Tuesday, August 29, 2017

That “Is a belle picture” Fernbrook Resort Freelton Residents Exclaim proudly!




That “Is a belle picture” Fernbrook Resort Freelton Residents Exclaim proudly!   
     
Fernbrook Resort residents confirm that this adored work of art 'Is a belle picture'.

Residents of Fernbrook Resort Freelton were as pleased as bowl of spiked punch at a junior prom when the latest work of art by the nation’s leading painter, Rhode Island Red, was unveiled last week. Previously known for decorating the country’s heavy equipment and machinery with paint and glitter under cover of darkness this is a new direction for the artist.

"I'm a famous artist," clucked Rhode Island Red.
Painted on the side of a dilapidated structure the picture has been proudly titled “Giving You the Finger Ha Ha Ha Ha” and shows a balled up fist with only the middle finger showing, standing straight and erect.

“I haven’t seen anything standing straight or erect since only god knows when…  truth be told I’d settle for just a finger once in a while… how I only wish I could get a finger once in a while… even a little one, you know… like a pinky” Rhode Island Red said wistfully referring to her significant other, the Great and Powerful Old Wet Noodle, “but that ship has sailed. And it’s not coming home any time soon. Nosireeeee… that boat is gone, Whooooweee…. So, instead, I decided to give the finger to Fernbrook. It says so much about me. And about who I am as a chicken.”

"Upon closer inspection this is not art," declared critic Arthur Critique
Art critics however were not as impressed with the painting.


Said Arthur Critique Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s renowned art critic, “this looks like it was painted between the hours of 11 AM and 12 PM on a Saturday morning by someone still heavily influenced by alcohol after a night of hard drinking and snorting Captain Crunch.”
     


"Hey kids snort a bowl of me and you can fail art class too!" 

Psychologist ‘Special’ Ed Jeung remarked that, “clearly this was done by someone who is petty and childish. Upset that they couldn’t have their own way they painted this as a revenge. Oneupmanship. Then, to hide the picture’s true intent and hidden symbolism, called it art.”
 
“Don’t call me Art… its Arthur,” interrupted Arthur Critique huffily.

“I wasn’t calling you ‘Art’ I was saying that the picture wasn’t art,” replied Special Ed.

“Oh, well, that is something that we can both definitely agree on.”

“They can just kiss my ass,” replied Rhode Island Red hopefully. “Seriously. I am not kidding. They can both kiss my ass. At the same time. Or they can take turns. In fact if you could just slip them my address… or perhaps give them my cell that would be fantastic. Please… Pretty please?” she trailed off desperately.

The aforementioned work of art is to be moved indoors to Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s world belittled “I Can’t Believe it’s an Art Gallery,” located at the intersection of Biteme and Now.



Fernbrook Resort Freelton's 'Art Gallery' serves as a car wash Monday's through Friday's.







Sunday, August 27, 2017

ATTENTION. Indecent Exposure: The Sex Life of a Rhode Island Red Roosting at Fernbrook Resort Freelton



ATTENTION. Indecent Exposure: The Sex Life of a Rhode Island Red Roosting at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Is the Great and Powerful Rooster not as virile as he crows?

For those who are unfamiliar with Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s infamous Rhode Island Red you should know that she is Fernbrooks Queen of Indecent Exposure. She enjoys exposing her mammary glands and pubic regions to Undesirable Neighbours…

…and especially so when her liege lord the famous Great and Powerful Rooster orders her to.
Bossing Rhode Island Red titillates Rooster. Making him feel even more powerful. In fact Rooster has even had public pseudo sex with her. He faked an act of sexual congress in public to prove he was all male. 

"I'm so tired of noodles every night," said Red, "Couldn't I have a tube steak for a change?"
But that isn’t really sex now is it? Indecently exposing yourself to others on command. Fake sex. No. To get the story on Rhode Island Red’s sexual proclivities we spoke with her chicks. Well, we didn’t speak with, they were actually speaking with their friends and we just happened to be in earshot. And the kids were discussing – in quite graphic detail – the toys she used and the get ups her and Rooster would dress up in. 

However we’re not going to get into all the toys and leathers and whips and handcuffs and etc etc etc this episode.

Does this remind you of a not so great and powerful rooster?
Though, apparently, according to Rhode Island Red, the Great and Powerful Rooster is a “limp noodle” at the best of times. And the best of times are few and far between. This is what she said to the Blue Hen of Delaware and the Fallen Saint a while back.

Getting back to the kids… I think it is important that children of the appropriate age are given proper sexual information. 

BUT do you really want your kids walking around Fernbrook Resort Freelton discussing your personal and private sexual habits WITH OTHER CHILDREN?

Most adults wouldn’t.

"The only rise I can get is by indecently exposing myself," confirms Rhode Island Red.
But if you are the kind of chicken who indecently exposes yourself to others on command than more than likely you don’t mind all the adults and all the children knowing and publicly discussing your sexual peccadilloes.

You want ATTENTION.

And if it takes attention to pacify Rhode Island Red and the Great and Powerful Rooster and their appaulingly dimwitted friends then Attention you shall have.