Bridge Closure Snarls Traffic, Divides Nation of Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Bridge Closure Snarls Traffic, Divides Nation of Fernbrook Resort Freelton



The Bridge of St. Popsicle Peter 



St. Popsicle Peter and an eerie prophecy
that saved the nation from a disaster? 



But I really really liked that bridge
said a distraught Neville Chamberpot



Citizens of the golf cart driving nation of Fernbrook Resort were chagrined to learn that the nation’s most important bridge, The Bridge of St. Popsicle Peter (named after the Patron Saint of icy summer treats), was to be closed after an interior designer, a kid with a runny nose and a portly feline named Mr. Buttons deemed the span to be structurally unsound.



The dapper Mr. Buttons



When asked what the exact problem with the bridge was everyone deferred to Mr. Buttons who responded that, “the colour of the railings clashed with the yellow lane dividers adversely affecting the structure’s esthetic sensibilities.”

Locals were in a somber mood as the bridge is the main route between the nation’s capital, Clubhouse City, and the rest of the nation. Meaning a three minute detour will now be necessary to reach the capital.

“Who the hell builds a bridge out of popsicle sticks,” yelled an exasperated William Playwell, “Hey you bunch of Einsteins, here’s an idea, spend the extra $19.95 and spring for a set of Lego. It’s worth the money.”  

An upset
Ms. Reynoldswrap

Criticized Rhonda Reynoldswrap, “I know they want to save money… but using blind kids to build a bridge out of used popsicle sticks… what’s next? A popsicle stick nuclear waste storage facility?”

John Lenin: was told to shut his hole

“When the government announced that the bridge had been designed and was to be built by Ms. Hangnail’s first grade class at the Fernbrook School for the Blind… I voiced my concerns,” said John Lenin, “But I was called a commie and told to shut my hole.”

Doc Ballard - plans for a nuclear storage dump?

The Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort His Worship the Right Honorable Doc Ballard said, “I really like that idea for a nuclear storage waste facility but there’s no way that we’re springing for expensive popsicle sticks when an inexpensive hole or fast running stream can handle the same job at a fraction of the cost.”

There is no date set for the repair and reopening of the bridge as popsicle sticks are always in short supply during the winter months.

A candid shot of Mrs. Cherry Fudgsicle working
 on some raw material for the bridge's restoration

The good news however is that a pledge drive is being set up and those with popsicle sticks to contribute can mail them to the attention of Mrs. Cherry Fudgsicle at the Bureau of Bridge Building and Frozen Foods located in Clubhouse City, Fernbrook Resort.