Fernbrook Resort Freelton Hits Number One on United Nations Newly Created Pomposity, Arrogance Indices

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Hits Number One on United Nations Newly Created Pomposity, Arrogance Indices

The United Nation's Oh Joon
discusses Fernbrook Resort with the Press.

In an effort to show the world that some of its citizens were not being shunned, ignored or otherwise unacknowledged by the cultural and moral elite simply for not being like them, the holier than thou nation of Fernbrook Resort Freelton invited the United Nations Economic and Social President Oh Joon to revisit the land.

And Oh Joon graciously accepted the offer.

An invitation which he now regrets accepting.



A pothole snarls traffic on one of
Fernbrook Resort Freelton's
major arteries.



“Almost immediately upon disembarking from a six hour donkey ride to the transit impaired nation I was pointed towards an individual and encouraged to speak with them,” recounted Oh Joon, “which I did. And I had an enlightening and lively discussion on the economic implications of a Brexit on the European Union. And all seemed well. This nation has reformed its ill ways… and very quickly I thought.”

But all was not as it seemed.

“As well I had some conversations with the assumed ‘cultural and moral elite’,” Joon candidly confirmed using air quotes to belittle the so-called betters. “They didn’t know what Brexit was. Or the European Union. And for that matter they had never even heard of Europe. Quite honestly I suspect they still believe the earth to be flat. Anyway… when they were walking away one turned to the other and I distinctly heard her say quietly and under her breath, ‘Do you think he bought it?’”

Bought it meaning do you think we fooled him? That we’re no longer thumbing our noses at the low lifes we let into our superior nation and neighborhoods. And that we’re treating these losers as equals.

Oh Joon presides over a vote
at the United Nations

“Well,” said Oh Joon, “they did have me fooled and I did buy it. Until she asked ‘Do you think he bought it?” just seconds after departing and less than six feet away. So I didn’t have a choice. I returned immediately to the United Nations and called the General Assembly together for a discussion.

The result of that meeting was the creation of two knew indices. The Arrogance Index which measures how arrogant a nation’s citizens are and the Pomposity Index which measures the pretentiousness of a nation’s inhabitants.

Naturally a vote was held and Fernbrook Resort Freelton won each of the new categories hands down. Gaining the title of the world’s most arrogant nation and the world’s most pretentious nation to go along with their title of earth’s most immature nation. No other nation received even one vote. Or even a mention. 

Fernbrook Resort's Doc Ballard:
"Quit judging us world!"

Doc Ballard, Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s Lord Mayor had this to say about his thrice disgraced nation, “If the world would just stop judging us by our actions and believe what we say without question then I have no doubt that the world would believe exactly what we tell them to believe. So how about it world? How about closing your eyes and opening your unquestioning ears to a nation filled with folks that are much better than you?” he pleaded.

Responded Oh Joon, “I just don’t think they get it.”

North Korea's Supreme Leader sports
his nation's newest hair style - no, that's not a hat!

But it was a banner day for the nation of North Korea “Congratulations,” crowed the bad haircut wearing nation’s Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un “You win again Fernbrook Resort Freelton. At losing. Because number one at being bad isn’t winning, it’s losing. HA ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. We’re number two,” he yelled clapping his hands loudly, “We’re number two! We’re number two!”