In Fernbrook Resort Freelton Hell Hath No Fury Like a Rooster Scorned!

In Fernbrook Resort Freelton Hell Hath No Fury Like a Rooster Scorned!

Rhode Island Red was recently awarded the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval for the fastidious manner in which she maintained the home in which she and her kids live with the Great and Powerful Rooster. 

“Oh, that Is a belle Plan,” The Great and Powerful Rooster replied to Rhode Island Red’s suggestion, “That is a belle plan indeed!”

Not so long ago Rooster and Red lived in a tiny tiny nation called Filicophyta Stream. 

"Hey, Red, just so you know I really have been breathing!"

(Filicophyta Stream is a real place. Filicophyta Stream is not a made up place. Please don’t bother googling it and just trust me. Filicophyta Stream is real. And people live there. Chickens too! Many many chickens.)

Anyway, Rooster and Red decided to move from Filicophyta Stream to a nation more suited to the gallus domesticus species that they so proudly represent. 

“Boy I hate our landlord,” said the Great and Powerful Limp Noodle.

“Hey quit calling me limp noodle,” Ole Limpy err… I mean Rooster said to the narrator of this true tale. 

“Now like I was saying,” repeated Rooster, “I really hate our landlord. Boy and howdy I wish there was some way that we could get back at them. For being so nice to us and let us live in their once nice property lo these many years and for letting us neglect it and run it to rack and ruin.”

“Oh, but there is Limpy… err Rooster,” answered Red confidently. “Indeed their cock-a-doodly is! Cock-a-doodle doo,” Red crowed loudly, “Cock-a-doodle doo!!!!”

"Ewww... That isn't what I think it is... is it?" asked the stupid narrator.

And this is what Rhode Island Red suggested.

"Is that chocolate sprinkles or...ewww....nooo. no. no. no."

-          Any thing that we added to the home we will remove – we will give them nothing.

-          We will damage locks so they can’t secure the premises.

-          We will cause general damage that will put them out of pocket.

-          We will leave the home an absolute filthy mess.

-          We will not take care of the lot one iota.

-          We will leave all the windows open during rain and storms to encourage mould and mildew.

-          We will leave the crawl space underneath open to encourage animals to habitate.

-          We will leave food out on the floors, counters and in drawers to encourage vermin.

“In short we are going to cost them money. And to prove that we are superior to those who were so nice to us, the day we move out for good we will paint a big thank you so they know how mature and grateful we are for housing us.” 

"Thank you to our landlord! from the gallus domesticus family!

“Oh, that Is a belle Plan,” The Great and Powerful Rooster replied to Rhode Island Red’s suggestion, “That is a belle plan indeed!”

 

And that is exactly what Rhode Island Red and the not so Great and Powerful Rooster did. They left the home an absolute filthy mess from back to front and top to bottom. Inside and out. Drawers filled with mouse faeces. Cupboards coated with mouse crap. And floors… well, you get the picture.

"For the love of God make it stop. Please. Please. Please."

The landlord, however, didn’t seem to mind the vandalism and purposeful destruction and devaluation of their personal property. Nope. They were more concerned with a certain Undesirable Neighbour who lived nearby. Allegedly they complained to the Lord Mayor, the Right Honourable Doc Ballard, that the Undesirable Neighbour was hammering or sawing or something. 

Go figure.

It’s a chicken’s life.

“Ha ha, stupid narrator and stupid neighbour of immense undesirability. Red and I can do whatever we want and no one can stop us. No one.”   

“Hey,” replied the stupid narrator to the Great and Powerful Rooster, “I thought you were supposed to be holding your breath.”

“Shut up,” crowed Cock angrily.

“Yeah but…”

“Shut up shut up!” 

“A-“

“Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut!”

“Truly hell hath no fury like a chicken scorned.”

“Shut – wait, that part you can say.”

“Thank-“

“shut up!!!!!!!”