Fernbrook Resort Freelton Ontario – A nation with too many seasons?

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Ontario – A nation with too many seasons?

Just like many other countries, Zimbabwe, Myanmar and Belize are but a few examples, the tiny nation of Fernbrook Resort nestled high atop the Escarpment on the shores of old Lake Mohawk did not start out with the name it now bares… err bears.

No.

Originally the area and surrounding swampland was christened with a lovely name: Four Seasons. But after many decades with this proud name a dispute broke out between the newly purchasing governors of the land and its citizenry.

The citizens were quite fine with the name but the bureaucrats who purchased the nation insisted that the name must be changed. Truthfully the name did not need changing but the faceless paperpushers who rule always insist on leaving their numerous and needless indelible marks on history because it’s the only way that history will remember them, their names having been forgotten long before they breathed their last breathe.

And what was the official bureaucratic excuse for the needless name change?

That the nation state of Four Seasons had too many seasons. Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. Autumn. Strawberry Spring. Indian Summer. Construction. Marvin Gaye. And Paprika. ‘Which is much more than four,’ they said after checking their calculators, ‘it’s ummm…. Eight. Or thereabouts. We’ll mail you a bill when we figure it out for certain. But in the meantime the name must be changed’. ‘Also,’ they added snottily, ‘Paprika isn’t even a season. It’s a seasoning. And though it is delicious when added to certain dishes it’s still not a season.’

As a result, after much hemming and hawing, the nation of the Four Seasons had its name changed to Fernbrook. A combination of the local flora common to much of the area, the Fern, and Brook in honour of the streams of water that crisscross the nation.

Which is convenient.

The streams of water I mean. Because half of the local population live in homes that do not actually have running water. Oh, the homes have pipes and plumbing and all manner of related paraphernalia but the flow of water is strictly regulated by accountants. Ask them for water and they’ll respond: ‘Water? Do you think that water just falls from the sky? Because when it does then we’ll give you water. But until then we can only bill you for the water that you might have used should we have decided to make it available to you. Oh and we’re raising your rent.’

Fortunately in the nation of Fernbrook Resort there is many a convenient brook that is great for obtaining potable water, for afternoon bathing and for general midnight frolicking. When the ice covered surface melts that is. But then when you have all that ice do you really need water? Maybe it’s a good thing that water doesn’t fall from the sky. Or that penny pinching accountants don’t give us water. Lest our proud nation be flooded.