Are Paul and Tom Harassing and Bullying Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s More Undesirable Neighbours?

Are Paul and Tom Bullying Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s Most Undesirable Neighbours?

Someone in Fernbrook Resort Freelton likes to play their music excessively loud for excessively long periods. Their reasoning for doing this is that the Undesirable Neighbour is making noise so that they can make noise as well. Yeah. They’re blaming someone else for their misdeeds. I’m only doing it because they did it so it’s not my fault. Very mature.

Strangely the only ones that hear the Undesirable Neighbour’s alleged noisemaking is the confirmed noisemaker themselves.

How’s that for a coincidence?

This summer Paul was heard complaining about how unkempt an extremely Undesirable Neighbour’s property always was. A mature and intelligent young lady alleged, “Perhaps if Tom wasn’t always going over there damaging things that the Undesirable Neighbour wouldn’t have to do every job twice and so would have time to tidy up.”

It has been alleged that in the early morning hours Paul trespasses onto the property’s of certain Undesirable Neighbours, bangs on doors and or windows and the scurries quickly away. This does not happen every day. But when these events have occured they usually take place between the hours of 4 and 4:30 AM. Paul leaves for work around 4:50 AM.

How’s that for a coincidence?

An unknown young man, not a resident of Fernbrook Resort Freelton, remarked to a certain young lady about an Undesirable Neighbour that “They don’t look gay.” The young lady replied that the Undesirable was not gay but that, “Tom and Paul were saying that they were gay as an excuse to harass the neighbor.”

If Tom has been making claims that the Undesirable Neighbour is gay than Tom is a liar.

If Paul has been making claims that the Undesirable Neighbour is gay than Paul is a liar.

And if they are lying about a neighbor’s sexuality as a justification to vandalize and harass than what else are they lying about?

When someone lies behind your back it’s because they’re scared of you. But when someone lies to your face it means they don’t respect you. They think that they’re smarter than you so they can say whatever they want and you won’t be able to do anything about it.

Well, I guess we all know who the smartest citizens of Fernbrook Resort Freelton are. 

Or at least who thinks they are.

One Good Old Boy's Mickey Mouse Criminal Designs for Fernbrook Resort Freelton?

One Good Old Boy's Mickey Mouse Criminal Designs for Fernbrook Resort Freelton? 

Some time ago it was alleged that a mickey mouse plan to shorten out a certain Undesirable Neighbour’s allotted time on this earth was in the works. That plan, however, did not come to fruition as a certain Family in Woodbridge issued a stern ‘hands off warning’.

The good ole boys of Fernbrook Resort Freelton seem to have forgotten that warning.

Yes, over the last several days a certain good ole boy has been loudly mouthing off non-stop about a certain Undesirable Neighbours make.

He’s been loudly complaining about an Undesirable Neighbour who was sawing. Yeah, that’s right this good ole baby has been crying the blues because neighbour undesirable sawed a piece of wood or whatever. And it disturbed him. Strangely however another neighbour blared their stereo continuously for fourteen and one half hours one recent Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning and monsieur hypocrite was quite fine with that. Nor did this good ole hypocrite complain when that same neighbour cranked up the tuneage for another six hours the very next Saturday. Not one complaint. No, this good ole crybaby’s complaint was that a neighbour sawed a piece of wood.       

Boo hoo hoo hoo.

But that’s not all. A petition that Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s biggest crybaby originated to evict neighbour undesirable was turned down. For the moment. Which gave this good ole boy something good to cry some more about.

Boo hoo hoo hoo

But that’s still not all. Nope. Allegedly this good ole boy has been discussing plans to clean out the Undesirable Neighbour’s home. A robbery. He alleged that a plan was long in place to rob a home here in Fernbrook Resort. But that crime never took place he alleged because ‘I’ had steadfastly refused to permit ‘T’ to knock off the joint. But ‘I’, Fernbrook Resort’s godfather of crime, has now given the thumbs up. It has been alleged that ‘T’ has said that they can easily pick the lock of the home. Allegedly ‘T’ wants to grab the computer in order to gain passwords etc. and erase information about incriminating acts pertaining to them published on the internet. It has also been alleged that ‘T’ said that they know that “there is money in there”. Of course there is. It was alleged that a certain ‘P’ was going to help out. And someone with the initial ‘M’ alleged that they had dibs on the ‘cast brass’ contents of the garden shed.   

As usual the plan calls for execution either in the early AM hours of a Monday morning or else in the early AM of a Thursday morning.

Not much anyone can do but sit back and wait to see if it’s simply a canard or fait accompli.

Like we said before a certain good ole boy was warned by the Family in Woodbridge to leave the Undesirable Neighbour alone. Unfortunately that certain good ole boy has forgotten that warning.

Boo hoo hoo hoo

Oh, that’s not the Undesirable Neighbour crying over being robbed. It’s the sound coming from a certain home that has a little less joy in it after receiving a reminder.

And no, this isn’t their reminder.

But it is a belle plan. It is a belle plan indeed.

Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo

In Fernbrook Resort Freelton Hell Hath No Fury Like a Rooster Scorned!

In Fernbrook Resort Freelton Hell Hath No Fury Like a Rooster Scorned!

Rhode Island Red was recently awarded the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval for the fastidious manner in which she maintained the home in which she and her kids live with the Great and Powerful Rooster. 

“Oh, that Is a belle Plan,” The Great and Powerful Rooster replied to Rhode Island Red’s suggestion, “That is a belle plan indeed!”

Not so long ago Rooster and Red lived in a tiny tiny nation called Filicophyta Stream. 

"Hey, Red, just so you know I really have been breathing!"

(Filicophyta Stream is a real place. Filicophyta Stream is not a made up place. Please don’t bother googling it and just trust me. Filicophyta Stream is real. And people live there. Chickens too! Many many chickens.)

Anyway, Rooster and Red decided to move from Filicophyta Stream to a nation more suited to the gallus domesticus species that they so proudly represent. 

“Boy I hate our landlord,” said the Great and Powerful Limp Noodle.

“Hey quit calling me limp noodle,” Ole Limpy err… I mean Rooster said to the narrator of this true tale. 

“Now like I was saying,” repeated Rooster, “I really hate our landlord. Boy and howdy I wish there was some way that we could get back at them. For being so nice to us and let us live in their once nice property lo these many years and for letting us neglect it and run it to rack and ruin.”

“Oh, but there is Limpy… err Rooster,” answered Red confidently. “Indeed their cock-a-doodly is! Cock-a-doodle doo,” Red crowed loudly, “Cock-a-doodle doo!!!!”

"Ewww... That isn't what I think it is... is it?" asked the stupid narrator.

And this is what Rhode Island Red suggested.

"Is that chocolate sprinkles or...ewww....nooo. no. no. no."

-          Any thing that we added to the home we will remove – we will give them nothing.

-          We will damage locks so they can’t secure the premises.

-          We will cause general damage that will put them out of pocket.

-          We will leave the home an absolute filthy mess.

-          We will not take care of the lot one iota.

-          We will leave all the windows open during rain and storms to encourage mould and mildew.

-          We will leave the crawl space underneath open to encourage animals to habitate.

-          We will leave food out on the floors, counters and in drawers to encourage vermin.

“In short we are going to cost them money. And to prove that we are superior to those who were so nice to us, the day we move out for good we will paint a big thank you so they know how mature and grateful we are for housing us.” 

"Thank you to our landlord! from the gallus domesticus family!

“Oh, that Is a belle Plan,” The Great and Powerful Rooster replied to Rhode Island Red’s suggestion, “That is a belle plan indeed!”

 

And that is exactly what Rhode Island Red and the not so Great and Powerful Rooster did. They left the home an absolute filthy mess from back to front and top to bottom. Inside and out. Drawers filled with mouse faeces. Cupboards coated with mouse crap. And floors… well, you get the picture.

"For the love of God make it stop. Please. Please. Please."

The landlord, however, didn’t seem to mind the vandalism and purposeful destruction and devaluation of their personal property. Nope. They were more concerned with a certain Undesirable Neighbour who lived nearby. Allegedly they complained to the Lord Mayor, the Right Honourable Doc Ballard, that the Undesirable Neighbour was hammering or sawing or something. 

Go figure.

It’s a chicken’s life.

“Ha ha, stupid narrator and stupid neighbour of immense undesirability. Red and I can do whatever we want and no one can stop us. No one.”   

“Hey,” replied the stupid narrator to the Great and Powerful Rooster, “I thought you were supposed to be holding your breath.”

“Shut up,” crowed Cock angrily.

“Yeah but…”

“Shut up shut up!” 

“A-“

“Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut!”

“Truly hell hath no fury like a chicken scorned.”

“Shut – wait, that part you can say.”

“Thank-“

“shut up!!!!!!!”

That “Is a belle picture” Fernbrook Resort Freelton Residents Exclaim proudly!

That “Is a belle picture” Fernbrook Resort Freelton Residents Exclaim proudly!   

     

Fernbrook Resort residents confirm that this adored work of art 'Is a belle picture'.

Residents of Fernbrook Resort Freelton were as pleased as bowl of spiked punch at a junior prom when the latest work of art by the nation’s leading painter, Rhode Island Red, was unveiled last week. Previously known for decorating the country’s heavy equipment and machinery with paint and glitter under cover of darkness this is a new direction for the artist.

"I'm a famous artist," clucked Rhode Island Red.

Painted on the side of a dilapidated structure the picture has been proudly titled “Giving You the Finger Ha Ha Ha Ha” and shows a balled up fist with only the middle finger showing, standing straight and erect.

“I haven’t seen anything standing straight or erect since only god knows when…  truth be told I’d settle for just a finger once in a while… how I only wish I could get a finger once in a while… even a little one, you know… like a pinky” Rhode Island Red said wistfully referring to her significant other, the Great and Powerful Old Wet Noodle, “but that ship has sailed. And it’s not coming home any time soon. Nosireeeee… that boat is gone, Whooooweee…. So, instead, I decided to give the finger to Fernbrook. It says so much about me. And about who I am as a chicken.”

"Upon closer inspection this is not art," declared critic Arthur Critique

Art critics however were not as impressed with the painting.

Said Arthur Critique Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s renowned art critic, “this looks like it was painted between the hours of 11 AM and 12 PM on a Saturday morning by someone still heavily influenced by alcohol after a night of hard drinking and snorting Captain Crunch.”

     

"Hey kids snort a bowl of me and you can fail art class too!" 

Psychologist ‘Special’ Ed Jeung remarked that, “clearly this was done by someone who is petty and childish. Upset that they couldn’t have their own way they painted this as a revenge. Oneupmanship. Then, to hide the picture’s true intent and hidden symbolism, called it art.”

 

“Don’t call me Art… its Arthur,” interrupted Arthur Critique huffily.

“I wasn’t calling you ‘Art’ I was saying that the picture wasn’t art,” replied Special Ed.

“Oh, well, that is something that we can both definitely agree on.”

“They can just kiss my ass,” replied Rhode Island Red hopefully. “Seriously. I am not kidding. They can both kiss my ass. At the same time. Or they can take turns. In fact if you could just slip them my address… or perhaps give them my cell that would be fantastic. Please… Pretty please?” she trailed off desperately.

The aforementioned work of art is to be moved indoors to Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s world belittled “I Can’t Believe it’s an Art Gallery,” located at the intersection of Biteme and Now.

Fernbrook Resort Freelton's 'Art Gallery' serves as a car wash Monday's through Friday's.

ATTENTION. Indecent Exposure: The Sex Life of a Rhode Island Red Roosting at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

ATTENTION. Indecent Exposure: The Sex Life of a Rhode Island Red Roosting at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Is the Great and Powerful Rooster not as virile as he crows?

For those who are unfamiliar with Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s infamous Rhode Island Red you should know that she is Fernbrooks Queen of Indecent Exposure. She enjoys exposing her mammary glands and pubic regions to Undesirable Neighbours…

…and especially so when her liege lord the famous Great and Powerful Rooster orders her to.

Bossing Rhode Island Red titillates Rooster. Making him feel even more powerful. In fact Rooster has even had public pseudo sex with her. He faked an act of sexual congress in public to prove he was all male. 

"I'm so tired of noodles every night," said Red, "Couldn't I have a tube steak for a change?"

But that isn’t really sex now is it? Indecently exposing yourself to others on command. Fake sex. No. To get the story on Rhode Island Red’s sexual proclivities we spoke with her chicks. Well, we didn’t speak with, they were actually speaking with their friends and we just happened to be in earshot. And the kids were discussing – in quite graphic detail – the toys she used and the get ups her and Rooster would dress up in. 

However we’re not going to get into all the toys and leathers and whips and handcuffs and etc etc etc this episode.

Does this remind you of a not so great and powerful rooster?

Though, apparently, according to Rhode Island Red, the Great and Powerful Rooster is a “limp noodle” at the best of times. And the best of times are few and far between. This is what she said to the Blue Hen of Delaware and the Fallen Saint a while back.

Getting back to the kids… I think it is important that children of the appropriate age are given proper sexual information. 

BUT do you really want your kids walking around Fernbrook Resort Freelton discussing your personal and private sexual habits WITH OTHER CHILDREN?

Most adults wouldn’t.

"The only rise I can get is by indecently exposing myself," confirms Rhode Island Red.

But if you are the kind of chicken who indecently exposes yourself to others on command than more than likely you don’t mind all the adults and all the children knowing and publicly discussing your sexual peccadilloes.

You want ATTENTION.

And if it takes attention to pacify Rhode Island Red and the Great and Powerful Rooster and their appaulingly dimwitted friends then Attention you shall have.