Steven Spielberg announces ‘The Chronicles of Rooster’ at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Steven Spielberg announces ‘The Chronicles of Rooster’ at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Monster Deal Concluded at Fernbrook Resort

It’s official! This week Dreamworks SKG concluded a deal with Stephen King to produce ‘the Chronicles of Rooster’ a series based on the main character of King’s best selling and critically acclaimed story The Coop of Gallus Domesticus ( http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2015/06/fernbrook-resort-freelton-book-review.html )

Negotiations have been ongoing for months (http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2015/07/steven-spielberg-dreamworks-skg-to.html )

Stephen King poses with
pet cat Glenn 

Said Stephen King, “My pet cat dislikes chickens of all breeds. And wanting to please my pussy I would have given the rights of this story away for free… but when Mr. Spielberg offered me twelve million plus six percent of the gross and a share in any spinoffs or merchandise, well, that sounded good to me too. So I went with it.”

Mr. Spielberg confirmed the deal on behalf of Dreamworks SKG.

“My cat also has a strong dislike for roosters. And when Stephen said his cat said the same thing to him I knew that this was a guy I could work with.”

On the surface ‘The Chronicles of Rooster’ is the story of a craven cock that constantly disturbs the once peaceful nation of Fernbrook Resor. But underneath that feather-covered exterior beats the heart of a cowardly chicken whose ego only gets boosted by skulking around and doing dirty deeds behind backs. While constantly sticking his beak up the backsides of those very same people… fooling them into thinking that he’s harmless and innocent. While he laughs at them behind their back.



Spielberg with his pet cat Ed 



“Best of all,” said Steven Spielberg, “I can finally use the word cock without getting censored by the censors. Usually I have to bleep words like that to get that family friendly rating which increases viewership. But since cock is a perfectly acceptable synonym for Rooster I can say it as much as I want and there ain’t a darn thing that the censors can do. Screw you censors!”

But that wasn’t all Mr. Spielberg had to say.

“Every time I see Rooster I just want to shout ‘You stupid cock, why don’t you quit being such a chicken and be man’,” he laughed, “but I doubt that will ever happen. Once a chicken always a chicken… ha ha… ha ha ha ha ha…” he giggled, “Silly Cock, tricks are for kids!”

Doc Ballard, Lord Mayor of the Grand Nation of  Fernbrook Resort

The Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort approved the deal stating that it added almost eighteen dollars to the state's treasury and that he loves the smell of money in the morning.   



War Against the Chickens (and other Horrible Boobs?) at Fernbook Resort Freelton?

War Against the Chickens (and other Horrible Boobs?) at Fernbook Resort Freelton?

Doc Ballard, Lord Mayor Of Fernbrook Resort:
"I officially declare this war open for business!"

Karson Krausewitz communicated as his defense:

“OHH REALLY. HMMM, how come if go look back at my comments and see that you have edited them to the nines. LIKE I SAID, GET A LIFE AND A JOB. Get out of your chair and off your computer. Ohh and also,”

Which is just a lie.

Which is not disturbing.

As one would expect nothing better from a disgraced gallus domesticus.

What is disturbing though is the fact that Krausewitz blatantly puts a lie in writing and then when caught red feathered, lies about lying.

That is disturbed.



Nostradamus working on his Quatrains



And when coupled with last night, August 28^th, which saw another petty act of senseless vandalism in the once proud nation of Fernbrook Resort…. There can be only one result - the Human Chicken War http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2014/08/human-chicken-war-looming-at-fernbrook.html and http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2015/06/human-chicken-war-looming-at-fernbrook.html , a war predicted by Nostradamus himself (and various other prophets) is now upon the nation of Fernbrook Resort as of this date, August 29, in the year of Our Lord 2015.



It is believed that the Rooster led chicken faction, for the most part, has shot their load. And so Rooster is glaringly impotent. A fact he carefully hides.



Fernbrook Resort Battle Chicken

 

Rooster: Praying to its god for
the miracle of potency



While the other side of the fight has yet to fire a shot. And so are heavily armed.



So this will not be a war of attrition.

Or a war of taking prisoners and seizing plunder.

This is a war of scorch and burn. It defeated Napoleon. It defeated the Nazis. And, just perhaps, it will defeat a bunch of chickens, horrible boobs and a disgraced Belgian Diplomat.

Let the Festivities begin.

Even Fernbrook Resort Chicks are preparing to do battle

Another Karson Krausewitz Kommunique on the Secrets of Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Another Karson Krausewitz Kommunique on the Secrets of Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Well, we’ve been remiss in checking our e-mail.

And we promise to be more diligent in the future in respect of this.

And what did we find when we checked our e-mail? An incredibly insightful missive from everyone’s favorite tarred and feathered Belgian Diplomat Karson Krausewitz. And what awesome advice did the benighted Karson Krausewitz have for us?

“Stop your childish blogs and get a LIFE, get a JOB.Get out of your HOUSE. and do something productive. Instead of sitting on your ASS and writing these stupid story's that don't even happen. Maybe if”

Again, completely unedited.

But isn’t that great? He cares so much that he’s provided some thoughtful suggestions on how we might better improve ourselves.

1)      Stop your childish blogs

We’re not certain where this comes from.  Perhaps Karson would be kind enough to provide some more info in this respect.

2) Get a life.

Well, we have a life (although we don’t know for hjow much longer we will have one). But if we didn’t have a life however would we be able to document the strange goings on in the nation of Fernbrook Resort.

3) Get a job.

Well, we are gainfully employed. Wow, Karson really seems to be striking out here.

4) Get out of your house.

We’re always out of the house. Participating in the cat whacking festival as well as many other festivities that the great nation of Fernbrook Resort has to offer. Though we have avoided the always popular feces throwing fun.

5) Get off your ass.

We don’t own an ass. Or a mule. Or any other beast of burden.

6) Stop writing stupid stories that don’t happen.

The feces throwing by neighbours. The thefts. The vandalism. All happened. And there’s still more we haven’t yet discussed.

But after much thought, Karson Krausewitz is korrect. Our time would be better spent doing other things. So we promise to never ever ever write about Fernbrook Resort again.

Good bye everyone.

Wait a sec…

…what if that’s exactly what that diabolical genius that is that krazy Karson Krausewitz wants? No more stories about the daily life at the world’s most trailer infested nation.

Huh.

That double psychology just about fooled us.

Way to go Karson Krausewitz. But we’re on to you. And we promise. More and better stories about the grand nation of Fernbrook Resort as events transpire.

Hold on to your hats folks because the fun’s about to hit the fan.

Belgian Diplomat Karson Krausewitz Savages Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Belgian diplomat Karson Krausewitz

The recently exiled Belgian Diplomatic Attache for Breakfast Foods, Karson Krausewitz, sent a series of scathing communiqués concerning Fernbrook Resort.

An Access to Information request to the Fernbrook government gained their release. Krausewitz, if you will remember, was tarred and feathered prior to being exiled from the nation of Fernbrook Resort.

　

Following is what Krausewitz had to say in an eight minute span on August 4^th :

　

Tue, Aug 4, 2015 at 11:08 PM :

Oh yea. It will sure be funny when you have a punchline. In your teeth... FUCKER!.

　

Tue, Aug 4, 2015 at 11:16 PM :

You are fucked!

　

Tue, Aug 4, 2015 at 11:16 PM :

Get a life.

　

Tue, Aug 4, 2015 at 11:18 PM :

Also my comment is majorly edited. You dumb dickcheese!!.

　

Nothing to take offense too… except that last comment. As can be seen below, Mr. Krausewitz’s comment was not edited in the least but presented exactly as he wrote it.

　

　

And let this be a lesson to all you kids at home, if you’re going to lie don’t do it in writing. People are never as dumb as you think they are.

PS – I met Dick Cheese once… and he’s no dummy.

Oprah Winfrey, The ‘L’ Word and Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Oprah Winfrey, The ‘L’ Word and Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Oprah Winfrey meets and greets some Fernbrook Resort fans!

Oprah Winfrey visited the grand nation of Fernbrook Resort this week with the mission of introducing the once reclusive nation to the world. During her stay Ms. Winfrey interviewed many of Fernbrook Resort’s famous and powerful including the Right Honourable Fredex Purolator, Earl of UPS and also the little nation’s Minister of Free Speech and Expedited Parcels.

"Our nation believes in utterly complete and free speech," crowed Purolator. "You can say what you want whenever you want to with no repercussions."

"So you have no problem with… let’s say profanity?" asked Winfrey.

"Oh, well of course not. In fact we encourage our citizens not only to swear but to do so at the tops of their lungs. Whenever the mood strikes them. Or just when they want to prove how tough they are. You know us chickens… we much prefer loud tough talk tossed from a than to getting our precious feathers ruffled."

"But what if children are present?"

"So much the better," replied Purolator. "Do you want young children learning to cuss from television? The internet? Or on the street? No! You want them to learn from mature adults. Who hide behind fences. Or inside of houses. Or some other safe place where they can act their toughness without actually having to proof that they’re tough."

Ohhhhh…..kayyyyyy," said Winfrey, "and how about name calling?"

"Exact same thing as swearing loudly and needlessly. Just do it!"

Fernbrook Resort’s Fredex Purolator, Earl of UPS
and Minister of Free Speech and Expedited Parcels gets upset

"So," said Winfrey," what if you wanted to call someone a…." and here she pulled out a list and scanned it before making a selection, "what if you wanted to call someone a… a… a… a ‘Lurch’."

"NO!" screamed Fredex Purolator suddenly, "NO! YOU NEVER CALL SOMEONE A LURCH!"

"But you just said – "

"NO!" screamed Purolator a second time. "I hate being called a Lurch. I hate it. Don’t ever say that word. It’s mean and it’s hurtful and it can hurt people’s feelings." The Minister sniffled with tears in his eyes. "Names like that can really hurt…"

"But…"

Fredex Purolator,
after getting his panties in a knot, disrobes and lurchs away 

"NO. That’s it. STOP!" Fredex Purolator said with tears in his eyes. "Never use the ‘L’ word. NEVER! I hate it! I hate being called Lurch. It’s the one thing I hate! Don’t ever say that around me. EVER! And don’t ever refer to me as a horrible boob either. Or my friends. Because that might hurt their feelings too!"

"But in all truth you do move and resemble a Lurch."

"That’s it… This interview is over…" and as the Minister started crying even harder he jumped up from his chair, ripped off all of his clothes and lurched from the interview like a five year old child screaming "Don’t call me Lurch, don’t say the word lurch…Don’t don’t don’t…"

The Most Horrible Pair of Boobs in Fernbrook Resort Freelton Did Get More Horrible!

The Most Horrible Pair of Boobs in Fernbrook Resort Freelton Did Get More Horrible!

Do you remember such frightening Fernbrook tales as "The Most Horrible Pair of Boobs in Fernbrook Resort Freelton?" (http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2015/06/the-most-horrible-pair-of-boobs-in.html) and "Did The Most Horrible Pair of Boobs in Fernbrook Resort Freelton Just Get A Little More Horrible?" (http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2015/07/did-most-horrible-pair-of-boobs-in.html) where questions were posed regarding horrible boobs?

Well the answer just became clear and that answer is YES! Horrible boobs can get more horrible.

What happened?

Well that once Potential Horrible Boob Job has lived up to it’s potential and committed to the surgery, officially becoming a third mammary gland.

Charlene Chiclet's reaction to the horrible boobs at Fernbrook Resort

What happened again?

Lurch -
Fernbrook Resort's newest horrible boiob

Well, instead of hiding behind a fence or casting names at a distance this time the former Potential Horrible Boob Job now known as (Lurch in order that it might be differentiated from the original two horrible boobs) cowered inside a coop and loudly threw out a couple of names. Before it rushed out of the coop and proudly lurched down and then back up the street... congratulating itself on both its bravery and its intelligence I guess. Not many chickens can throw out words that have two syllables [(see: "Abnormal Behaviors in Domesticated Fowl by Hamilton Hickman"  [(http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2014/08/abnormal-behaviors-in-domesticated-fowl.html)].



I would say that this is about to turn ugly – but clearly when you’re dealing with the nation’s most tasteless tits it’s much too late for that.
Let the games begin.

Fernbrook Resort Freelton in Waffle Spat with Belgium

Fernbrook Resort Freelton in Waffle Spat with Belgium



An irate Karson Krausewitz

His Worship Doc Ballard,
Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resoprt Freelton

The Exalted Nation of Fernbrook Resort rightly became the center of the breakfast world with its invention of the round waffle, an engineering feat which reduced breakfast food related tragedies by over two percent in the nation.

Hector Eggo, president of Fernbrook Resort’s
Agency for Breakfast Food Safety

Repeated Hector Eggo, newly crowned president of Fernbrook Resort’s Agency for Breakfast Food Safety: "…we invented a new waffle, one without any sharp corners. A waffle that was completely round. We called it the round waffle. Because it’s round."

Later to be renamed the ‘safety waffle’ it took the breakfast food world by storm. Earning the tiny nation hundreds of dollars in revenues.

Belgian version of the
Fernbrook Resort Safety Waffle

But all that seems ready to change with today’s announcement by the Belgian Minister of Waffle Affairs Chet Puddingmix. Said Puddingmix, "Today Belgium is issuing a newer and much safer version of the waffle…one slathered with real whipped cream… and padded with your choice of five different fruits for additional safety."

Cried Hector Eggo on hearing the news, "What the… Safer my ass! That’s nothing but a death waffle. What if a person has trouble digesting milk products? How are they supposed to stomach real whipped cream? Did they ever think of that? Those lactose tolerant bastards! And don’t even get me started on the inherent dangers of fresh fruits…"

Karson Krausewitz being
escorted from Fernbrook Resort

To get even with Belgium the Lord Mayor expelled Karson Krausewitz (Belgium’s Diplomatic Attache for Breakfast Foods) from the canine ruled nation for breakfast related espionage.

Screamed Krausewitz repeatedly as he was being tarred and feathered, "Like do you think this is fucking funny or something. Well its not!!."

Laughed His Worship Doc Ballard, "Oh yeah, it’s funny all right. And you’re the punchline! You are hereby expelled from the Grand Nation that is Fernbrook Resort. Begone."

Belgian Prime Minister Charles Michel

When the Belgian Prime Minister Charles Michel was informed of the slight he replied with surprise, "What the hell is a Fernbrook Resort?"

"That’s exactly the reply I would expect from a nation of cough syrup drinkers," yipped Doc Ballard excitedly in response, "Here’s an idea, lay off the Robitussin and come up with your own inventions instead of stealing other peoples!"

Retorted Michel, "You just made my list Fernbrook Resort, right after Brazzaville. And Liechtenstein. Screw you Liechtenstein, we’re coming for you."

The Fernbrook Resort round waffle (popularly known as the safety waffle due to it's lack of sharp corners) has become the center of a diplomatic dispute between Fernbrook Resort and the cough syrup drinking natiion of Belgium.