Chicken War at Fernbrook Resort Freelton Sees a Return of Tommyknocking Tactics

Chicken War at Fernbrook Resort Freelton Sees a Return of Tommyknocking Tactics

The long running Chicken War at Fernbrook Resort appears to have entered a new phase. During the last week to ten days the chickens seem to have abandoned the tactic of faeces flinging and have graduated to setting new benchmarks in petty vandalism and tommyknocking. Tommyknocking of course being those phantom window raps that occur only in the early morning hours and always under the cover of darkness.

The reason for the switch in tactics may be due to the fact  that the United Nations recently added faeces to the banned weapons list of the Geneva Convention. And the chickens of Fernbrook Resort Freelton appear to be abiding by this decision. At least for the time being.

On another note, a recent study has shown that those Fernbrook Resort Freelton citizens who have suffered from the terrorist and bullying tactics of faeces flinging, theft, vandalism, tommyknocking etc. etc. all seem to be anti chicken in nature. While not one chicken has ever complained about any of these threats. Nope. Chickens only complain about trumped up charges usually relating to noise issues, unkempt residences and other imaginary property and personal complaints.

Indicating that there is a direct correlation between being a chicken and participating in childish and/or immature behavior.

As well, it has been rumoured that the chickens are preparing a petition asking that those Fernbrook Resort Freelton citizens who don’t enjoy finding faeces on their property, having their property stolen or vandalized, being ostracized or gossiped about etc. etc. have their citizenship in this grand nation revoked.

And I for one welcome this initiative.

The last thing my family or I want are people who don’t enjoy finding faeces on their property on a daily basis, having their property stolen or vandalized or who don’t enjoy being ostracized or gossiped about. Nor do we want those who maintain their properties or try to act in a quasi acceptable adult manner. We need to kick these hopefully responsible types out of Fernbrook Resort Freelton once and for all. And I for one would take great pleasure in being the first to sign such a petition and do my part, albeit however small, in lowering the bar of common decency in this grand nation dominated by a large number of crayon munching glue sniffers.    

Of course I won’t be signing any petition until my legal team has read it. A poorly worded and/or misguided petition opens both its authors and all signatories to a costly civil action. And I don’t want to lose the $85.10 cents in my bank account. Or that bag hidden under my mattress. That one filled with five hundred and ten US pennies that serves as my retirement fund.

Ur ur ur ur ur ur ur ur ur urrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Ask not for who the cock crows it crows for thee.