Fernbrook Resort Freelton Cancels Spring – Blames Canadian Government & Justin Bieber for Climate Change

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Cancels Spring – Blames Canadian Government & Justin Bieber for Climate Change

In an unprecedented move the nation of Fernbrook Resort announced that Spring (the season) is being cancelled. And that Winter (a different season) would be prolonged for the foreseeable future.

Asked the Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort, "Do you know why we had to do this [cancel Spring]? Justin Bieber! The Canadian Government forced him to apologize for his embarrassing bad girl antics. And it was that apology for bad haircuts, questionable body art and for trying to pass off his off-key caterwauling as a music career, that caused Hell to freeze over. Completely. Which had an adverse affect on weather patterns over Greater Metropolitan Fernbrook."

The announcement caught the tiny dog-ruled nation’s population by surprise. But which was the bigger shock, that someone actually thought Justin Bieber could sing or that the weather was under government influence, was hard to tell.

Continued the flea-bitten Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort, Doc Ballard, "Fact… you ever turn on the television or the radio and hear them talking about tomorrow’s weather? Or the weather for the day after that? How can anyone possibly predict future weather unless they already knew exactly what was going to happen. And that’s where the Government comes in. They’re telling those radio and TV shills what to say because they’re controlling the weather. That’s how they know about tomorrow’s temperature and pollen counts and and…" he trailed off.

When a reporter quizzed the Lord Mayor on climate change specifics, the mayor responded, "You want to talk about a changing climate? Last Thursday at 9 Central Time 8 Mountain I watched a Global TV two hour documentary on Shark-alanches. And the week prior to that it was Shark-nadoes. Now I’ve read the Bible five times and sure, it may have rained frogs a few times, but nowhere in the Bible does it mention Shark related weather events. How’s that for climate change? Curse you Stephen Harper!" he shouted and shook a tiny balled paw in the air.

When asked what reason there was for the Canadian Government to cause inclement weather the Lord Mayor replied, "to boost television ratings of weather related entertainment programming, to increase consumption of home heating fuels and to help a flagging insurance industry whose premiums have fallen in a less than robust economy."

Asked that if Justin Bieber were to recant his apology, if that might fix the weather, the Lord Mayor smiled sadly and said knowingly "Do you want Summer to get cancelled as well?"