Ghostly Phone Calls of Unknown Origin Rattle Fernbrook Resort Residents
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| Are the ghosts of chickens past infesting Fernbrook Resort Freelton's lines of communication? |
“The calls are eerie,” said Nelly Nervousbladder,
“I pick up the phone, I say hello, but no one replies. Again and again this happens.”
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| Never purchase offbrand adult diapers! |
“Three times a week my phone rings in the early morning
hours, two or three rings, then just stops,” said Arvin Awakenedearly.
“No person would do this,” said a shaken
Shelby Soiledpants, “it has to be a ghost. A G… G… G… GHOST!” he said as he
emptied his bladder into his adult strength diapers.
In fact the problem has gotten so severe
of late that Fernbrook Resort Freelton residents pooled their money and called
Ghostbusters.
Unfortunately for them the Ghostbusters
never returned their call. That’s because Ghostbusters is actually a team of
fictional characters. And not a trio of real live specter fighting superheroes
as Fernbrook Resort residents had been led to believe by the movie of the same
name.
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| Wait a sec... I thought Ghostbusters weren't real? |
So, with no where else to turn, they called
the matron of telephone lines one Ma Bell.
“I think you have an infestation of
chickens,” Ma Bell said when asked about the causative factor behind of the
calls.”
“Ghost chickens?” asked Elizabeth Einstein
nervously.
“Yeah, that‘s right,” agreed Ma Bell
sarcastically, “the ghosts of chickens past are haunting Fernbrook Resort
Freelton’s phone lines and phoning people at 3:15 in the afternoon and hanging
up. And calling in the early AM hours. No Einstein, its chickens.”
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| Fernbrook Resort most intellectually respected couple - the Einsteins. |
“But chickens don’t have an opposable
thumb. Or an index finger. So there’s no way that a chicken could even hold a
phone… let alone dial a phone.” Said Elsinore Einstein, Elizabeth’s brother and
husband. “So you’re wrong there.”
“Listen you bunch of Einsteins,” shouted
Ma Bell, “It’s people. People are calling and hanging up. Not real chickens.”
“But you just said it was chickens,”
said a confused Illana Illogical.
“Oh, for the love of all that is good
and holy.” Screamed an exasperated Ma Bell, “Its people. Scared little people who
act with the brains and courage of a chicken. When a person acts like a chicken
than you refer to them as chickens. Though in this case I think I’m insulting
chickens by saying Fernbrook Resort Freelton residents are as smart… or as
brave… as a chicken. So maybe it is people. Real live people. NOT GHOSTS!”
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| A ghost chicken pecking around for a quarter to make a call? |
“Ouch,” said Illana Illogical as she
scratched her head. “I better take some medicine. People aren’t supposed to use
logic around me. My doctor said so. That’s what makes my head hurt.”
“Logic gives me a rash,” chimed in Ralph
Redskin. “My doctor gave me a placebo and soon I’ll be all better. Hey, after
we take our medicine do you want to go play in traffic?”
“But when you called us Einsteins I thought
that meant that we were right. Because Einstein was smart. Probably as smart as
us even. He invented gravity. And the fig newton,” said Illana Illogical.
“It was Isaac Newton that invented the Fig
Newton,” said Ralph Redskin, “not Albert Einstein.”
‘‘Ouch,” said Illana Illogical as she
began scratching her head again. “I think I need more medicine.”
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| A noticeably perturbed Ma Bell puts a call block on Fernbrook Resort Freelton. |
