Fernbrook Resort Freelton Promises Daily Deposits of Dog Shit to all Residents, Guests & Visitors

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Promises Daily Deposits of Dog Shit to all Residents, Guests & Visitors



A recent Fernbrook Resort Freelton visitor
posted this photo of their faeces encrusted footwear
to Facebook after a brief walk around
the shit covered nation.
  

“Even though large tracts of this planet and many old and famous Nations have fallen or may fall into the grip of the anti-dog shit tossing Gestapo and all the odious apparatus of Civil Behaviour, Fernbrook Resort Freelton shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. Daily we shall continue to deposit dog shit on neighboring doorsteps, we shall toss dog shit onto the lawns and into the gardens, and we shall do so with growing confidence and growing strength. And we shall always defend our right to throw dog shit, whatever the cost may be. For ever we shall continue to throw dog shit on the sidewalks, toss dog shit in the parks, we shall toss dog shit in the fields and in the streets, we shall cover the hills with dog shit; we shall never forgo the tossing of dog shit, and if, which I do not for a moment believe, Fernbrook Resort Freelton or a large part of it were subjugated and shitless, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed with dog turds, would carry on the struggle, until, in God's good time, the World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of our right to daily toss dog shit towards the residents of Fernbrook Resort Freelton, towards the guests of Fernbrook Resort Freelton and towards those who would visit Fernbrook Resort Freelton”

The Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort Freelton Doc Ballard

Rustic Fernbrook Resort Freelton
residents collect dog shit in the
most humane of fashions.
visitors and neighbors.

Those were the defiant words barked by the Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort Freelton His Worship the Right Honourable Duke of Purina Doc Ballard in a prepared statement to a gathering of the world press early this morning.



Some Fernbrook Resort residents
decorate dog shit with marshmallows
and hand them out to kids as treats.



Immediately after finishing the statement the Lord Mayor, refusing all questions, stepped down from the podium, sniffed at someone’s shoe then chased a squirrel up a tree.

World Leaders were stunned not only by the fact that residents of Fernbrook Resort Freelton engage in the appalling behaviour of tossing of dog shit at every resident, visitor and guest but by the government’s staunch support of the bizarre and mentally questionable behaviour.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross checks her garden
for deposits of Fernbrook Resort dog faeces.

Famed psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross was dug up and she stated that, “those who toss dog feces are mental aberrants who are too chicken to face their foes, foes being those they envy and of whom they are jealous. These types of bug-eyed nuts are insecure and cowardly individuals who are impotent and the aroma of dog shit brings about an arousal that helps them to perform sexually. Without the aroma of dog shit on their hands they are forced to spend their time with their spouse, braiding each other’s hair while they  diss reality television show stars.”

Curtis Shite prepares gourmet dog
shit for flinging at the finest of
Fernbrook Resort's properties.

When asked if she should be referring to a mental aberrant as a nut Kubler-Ross replied, “I grew up in the time before the inanity of political correctness… if someone is a mental aberrant and a nut that’s what you call them. Fancy words don’t change the facts.”

One resident of Fernbrook Resort Freelton responded to Dr Kubler-Ross’ comments by asking for her mailing address and promising to send her a package that she would not soon forget.