Questions of Color Continue to Dog Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Questions of Color Continue to Dog Fernbrook Resort Freelton



Little Tommy Peststrip relaxes with his pet chicken 'Pall'.



“Momma,” lisped little Tommy Peststrip proudly, “I hates brack fries”

Brunhilda Peststrip searching for any
black flies in her neighborhood 

“It’s pronounced black flies,” corrected his mother Brunhilda Peststrip, “and I hate black flies too!”

Though it isn’t just black flies that tick off the nation of Fernbrook Resort – many in the pigmentation sensitive nation also turn up their noses at black ants, black sunflower stem weevils, black peach aphids, black twig borers, black potter wasps, black earwigs, black army cutworms, black tail bumblebees, black fungus beetles… the list it seems is endless.

In a world where the pigmentation of one’s outer skin, exo-skeleton or outer covering has become increasingly meaningless, in Fernbrook Resort Freelton it’s just the opposite. Colour is everything. If you’re not the right colour then you’re just not welcome.

From earliest infancy the nation’s youth are taught to avoid flies and other insects simply because they aren’t the right hue. That education continues in the nation’s many one room schoolhouses where black flies are banned. And on to adulthood where black flies are neither seen nor heard. In fact citizens are known to complain when they see these non-white figures travelling public thoroughfares.

“Hey,” defended Jethro Bushwhacker, “that makes us sound like we is all a bunch of no account no gooders... But we’s all like da blackfaced leafhopper.”

Jethro Bushwacker, "blackfaced insects are fine by me!"

Though that may be because they think that blackface is simply makeup – i.e. the makeup used by a nonblack performer playing a black role.

Martin Luther Tsetse

Martin Luther Tsetse president of National Association for the Advancement of Equality Among All Regardless of the Colouring or Pigmentation of their Outer Skin, Exo-Skelton, Scales, Feathers or Other Covering (NAFTAOEAAROTCOPOTOSESSFOOC for short) has long and loudly lamented the inequality and downright racism that secretly lives in the cotton picking nation of Fernbrook Resort.

Said Tsetse, “I dream of a day when all insects will be hated equally, a day when we will all be judged solely on the conduct of our character and the content of our soul and not by the crude comments and petty prejudices of a few unenlghtened souls." 

His Worship the Lord Mayor Doc Ballard:
"fewer black flies mean more business, its
simple economics!" 

The Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort, Doc Ballard, has this to say about Tsetse’s statement, “the head of NAFTAOEAAROTCOPOTOSESSFOOC said what? I don’t know what he’s been drinking but if he keeps spouting of with these outlandish statements he’s going to end up being swatted. Or else exiled to Millgrove. Screw you Millgrove we’re coming for you!” he barked excitedly as he began to run in a circle and chase his tail.

Racism, Profanity & Insults Make Fernbrook Resort Freelton This Years Must Visit Vacation Nation

Racism, Profanity & Insults Make Fernbrook Resort Freelton This Years Must Visit Vacation Nation

 

Fernbrook Resort Freelton's prestigious
Ministry of Slurs Hate and Yobs



For years there have been complaints that the nation of Fernbrook Resort Freelton has been too friendly, too polite, too civil and so on. This slew of complaints resulted in some belated and overdue action by the bureaucracy of the tiny and increasingly ill-tempered nation – the creation of the Ministry of Slurs Hate and Yobs.

The Ministry was created over a year ago but only now are residents and tourists seeing the full effects of this well-planned endeavour.

Last week it was alleged that a tourist who, three weeks previously had been promised various hook-ups for their campsite but had yet to receive them (and so made a second request) was sworn at, cussed out and insulted by a Member of the Ministry after asking Fernbrook Resort to make good on the promise.



A tearful Bonnie Goodday rues her decision to
visit Fernbrook Resort



Said tearful tourist Bonnie Goodday, “I just wanted what I paid for… and had been promised… but when I asked for it they swore at me and questioned my parental ancestry. I was shocked!”

When the Ministry was approached for comment on the allegation we were told to, “Go f*@# yourself you ugly s%^t faced biotch!”

Jerry hardworker was shocked after being racially
assaulted at Fernbrook Resort 

When an African Canadian employee, Jerry Hardworker, of the firm employed to test water was testing the water it was alleged that the individual was subjected to disgusting racial comments by a member of the Ministry who was on hand to ensure that no drops of water were stolen from the cash strapped nation.

“The only reason I come here is because I’m paid,” said an upset Mr. Hardworker, “fortunately, once I get some more experience I can be reassigned to a more upstanding nation like Syria or North Korea.”   

 

When the Ministry was approached for comment on the allegation we were told to, “Go f*@# yourself you ugly s%^t faced biotch!”

As well, the Head of the Ministry has repeatedly been overheard making insulting remarks towards and about several residents

When the Ministry was approached for comment on the allegation we were told to, “Go f*@# yourself you ugly s%^t faced biotch!”

Doc Ballard, Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort

The Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort Freelton His Worship the Right Honourable Doc Ballard was approached for clarification on the role of the Ministry of Slurs Hate and Yobs and He had this to say, “All people ever do is complain, they complain about potholes so we added more and now they complain that there’s still not enough, they complain about electricity so we stop billing them and so they complain about not being billed… and now they complain about our polite behaviour so we swear, make rude racist comments and act in an insulting fashion and they complain about that. You can’t win with these people. If they don’t like it let them go to some loser nation – like Millgrove. Screw you Millgrove, we’re coming for you!”