased man’s wallet?

“Well, even if anything was stolen, it was months of alleged unpaid use of hotel rooms from a company that has underfunded the nation into a pothole strewn, pipe bursting pit of disappointed retirement dreams. So they’re just getting what they deserve. If we liked the ownership than it would have been theft,” remarked Olivia Looktheotherway.

"Records are for losers... I use CD's."

In fact why did Fernbrook Resort Freelton just suddenly stop accepting cash? Did the books and records suddenly become unbalanced with no explanation?

“Well, if the books are unbalanced then maybe they could get some other books from the Fernbrook library to balance them – if Neighbour Undesirable would please quit stealing them. But I don’t know about records, I thought everybody listened to CD’s these days,” barked Bernard Behindthetimes.

And what about the story about a Great and Powerful Rooster who got the corporate keys to every door in the nation from a former employee who was never asked to return their keys?

"Rooster is the only good thing about Fernbrook Resort," said Rooster's acolyte Rene Roosterlover.                                                                                               "Anyone disses the Roost and I will kick their ass."

“But that’s just Rooster,” said Rene Roosterlover, “Everybody loves Rooster so He can do whatever he wants. I love Rooster. I sure wish I could get His autograph. Maybe He would even permit me to massage His posterior regions with my pointy beaklike appendage.”   

So with all this damning information it makes you wonder how the incredibly watched and scrutinized is neighbour undesirable masterminding all these crimes. Without getting caught. Or even being seen in the general vicinity.

Is the Neighbour Undesirable family a family of Master criminals?

Or are a large number of Fernbrook Resort citizens so dumb that they can’t see the truth? So dumb that you can tell them the truth, point them to the truth and then show them the truth – and yet they still can’t see the truth.

So you be the judge why Fernbrook Resort Freelton finished last in United Nations World Intelligence Quotient Index.  

The Great & Powerful Rooster Identifies Fernbrook Resort Freelton Thieves

The Great & Powerful Rooster Identifies Fernbrook Resort Freelton Thieves

"This wasn't supposed to happen," said a surprised Rooster.

The never-ending saga of earth’s stupidest nation (where the IQ points fell even further this week) got just a bit dumber with the revelation and identification of the nation’s longstanding thief.  

As a result it looks like the Fernbrook Resort Freelton crime wave is at an end. Thanks to the Great and Powerful Rooster. The culprits have been identified. And now it’s just a matter of formalities before they’re on their way out.

The culprit of course is that stupid jerk. You know the one that always gets mentioned here, that gross and stinky Neighbour Undesirable.

Yeah, all along it’s been that sneaky family that loaned the Fernbrook Resort Freelton Library hundreds and hundreds of books. Hundred of DVD’s. VHS tapes. CD’s and computer games. Board games. Toys. Stuffed animals. Also, three quarters of the bookshelves in the library are on loan from Neighbour Undesirable. And plants too. And a painting of a ship. And… and… and what a great cover!

What a great scam is what it really was. 

Rooster has been crowing that Neighbour Undesirable is the thief. 

Now the entire nation of Fernbrook Resort Freelton is watching Neighbour Undesirable and family. Just waiting for that one last vital piece of evidence before kicking the family out for good. And that evidence? To catch them stealing. Because no one has ever actually seen them steal a thing. But everyone in Fernbrook Resort Freelton already knows who the thieves are. Rooster said so. And Rooster’s word s law.

So a big thanks to the Great and Powerful Rooster for letting us know. Because it takes a thief to catch a thief. And the Great and Powerful Rooster knows that better than anyone. Because Rooster has stolen from Fernbrook Resort. What? You didn’t know? And why would He do such a thing?

“Because they’re too good for them,” He said referring to the books he removed. 

This is an exact quote from that Cock. 

A quote that shows exactly what he thinks of those He lives among. That He is smarter than they are. Which no one can disagree with. Or they better not if they know what’s good for them. 

Truly, the Great and Powerful Rooster has even bragged about removing books and selling them. More than once. Finally the manager of that time, who we’ll call “Jean” to hide his identity, told him to quit stealing. To stop it. And two other former employees have also identified the Great and Powerful rooster as stealing from the nation’s Library.

But in earth’s stupidest nation being caught stealing doesn’t make you a thief. 

It makes you Great and Powerful.

But only if you live in earth’s stupidest nation.

"I would never steal a book. Unless it was a book about hamburgers," said Waylon Smyth. "Or a book that kind of looked like a hamburger. Or it if just sorta smell like one... or..."

Walt Disney Lied! Old Yeller is Alive & Well. And Living at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Walt Disney Lied! Old Yeller is Alive & Well. And Living at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

File photo of Walt Disney. In background is Old Yeller's luxurious summer retreat. 

Remember that ole Walt Disney movie ‘Old Yeller’? Based on the book of the same name by Fred Gipson. At the end of the movie Old Yeller is shot. 

But Fernbrook Resort Freelton residents know this not to be true. 

The real Old Yeller sans costume and makeup

Old Yeller is alive and well. And yellering at family, neighbours and employees of the Fernbrook nation with reckless and indiscriminate abandon.

In fact just the other day Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s most undesirable and disliked citizen was out walking the nations byways and highways when Old Yeller sped by, hit the brakes, jumped out of the car and began yellering at Neighbour Undesirable. 

Old Yeller at work on the Disney set.

All I heard was five minutes plus of yellering. Yelling that was so fast and loud that I couldn’t actually make out what was being said. However being 90% deaf I am also a consummate lip reader. And I’m pretty certain that I could make out the topic of the one sided discussion. 

And the topic was the part of Neighbor Undesirable’s hair.

Fernbrook Resort Freelton's unapproved hair part

Yup, Old Yeller was yelling at neighbour undesirable about the incorrect non-Fernbrook Resort management approved part of his hair. 

The approved Fernbrook Resort hair part.

Neighbour Undesirable however not only seemed to be ignoring the appaulling behavior of Old Yeller, he also appeared to be looking at the ground and quietly smiling. Which enraged Old Yeller to such a degree that the yelling rose and rose and rose until it took the tone of a dog whistle. Or a boiling steam kettle. Finally, frustrated by the lack of response from Neighbour Undesirable, the Old Yeller ran home in tears, tail between legs, and loudly slammed the door on the mobile mansion. So sad not to be being instantly obeyed by a mere mortal and lesser person.  

But I would like to take the time to thank you Old Yeller! And other Fernbrook Resort citizens reading this should also take the time to walk up to Old Yeller and just say “Thank you Old Yeller.” Because I for one applaud this type of behavior. (It certainly beats the appalling behavior of those socially superior stone-quiet Silences and the pussy they hold prisoner.)

Truly.

Because the last thing Fernbrook Resort Freelton needs are citizens who flaunt authority and part their hair in an appalling or non-acceptable manner. We need to get rid of these types once and for all. 

And once we get rid of all the people we don’t like because they're more dumberer than we is than we can find other appalling people we don’t like. And than get rid of those people too! Until everyone is exactly the same as Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s mostest smartestest and intelligentest citizen. Old Yeller. Because hey, this tactic of societal eugenics worked for Adolph Hitler. And in the history of the world no one parted their hair in a more popular or socially acceptable fashion than der Fuehrer. And that turned out great for both Germany and the world. 

Adolph Hitler displays his parted hair to adoring German masses.

Though he was a bit of an Old Yeller too. Hitler was. Always shooting off his mouth. And just like Old Yeller he also ended up getting shot at the end.

Oh well... I guess sometimes it sucks to be an Old Yeller.