Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s Canine Obsessive Compulsive Feces Disorder Declared to be a Load of Crap

Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s Canine Obsessive Compulsive Feces Disorder Declared to be a Load of Crap

Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s Dr. Feelgood School of Medical Research, Diagnostics and Lip-synching recently confirmed a canine disorder that they have coined ‘Canine Obsessive Compulsive Feces Disorder’. The ‘disorder’ supposedly makes a dog drop a steaming load of feces in front of the driver’s door of a vehicle under the cover of darkness every evening.

"Canine OCD is a load of
crap," announced
Sir Yaps-a-lot.

But the canine crowd of Fernbrook Resort is protesting the legitimacy of such a diagnosis.

“There is no such thing as Canine Obsessive Compulsive Feces Disorder,” announced the distinguished Sir Yaps-a-lot, “it’s a completely made up disability.”

But who would do such a thing? And why?

"Bad humans! Bad" barked
Bilbo Fleabaggins.

Replied Bilbo Fleabaggins, “those meatsacks that lock us up for twenty-three hours and thirty minutes every day. That’s like seven days to us. Bad humans. Bad,” he growled.

But that doesn’t explain why.



JK Growling growled:
"Bad humans! Bad!"



“Because ninety-three percent of those stupid meatsacks are cowards. In fact so cowardly are they that instead of growling or biting those who offend them… like a proper mammal… they toss feces in the dead of night and run away like some stupid gallus domesticus. But they’re too cowardly to toss their own feces. So they toss ours. So that they can claim plausible deniability in a court of law if they get caught,” snarled JK Growling. “Bad humans. Bad.”

"Grow up humans!" yelped
Pickles McPorkchop.

Is there any cure for such adolescent and immature behaviour?

“Yeah,” yowled Pickles McPorkchop, “they could become mature adults and grow up. Like that’s ever going to happen, “he added sarcastically. “But until then they’ll always be Bad humans. Bad. Bad.”

But would maturing stop them those stupid meatsacks from being chicken hearted cowards?

"Seriously... do I dress like a mutt?"
asked Jabba the Mutt

“No it wouldn’t,” replied Jabba the Mutt, “once a coward always a coward. And if you’re only brave under the cover of darkness or when someone’s back is turned you’ll always be a coward. No matter how loud you bark. Or talk I mean. Stupid meatsacks and their gibberish sounds. Why can’t they bark or moo or something like higher intelligence mammals. Bad humans. Bad. Bad. Bad.”

In a candid moment, Anderson
Pooper is caught lamenting his name.

“But if they did act like mature adults perhaps they would give us normal names like Leslie or Dale or Denise or Alice or… or… well anything’s better than Anderson Pooper,” remarked Anderson Pooper sadly.

“Speak for yourself,” responded Ma Barker.

“You know what I mean.”

Ma Barker: "Not only did my humans
give me a stupud name, they also
dress me funny!" 

“Yeah,” replied Barker.

“They give us stupid names, do stupid things, run around acting like a bunch of stupid cowardly chickens and they have the temerity to consider themselves our masters! Bad humans! Bad! Bad! Bad!”