Indians, Aliens & Crap Circles of Fernbrook Resort Freelton Ontario - Episode 4

Indians, Aliens & Crap Circles of Fernbrook Resort Freelton Ontario

Some say the first inhabitants of greater metropolitan Freelton and the surrounding lands were Indians.

But others say that you can’t say the word Indian when referring to North America’s earliest residents because it’s politically incorrect. And anyone who is politically incorrect is a racist. So if you can’t say Indian what can you call those people who can’t be referred to as Indians? I don’t have a clue. So they’re not getting credit for founding Fernbrook Resort. Screw you Indians err… I mean nameless ones. But it’s your own fault you’re getting written out of the history of Fernbrook Resort.

Other says it was religious refugees that founded Fernbrook Resort. That persecuted people fled their homes and made a perilous journey down dangerous Highway 6 in order that they may worship their choice of black flies, poison ivy and potholes in peace and serenity, without being harassed by the government. But trust me on this... you don’t have to emigrate to Fernbrook Resort to get a high worshipping potholes. Pretty much any street in any Canadian city will suffice.

Some loudly argue that the original founders of the Fernbrook nation were a combination of wayward indentured servants and escaped slaves. But would such people choose to live among black flies, poison ivy and potholes? Even if it provided peace and security? Because I’ve talked to several escaped slaves and the first thing they do after escaping is book a room at the Radisson in Toronto and check out the local bar scene.

Which brings us to Aliens. And while there have been many many crap and feces sightings right across this great nation, these sightings have never been in circular form. This complete absence of crap circles when combined with an utter paucity of UFO sightings should disabuse those with notions of alien involvement in the founding of Fernbrook Resort. Though that doesn’t mean that they don’t visit every now and again for the Spring Feces Flinging Festival.

So what’s left?

The idea that the greater Fernbrook area was settled by Gallus domesticus. The common chicken. Others say that several chickens (and at least one rooster) did indeed arrive but only after the initial pioneers had already well established themselves in the area. Appearing later and hiding themselves among the population so as not to be noticed. But whether or not Fernbrook Resort was founded by chickens… there are some here. And with the waning of the winter snows they’re back to entering the outbuildings of others and rifling through others’ personal property. I guess they like to wait until the snow’s melted so that their distinctive three toed tracks can’t be discerned. Which just leaves us with their actions as proof of their presence.