OscarÒ nominated actress Mila Kunis has been publicly accused of stealing a pet chicken (named Doggie) from childhood friend Kristina KaroÓ. Karo claims that this heinous deed happened when the pair were seven year old best friends. And that 25 years later the accumulated emotional trauma is worth exactly $5,000 to her. Ms. Kunis has vehemently denied the theft. And on TMZ she decided to elaborate on the true nature of the incident.
"I didn’t steal no chicken… " an emotionally distraught Mila Kunis announced to a bemused world, "I rescued him!"
Then, after a brief pause Kunis added, "The chicken in question, Doggie, came to me and said that Kristina had been torturing him. Forcing him to listen to her sing and watch her dance… and that… and that he just couldn’t take it any more… that he was going to donate his wings, drumsticks and white meat to the Colonel Sanders Institue for Culinary Research," she said with tears glistening in her eyes.
"I hated seeing Doggie discouraged like this… normally he was so cluckin’ happy… so I hatched a plan. Using my Etch-a-SketchÔ I drew Doggie a passport and an exit visa. Next I counterfeited him some money out of Play-dohÔ . Then I put him on my tricycle and sped to the airport where I smuggled him onto a plane headed for the great nation of Fernbrook Resort. A place where chickens roam without fear of reprisals… and without any fear of being sung to by a… a demented…" Kunis trailed off.
But that wasn’t all, Ms Kunis said that this one act of mercy was a defining moment in her life.
"Under the guise of an actress," she said, "ever since I have been roaming the world rescuing chickens, geese, ducks… even some Cornish Game Hens… and sending them to Fernbrook Resort… creating a United Nations of Fowl."
When asked if she considered herself to be the Oskar Schindler or Raoul Wallenberg of the chicken world she replied, "Say what… ?"
Ms. Kunis also commented on her plans to fight the absurd claim.
"Doggie, who now operates a Dry Cleaning business in Fernbrook Resort, has been in touch with me. He’s offered his support and has also agreed to testify on my behalf should the case go to trial." She smiled with relief.
Kunis finished the interview stating: "I think the world needs more Doggies," before breaking into a fresh round of tears.
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