Lawsuits and Legal Maneuverings Continue
to Plague Fernbrook Resort Freelton
The Great and Powerful Rooster was back
in action yesterday. As He was unusually tight-beaked all we know for certain
is that Rooster attended a lawyer’s office. That Rooster claimed to have been
defamed on an internet blog. And that the lawyer rejected His claim. Because we
don’t know exactly what transpired between A and Z we’re going to have to use
some deductions to determine exactly what happened.
WARNING: If the use of logic causes you headaches,
rashes or other medical impairments please stop reading here and see your
doctor immediately!
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| "My name is being defamed," crowed Rooster (whose real name isn't Rooster). |
“Monsieur Law Cat Junior,” said an
indignant Rooster, “I have been mortally defamed,” He continued with crocodile tears
in his eyes, “my Undesirable Neighbour wrote in an internet blog that my
friends like cock.”
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| "Who's suing who at Fernbrook Resort Freelton?" |
“Hmmm hhhmmm,” mused Law Cat Jr., “but
cock is just another name for a Rooster… kind of like dick is just another name
for Richard. It’s not defamatory. It’s just popularly accepted usage.”
“But I don’t like it. I want to sue the Undesirable
Neighbour. Where do I go to get my money?” asked Rooster.
“Hmmm hhhmmm,” mused Law Cat once more, “Your
real name isn’t Rooster? Is it? So why do you think that blog is about you? If
you’re not really some stupid cock?”
“I don’t think it’s about me. Everyone
else thinks it’s about me. EVERYONE!”
“Hmmm hhhmmm,” mused Law Cat again, “And
have you ever dropped dog faeces or trespassed or vandalized or stolen or… or…”
“Of course not,” interrupted Rooster
angrily. “None of that has ever happened. It’s all completely made up.
COMPLETELY!”
“Hmmm hhhmmm,” mused Law Cat, “So if you
name’s not really Rooster and none of these crimes have ever been committed by
you or anyone at Fernbrook Resort than why do you think that these badly
written unfunny and terribly boring internet stories are about you?”
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| Monsieur Law Cat Junior |
“Because some people make chicken wing
motions with their arms when they see me. Other people cluck loudly like a
chicken. And kids point at me and start crowing like a Rooster. So I shake my
wing at them. But they just laugh and run away.”
“Hmmm hhhmmm,” mused Law Cat, ‘Now, this
Undesirable Neighbour family you speak of, how do you know they’re posting
stories to the internet and that the stories are specifically about you? Your
name is not Rooster. You haven’t done any wrong… according to you. Have they
ever admitted to posting these stories? Have they ever complained about having
dog faeces dumped daily on their lawn? Of trespasses? Of harassment?”
“No,” agreed Rooster.
“Hmmm hhhmmm,” mused Law Cat, “Well, if
your name is not Rooster, you haven’t committed these crimes AND no one has
ever accused you of committing a crime or even complained that a crime has been
committed against them… than how do you even know who wrote these… these… trite
and tiredly droll tales.”
“Because I just know. That’s how. No
more questions. Everyone in Fernbrook obeys me without question and I order you
to do the same. Now I want my suing money know please. Preferably in fifties
and hundreds,” ordered Rooster.
“Hmmm hhhmmm,” mused Law Cat, “Well, though
I am happy to take your money, I don’t see any case here. And if you were to accuse
someone falsely then any ‘suing money’ as you call it… it would go to them.”
“That’s stupid,” screamed Rooster, “And
you’re stupid. The Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort Freelton was right. Cat’s are
stupid.”
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| Fernbrook Resort Freelton's Lord Mayor 'Doc Ballard' |
“Hmmm hhhmmm,” mused Law Cat, “I think
what we have here is a case of a guilty conscience. You have been harassing and
bullying a Neighbour whose Undesirability quotient is being brought into disrepute.
And now you are trying to use me to harass them further.”
“You’re stupid,” said Rooster.
“Yes, Yes, quite,” mused Monsieur Law
Cat. “I think SOME Fernbrook residents see themselves in these blog posts and,
those residents, instead of pleaing a mea culpa, get angry. And indignant. As
an example, the person who loudly complains of being falsely accused of not
cleaning up after their pet, even though they have not been formerly accused and
no one has even complained, is showing that they’re feeling guilty about
something.”
“That’s just stupid.”
“And people who promise to help others as
repayment for numerous gifts but continually renege on that promise, instead of
making good, might claim to others that they have helped. And that a certain Undesirable
Neighbour is extremely ungrateful. Though it is the opposite of reality. And
truth. Because they have been taking advantage of someone but claim the
opposite is true.”
“That’s even more stupider.”
“Or if someone takes things and promises
to pay but never does then those people might feel embarrassed and so claim
that they are being wronged when the subject is broached. And so accuse the
accuser of being rude to them. To direct attention from the facts and away from
themselves.”
“That’s even more stupid than more stupider,”
crowed Rooster angrily. “I’m leaving.”
Rooster than got up to depart. But kept
banging into the wall.
“That’s a wall,” mused Law Cat, “You
have to use the door to exit the room. Over there,” he pointed with his paw. “It
has a round knob projecting from it.” Then, after a long pause, “You have to
turn it. Turn the knob. Have you never used a door before?”
“Shut up stupid,” the Great and Powerful
Rooster mumbled tearfully to himself.
Maybe that last part about the door was
embellishment. Roosters prefer windows. OPEN windows. Don’t want to get sued.
But the Fernbrook Resort Freelton Chicken
War is under way.
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| It looks like its just about that time... |
