After months of threats it came as no surprise when France announced earlier today that they would be banning ultra-thin female models.
Said French President François Hollande, "My wife complained that those skinny models were making her look fat. And so I told her trust me, I don’t think it’s the models that are making you look fat. Three hours later I woke up in the hospital with a big bump on my head and I knew what I had to do."
In a related bit of news, Doc Ballard, the Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort announced to the world that the fashion-challenged nation would be opening their fridge doors to the malnourished waifs evicted from France.
Proclaimed the Lord Mayor "They are all welcome to stay at my place. They’re so skinny that they won’t take up much room. I can just stack them like cordwood if it gets too crowded. Do you know if they like poutine?"
When asked what he thought about France’s decision Doc Ballard replied, "I don’t think they should stop there… I think France should kick out all the other attractive people that live there as well. I mean what’s another half dozen people or so? I’ve got a garage."
But the tiny canine ruled nation doesn’t plan to stop there. The Attorney General of Fernbrook Resort made it official when he confirmed, "But we’re not just stopping there… Fernbrook Resort will accept all types of female models. Bikini models. High fashion models. Victoria’s Secret models. We do not discriminate. And we don’t care where they come from, Italy. Spain. Mongolia. Any nation. Except for Millgrove. Screw you Millgrove, we’re coming for you!"
To show their welcome the nation is erecting a Statue of Liberty bearing the following poem by Emma Lazarus:
"Bring us your svelte, your lissome,
Your skinny yearning to be ultra-thin,
The wretched bony of your teeming shore.
Send these, the lithe, the lean, to Fernbrook Resort:
We lift our lamps and open our refrigerator doors."
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