Pope Francis asks Chickens to end Tomfoolery at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Pope Francis asks Chickens to end Tomfoolery at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

For many centuries popes have made a point of visiting Fernbrook Resort Freelton. But the steady decline in the standards and ethics of the canine ruled nation has disappointed the newly elected Pope. So much so that His Holiness issued a heartfelt public plea to it’s citizens.

"How much corruption there is in the world! I hope you have the courage ... to clean up Freelton and to clean up Fernbrook Resort. So that there is no longer that stink of tommyrot," Pope Francis began.

Pope Francis then urged members of organized flocks of chickens to turn away from their tomfoolery as he visited one of the Resort's most violent and tomfool filled neighborhoods on Saturday.

He was speaking in the shadow of a dilapidated mobile home in an area known as Feces-Town, an area so smelly that even police are sometimes afraid to enter, residents say.

Francis also spoke out against tommyrot in an address to a crowd in the notorious MethVille neighborhood, a stronghold of clans of the Gallus domesticus, the Fernbrook Resort version of the Freelton mafia.

"How much tommyrot there is in the neighborhood of MethVille! I hope you have the courage ... to clean up… and clean up Fernbrook Resort. So that there is no longer that foul stench of tommyrot," Francis began.



He next urged the area’s residents, which has often been the battleground of Gallus domesticus clans fighting for control of the tomfoolery and dog feces flinging rackets, not to let chickens rob them of their hope.

At a Mass in the clubhouse, Francis urged all of the former nudists to "react firmly to organizations that engage in tomfoolery or that act as tomfools with their tommyknocking and other crimes".

"To the chickens and all their accomplices, I, today, humbly and as Pope, repeat: convert yourselves to love and justice. It is possible to return to honesty," he said.

He has also said members of organized flocks of chickens excommunicate themselves from the Church, and that it would welcome them back if they repent… then go stuff themselves… with seasoned bread… before repeatedly basting themselves at 185 degrees for two hours and ten minutes.

A New Low: Crime, the Corruption of Minors and the Fagin of Fernbrook Resort Freelton

A New Low: Crime, the Corruption of Minors and the Fagin of Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Well it looks like the bird brain of a Rooster has reached a new low. But is he becoming the Fagin of Fernbrook Resort?

For those of you who may not know Fagin was the receiver of stolen goods who manipulated children in the Charles Dicken’s classic Oliver Twist.

Previously our feather-brained friend had, allegedly, among other crimes, been plotting some thefts. He wanted to burgle a shed (and he still does). However brave Rooster does not want to get his feathers dirty. So he manipulates others to do the dirty work in his mickey mouse plots. Basically Rooster wants to be the puppet master – to crow for credit if the caper succeeds… and to cluck plausible deniability if his cronies are caught.

But all came to naught. Joyfully they were forced to see the light. So what’s a rooster to do?

He’s turned his attentions to manipulating the baby chicks of Fernbrook Resort. Allegedly Rooster has been coaching kids to engage in acts of petty vandalism. Targeted littering, fence-busting, that sort of thing. Which they have been successful in completing.

Allegedly as well Rooster has been encouraging the children of Fernbrook Resort to do a break and enter. He’s after electronic goods – computers and related equipment – of a neighbor. But the kids are a little reticent about this. So they seem to be targeting one more malleable and one more youthful personality. Who, apparently, has agreed to do a B&E. To enter a home and steal computer equipment.

Evan if minors don’t get sent to jail they can still get in trouble. Everyone knoahs that. No joshing. Break. Enter. Theft. It’s the holy trinity of petty crime. But you can’t name the names until after the deed is done. So…

…so we’ll just have to wait.

But for those constant readers who thought flinging fresh dog feces was as low as you could go at Fernbrook Resort well, you were wrong. Because it doesn’t get lower than manipulating a child.

The nation of Fernbrook Resort is advertised as being a home for those 50 years of age and older. And while that is not yet true… it just may soon come to be.

Cock-a-doodle-when will the tomfoolery end? 

Tommyknockers? Or More Tomfoolery? Ghostly Hauntings at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Tommyknockers? Or More Tomfoolery? Ghostly Hauntings at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

That was the claim of one startled family at once famous Fernbrook Resort in Freelton.

Apparently on March 22, 2015 a series of ghostly tappings was heard inside one of the combination crack dens/meth labs that are alleged to dot the pothole covered landscape of the tiny nation infested with blackflies and poison ivy.

Said the startled victim, "It was about 10 PM or so and I was just sitting down to do a line of coke and huff a tube of glue or two when the banging started. It only lasted for a couple of moments before it ceased."

"That’s just tommyrot," other slightly sober residents claimed upon hearing of the disturbance.

"Well, whatever it was… I was scared. And it’s a good thing I don’t wear pants because they would’ve been scared right offa me!" the trouser-less party added.

Regardless, paranormal investigators rushed to the site to investigate. And while no Tommyknockers were found their infrared equipment did pick up traces of something unusual.

Explained Ghostbuster Casper Weinberger, "true, we didn’t find anything supernatural, but what we did find is totally unexplainable. See here," he said as he picked up an image he had captured with his equipment, "this here shows what appears to be a giant male turkey with a small flock of chickens. One of the chickens would appear to be a Rhode Island Red while the other may in fact be a usually better behaved Blue Hen of Delaware. Though it’s hard to tell for sure because the image is a bit blurry."

And what is unexplainable about that?

"Well," explained fellow Ghostbuster Egon Spengler, "chickens don’t usually hang out with turkeys. Unless they’re desperate for company, they pity them or they’re up to some sort of tomfoolery."

So was it a case of a tommyknocker?

Was it just simple tomfoolery that caused the unexplained disturbance?

Or is it all just tommyrot?