Racism, Profanity & Insults Make Fernbrook Resort Freelton This Years Must Visit Vacation Nation

Racism, Profanity & Insults Make Fernbrook Resort Freelton This Years Must Visit Vacation Nation

 

Fernbrook Resort Freelton's prestigious
Ministry of Slurs Hate and Yobs



For years there have been complaints that the nation of Fernbrook Resort Freelton has been too friendly, too polite, too civil and so on. This slew of complaints resulted in some belated and overdue action by the bureaucracy of the tiny and increasingly ill-tempered nation – the creation of the Ministry of Slurs Hate and Yobs.

The Ministry was created over a year ago but only now are residents and tourists seeing the full effects of this well-planned endeavour.

Last week it was alleged that a tourist who, three weeks previously had been promised various hook-ups for their campsite but had yet to receive them (and so made a second request) was sworn at, cussed out and insulted by a Member of the Ministry after asking Fernbrook Resort to make good on the promise.



A tearful Bonnie Goodday rues her decision to
visit Fernbrook Resort



Said tearful tourist Bonnie Goodday, “I just wanted what I paid for… and had been promised… but when I asked for it they swore at me and questioned my parental ancestry. I was shocked!”

When the Ministry was approached for comment on the allegation we were told to, “Go f*@# yourself you ugly s%^t faced biotch!”

Jerry hardworker was shocked after being racially
assaulted at Fernbrook Resort 

When an African Canadian employee, Jerry Hardworker, of the firm employed to test water was testing the water it was alleged that the individual was subjected to disgusting racial comments by a member of the Ministry who was on hand to ensure that no drops of water were stolen from the cash strapped nation.

“The only reason I come here is because I’m paid,” said an upset Mr. Hardworker, “fortunately, once I get some more experience I can be reassigned to a more upstanding nation like Syria or North Korea.”   

 

When the Ministry was approached for comment on the allegation we were told to, “Go f*@# yourself you ugly s%^t faced biotch!”

As well, the Head of the Ministry has repeatedly been overheard making insulting remarks towards and about several residents

When the Ministry was approached for comment on the allegation we were told to, “Go f*@# yourself you ugly s%^t faced biotch!”

Doc Ballard, Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort

The Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort Freelton His Worship the Right Honourable Doc Ballard was approached for clarification on the role of the Ministry of Slurs Hate and Yobs and He had this to say, “All people ever do is complain, they complain about potholes so we added more and now they complain that there’s still not enough, they complain about electricity so we stop billing them and so they complain about not being billed… and now they complain about our polite behaviour so we swear, make rude racist comments and act in an insulting fashion and they complain about that. You can’t win with these people. If they don’t like it let them go to some loser nation – like Millgrove. Screw you Millgrove, we’re coming for you!”

Oprah Winfrey, The ‘L’ Word and Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Oprah Winfrey, The ‘L’ Word and Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Oprah Winfrey meets and greets some Fernbrook Resort fans!

Oprah Winfrey visited the grand nation of Fernbrook Resort this week with the mission of introducing the once reclusive nation to the world. During her stay Ms. Winfrey interviewed many of Fernbrook Resort’s famous and powerful including the Right Honourable Fredex Purolator, Earl of UPS and also the little nation’s Minister of Free Speech and Expedited Parcels.

"Our nation believes in utterly complete and free speech," crowed Purolator. "You can say what you want whenever you want to with no repercussions."

"So you have no problem with… let’s say profanity?" asked Winfrey.

"Oh, well of course not. In fact we encourage our citizens not only to swear but to do so at the tops of their lungs. Whenever the mood strikes them. Or just when they want to prove how tough they are. You know us chickens… we much prefer loud tough talk tossed from a than to getting our precious feathers ruffled."

"But what if children are present?"

"So much the better," replied Purolator. "Do you want young children learning to cuss from television? The internet? Or on the street? No! You want them to learn from mature adults. Who hide behind fences. Or inside of houses. Or some other safe place where they can act their toughness without actually having to proof that they’re tough."

Ohhhhh…..kayyyyyy," said Winfrey, "and how about name calling?"

"Exact same thing as swearing loudly and needlessly. Just do it!"

Fernbrook Resort’s Fredex Purolator, Earl of UPS
and Minister of Free Speech and Expedited Parcels gets upset

"So," said Winfrey," what if you wanted to call someone a…." and here she pulled out a list and scanned it before making a selection, "what if you wanted to call someone a… a… a… a ‘Lurch’."

"NO!" screamed Fredex Purolator suddenly, "NO! YOU NEVER CALL SOMEONE A LURCH!"

"But you just said – "

"NO!" screamed Purolator a second time. "I hate being called a Lurch. I hate it. Don’t ever say that word. It’s mean and it’s hurtful and it can hurt people’s feelings." The Minister sniffled with tears in his eyes. "Names like that can really hurt…"

"But…"

Fredex Purolator,
after getting his panties in a knot, disrobes and lurchs away 

"NO. That’s it. STOP!" Fredex Purolator said with tears in his eyes. "Never use the ‘L’ word. NEVER! I hate it! I hate being called Lurch. It’s the one thing I hate! Don’t ever say that around me. EVER! And don’t ever refer to me as a horrible boob either. Or my friends. Because that might hurt their feelings too!"

"But in all truth you do move and resemble a Lurch."

"That’s it… This interview is over…" and as the Minister started crying even harder he jumped up from his chair, ripped off all of his clothes and lurched from the interview like a five year old child screaming "Don’t call me Lurch, don’t say the word lurch…Don’t don’t don’t…"