Fernbrook Resort Freelton Hits Number One on United Nations Newly Created Pomposity, Arrogance Indices

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Hits Number One on United Nations Newly Created Pomposity, Arrogance Indices

The United Nation's Oh Joon
discusses Fernbrook Resort with the Press.

In an effort to show the world that some of its citizens were not being shunned, ignored or otherwise unacknowledged by the cultural and moral elite simply for not being like them, the holier than thou nation of Fernbrook Resort Freelton invited the United Nations Economic and Social President Oh Joon to revisit the land.

And Oh Joon graciously accepted the offer.

An invitation which he now regrets accepting.



A pothole snarls traffic on one of
Fernbrook Resort Freelton's
major arteries.



“Almost immediately upon disembarking from a six hour donkey ride to the transit impaired nation I was pointed towards an individual and encouraged to speak with them,” recounted Oh Joon, “which I did. And I had an enlightening and lively discussion on the economic implications of a Brexit on the European Union. And all seemed well. This nation has reformed its ill ways… and very quickly I thought.”

But all was not as it seemed.

“As well I had some conversations with the assumed ‘cultural and moral elite’,” Joon candidly confirmed using air quotes to belittle the so-called betters. “They didn’t know what Brexit was. Or the European Union. And for that matter they had never even heard of Europe. Quite honestly I suspect they still believe the earth to be flat. Anyway… when they were walking away one turned to the other and I distinctly heard her say quietly and under her breath, ‘Do you think he bought it?’”

Bought it meaning do you think we fooled him? That we’re no longer thumbing our noses at the low lifes we let into our superior nation and neighborhoods. And that we’re treating these losers as equals.

Oh Joon presides over a vote
at the United Nations

“Well,” said Oh Joon, “they did have me fooled and I did buy it. Until she asked ‘Do you think he bought it?” just seconds after departing and less than six feet away. So I didn’t have a choice. I returned immediately to the United Nations and called the General Assembly together for a discussion.

The result of that meeting was the creation of two knew indices. The Arrogance Index which measures how arrogant a nation’s citizens are and the Pomposity Index which measures the pretentiousness of a nation’s inhabitants.

Naturally a vote was held and Fernbrook Resort Freelton won each of the new categories hands down. Gaining the title of the world’s most arrogant nation and the world’s most pretentious nation to go along with their title of earth’s most immature nation. No other nation received even one vote. Or even a mention. 

Fernbrook Resort's Doc Ballard:
"Quit judging us world!"

Doc Ballard, Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s Lord Mayor had this to say about his thrice disgraced nation, “If the world would just stop judging us by our actions and believe what we say without question then I have no doubt that the world would believe exactly what we tell them to believe. So how about it world? How about closing your eyes and opening your unquestioning ears to a nation filled with folks that are much better than you?” he pleaded.

Responded Oh Joon, “I just don’t think they get it.”

North Korea's Supreme Leader sports
his nation's newest hair style - no, that's not a hat!

But it was a banner day for the nation of North Korea “Congratulations,” crowed the bad haircut wearing nation’s Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un “You win again Fernbrook Resort Freelton. At losing. Because number one at being bad isn’t winning, it’s losing. HA ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. We’re number two,” he yelled clapping his hands loudly, “We’re number two! We’re number two!”

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Voted World’s Most Adolescent Nation by the United Nations

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Voted World’s Most Adolescent Nation by the United Nations

In a vote that shocked no one in its one-sidedness the juvenile nation of Fernbrook Resort Freelton was ranked as earth’s most adolescent nation on the United Nation’s Immaturity Index. Every other nation on the planet tied for last place.

UN's Oh Joon presiding over the

recent Adolescent Index vote.

UN Economic and Social Council President Oh Joon explained the reason for the landslide vote. “I was visiting that whiny nation when a Fernbrook Resort citizen came up to me and asked me not to speak to another citizen, to acknowledge them or in any way to communicate with them. Frankly I was stunned at the puerile nature of the request… so I brought the issue back to the UN for discussion and a vote was held.”   

For those who don’t know Fernbrook Resort Freelton is a community comprised of many maturity stunted 'adults' whose crap smells infintely superior to their neighbors. In fact many Fernbrook Resort citizens spend hours smelling the asses and feces of each another. If your crap or your crack doesn’t pass the sniff test then folks just may not acknowledge you.

Lyndsay Bigheart: "I should move to a mature nation like North Korea!"



Though not every citizen of Fernbrook Resort participates in the childish behavior.

Lyndsay Bigheart said, “I was told that I shouldn’t speak to a certain neighbour and I thought what? What is Fernbrook Resort? A high school for emotionally stunted adults? I've got to get out of this snob factory and move to Millgrove.”

Ned Niceperson, "I am embarrassd to
say I live in Fernbrook Resort 

Ned Niceperson added, “as a mature adult I refused to lower myself to the immaturity of many of my fellow neighbors. I swear that Fernbrook resort is Hell's Waiting Room. May Satan have mercy in their souls as no doubt, God has given up on them.”

Samantha Sweetheart, "on the bright side it looks like they've graduated from tossing feces at each other, so maybe they're growing up a little."

Samantha Swetheart:
"maybe Fernbrook Resort is maturing?"



Ted Friendly : " I wish these people
wouldn't talk to me either!"



Ted Friendly, “when I heard about this obnoxious behaviour I thought to myself, that family is one bunch of lucky bastards... how the hell can I get these juveniles to stop talking to me? Is there a list I can put my name on?”

"ha ha ha ha ha," said an elated km Jung-Un



When North Korea’s Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un was infromed about the UN tally he started jumping up and down and clapping his hands while shouting, “ha ha ha ha we beat you Fernbrook Resort, you’re number one… at sucking… ha ha ha ha ha.”

Doc Ballard : 'my feces smells
April fresh even in May!



The Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort Doc Ballard was ask to comment on the vote held by the United Nations and he replied, “well, if that’s the way the world feels then we’re just not going to acknowledge them either!”

When the United Nations was informed of the Fernbrook Resort’s threat a new world holiday was declared to celebrate being put on Fernbrook Resort’s “Do Not Acknowledge List.”

If you wish to be put on Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s “Do Not Acknowledge List” just send a letter or phone them up (collect calls only please) with your name and pertinent details.