Telling the Truth May Lead to a Lawsuit at Hyper-Sensitive Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Telling the Truth May Lead to a Lawsuit at Hyper-Sensitive Fernbrook Resort Freelton

"You are so sued!"

No doubt constant readers will remember the true tale (see: http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2016/10/keep-your-hands-off-my-pussy-fernbrook.html) of an unnamed Fernbrook Resort Freelton neighbor, referred to as the Silences, who, allegedly, banned their family from conversing with Neighbour Undesirable. And then confined their cat to the house when that same nieghbour was seen giving the hungry pussy a few strokes of attention.

Well, the tale just got stranger.

"Boo hoo hoo hoo,: cried Nancy the neighbour, "Telling the truth about me has hurt my feelings!"

Allegedly an unnamed Fernbrook Resort Freelton family contacted a lawyer. Feeling that the tale in question - “Keep Your Hands Off My Pussy!” Fernbrook Resort Freelton Neighbour Loudly Declares - was a slur on their good name. Even though no one was named in the tale. 

Perhaps their name isn’t that good. 

Anyway, their lawyer agreed with them (not about their name being no good [though no doubt he suspects that] but the part about being mortally defamed. That someone saying that an unnamed someone similar to them that did not allow their family to talk to a neighbor or allow their pussy out to be petted, was indeed grounds for a lawsuit. 

But then if I was charging two hundred bucks an hour no doubt I would agree with my client as well.

Though it does raise one question… why on earth would anyone think that the aforementioned story was about them? … Unless of course that is that they had actually told their family NOT to talk to someone AND/OR suddenly stopped allowing their cat outside.

And if they did, then how can they claim defamation? Or request damages?  

Because in this particular instance the truth is actually a defense against defamation.

And if the story is not true, how can they prove the unnamed family in the story is actually them? And again if they could ever do that, what damages could they expect when they did find the name of whomever was spreading these awful and hideous slurs about them? Not letting your pussy out to wander. INDEED! How hurtful. No doubt they’d win some valuable pocket lint and a half eaten roll of Lifesavers™ because their feelings were so so terribly hurt and they could no longer sleep at nights. 

Hypothetically, if I were the accused, I would ask the complainant just two questions. The first would be to detail conversations that each member of that family had had with the accused. And, the second, how often they allowed their pussy out for some air.

But I’m sure they would have some sort of excuse for both if the responses were indeed negative. As I suspect they would be.

Funny thing is… ever since that story ‘ “Keep Your Hands Off My Pussy!” Fernbrook Resort Freelton Neighbour Loudly Declares ’ was published not one resident in the Pine Cone Smoking Land of Fernbrook Resort Freelton has ever seen the Silences cat pussy footing around outside.

How’s that for a coincidence.

So good luck with that lawsuit. I hope your shady lawyer bilks you worse than a guilty client in a John Grisham novel. And I only hope that because you deserve it. And if you have any money left over when the case is settled … Go buy yourself a case of hair conditioner and a crate of epidermis thickener you whiny hypersensitive selective-memoried little nancy.

  

"If someone would mind my cat I could find time to become a lawyer," remarked Carlene Coitus-Interruptus

  (On a sidebar – did you know that in Ontario referring to someone a homosexual, gay, queer etc. is grounds for a lawsuit. Defamation, mental anguish, harassment, loss of affection etc. And if you’re fortunate you can settle out of court with a tidy untaxable sum and retire (perhaps at a young age) and never have to work again?”)

“Keep Your Hands Off My Pussy!” Fernbrook Resort Freelton Neighbour Loudly Declares

“Keep Your Hands Off My Pussy!” Fernbrook Resort Freelton Neighbour Loudly Declares

"Who wouldn't like to pet my my cat?" queried Sylvia Trench

After reading numerous tales about the numerous Fernbrook Resort Freelton neighbours who don’t curb their dogs, who bully, who vandalize, who steal, who tote and toss faeces, who… who… well, you get the point. There is nothing that should surprise you about the behaviours of the residents of earth’s most Holier-than-thou-nation. Sorry Pope Francis and the Vatican – you only finished sixth in that category.

And the latest poop?

Well, it seems that one of the neighbours, the Silences, have ordered their family (spouse and kids) not to talk to or otherwise engage neighbor Undesirable. But this type of behavior is old hat among the residents of Fernbrook Resort Freelton.

So that’s not the poop.

The poop is that another neighbor, Neighbour Busybody, saw neighbour Undesirable petting the Silence’s cat. And immediately ran over and told the Silences. As a result the Silences decided that their pussy is no longer allowed to roam free around Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s faeces covered landscape. From now on it spends 24 / 7 / 365 indoors.

And quite honestly I don’t know which is more pathetic. That a neighbor is so… so jealous?... of another that they would take it out on their cat.

"That poor poor cat!" remarked Candy Hottotrot

Or that neighbor Busybody would actually run over and say, “Hey, Silences, neighbour Undesirable was seen petting your household pussy. You better do something about it… before you become un desirable yourself.”

Quite honestly I think both are equally pathetic and sad.  Not just the situations but the nieghbours who would conduct themselves in such a mature manner. But as I might be biased I decided to conduct a random and informal survey of some of our Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s more sensible residents and gauge their opinion.

Brandy Sexington asked, "If you don't like cats perhaps you like my kittens?"

Said Candy Hottotrot after being informed of the sorry situation, “How horrible! Well, if that neighbor would like to pet my pussy than they are more than welcome. I’m sure I… I mean it… it… would enjoy the action.”

"I know my cat needs plenty of attention" said Venus Poon Tang.

Brandy Sexington was also surprised at the allegation. And also willing to provide a pussy. “Every pussy needs attention… so when can I stop by and get some attention? For my cat I mean… some attention for my cat.”

“No pussy should be neglected,” remarked Venus Poon Tang with a sexy smile, “In fact I know of a pussy that could use constant attention right now.”

But perhaps the last word goes to Ms. Sinnamon Bunns. “Well perhaps if the Silences gave their pussy the attention it’s seeking than it wouldn’t go wandering over to a neighbours home looking for a good time.”

Ms. Sinnamon Bunns (center) with Fernbrook Resort friends Kitty Katzenburger and Betty Rubble.