In Fernbrook Resort Freelton Hell Hath
No Fury Like a Rooster Scorned!
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| Rhode Island Red was recently awarded the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval for the fastidious manner in which she maintained the home in which she and her kids live with the Great and Powerful Rooster. |
“Oh, that Is a belle Plan,” The Great
and Powerful Rooster replied to Rhode Island Red’s suggestion, “That is a belle
plan indeed!”
Not so long ago Rooster and Red lived in
a tiny tiny nation called Filicophyta Stream.
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| "Hey, Red, just so you know I really have been breathing!" |
(Filicophyta Stream
is a real place. Filicophyta Stream is not a made up
place. Please don’t bother googling it and just trust me. Filicophyta
Stream is real. And people live there. Chickens too! Many many chickens.)
Anyway, Rooster and Red decided to move
from Filicophyta Stream to a nation more suited to the gallus
domesticus species that they so proudly represent.
“Boy I hate our landlord,” said the
Great and Powerful Limp Noodle.
“Hey quit calling me limp noodle,” Ole
Limpy err… I mean Rooster said to the narrator of this true tale.
“Now like I was saying,” repeated
Rooster, “I really hate our landlord. Boy and howdy I wish there was some way
that we could get back at them. For being so nice to us and let us live in
their once nice property lo these many years and for letting us neglect it and
run it to rack and ruin.”
“Oh, but there is Limpy… err Rooster,” answered
Red confidently. “Indeed their cock-a-doodly is! Cock-a-doodle doo,” Red crowed
loudly, “Cock-a-doodle doo!!!!”
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| "Ewww... That isn't what I think it is... is it?" asked the stupid narrator. |
And this is what Rhode Island Red suggested.
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| "Is that chocolate sprinkles or...ewww....nooo. no. no. no." |
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Any
thing that we added to the home we will remove – we will give them nothing.
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We
will damage locks so they can’t secure the premises.
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We
will cause general damage that will put them out of pocket.
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We
will leave the home an absolute filthy mess.
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We
will not take care of the lot one iota.
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We
will leave all the windows open during rain and storms to encourage mould and
mildew.
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We
will leave the crawl space underneath open to encourage animals to habitate.
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We
will leave food out on the floors, counters and in drawers to encourage vermin.
“In short we are going to cost them
money. And to prove that we are superior to those who were so nice to us, the
day we move out for good we will paint a big thank you so they know how mature
and grateful we are for housing us.”
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| "Thank you to our landlord! from the gallus domesticus family! |
“Oh, that Is a belle Plan,” The Great
and Powerful Rooster replied to Rhode Island Red’s suggestion, “That is a belle
plan indeed!”
And that is exactly what Rhode Island
Red and the not so Great and Powerful Rooster did. They left the home an absolute
filthy mess from back to front and top to bottom. Inside and out. Drawers
filled with mouse faeces. Cupboards coated with mouse crap. And floors… well,
you get the picture.
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| "For the love of God make it stop. Please. Please. Please." |
The landlord, however, didn’t seem to
mind the vandalism and purposeful destruction and devaluation of their personal
property. Nope. They were more concerned with a certain Undesirable Neighbour
who lived nearby. Allegedly they complained to the Lord Mayor, the Right Honourable
Doc Ballard, that the Undesirable Neighbour was hammering or sawing or something.
Go figure.
It’s a chicken’s life.
“Ha ha, stupid narrator and stupid
neighbour of immense undesirability. Red and I can do whatever we want and no
one can stop us. No one.”
“Hey,” replied the stupid narrator to
the Great and Powerful Rooster, “I thought you were supposed to be holding your
breath.”
“Shut up,” crowed Cock angrily.
“Yeah but…”
“Shut up shut up!”
“A-“
“Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut!”
“Truly hell hath no fury like a chicken
scorned.”
“Shut – wait, that part you can say.”
“Thank-“
“shut up!!!!!!!”
