Pope Francis asks Chickens to end Tomfoolery at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Pope Francis asks Chickens to end Tomfoolery at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

For many centuries popes have made a point of visiting Fernbrook Resort Freelton. But the steady decline in the standards and ethics of the canine ruled nation has disappointed the newly elected Pope. So much so that His Holiness issued a heartfelt public plea to it’s citizens.

"How much corruption there is in the world! I hope you have the courage ... to clean up Freelton and to clean up Fernbrook Resort. So that there is no longer that stink of tommyrot," Pope Francis began.

Pope Francis then urged members of organized flocks of chickens to turn away from their tomfoolery as he visited one of the Resort's most violent and tomfool filled neighborhoods on Saturday.

He was speaking in the shadow of a dilapidated mobile home in an area known as Feces-Town, an area so smelly that even police are sometimes afraid to enter, residents say.

Francis also spoke out against tommyrot in an address to a crowd in the notorious MethVille neighborhood, a stronghold of clans of the Gallus domesticus, the Fernbrook Resort version of the Freelton mafia.

"How much tommyrot there is in the neighborhood of MethVille! I hope you have the courage ... to clean up… and clean up Fernbrook Resort. So that there is no longer that foul stench of tommyrot," Francis began.



He next urged the area’s residents, which has often been the battleground of Gallus domesticus clans fighting for control of the tomfoolery and dog feces flinging rackets, not to let chickens rob them of their hope.

At a Mass in the clubhouse, Francis urged all of the former nudists to "react firmly to organizations that engage in tomfoolery or that act as tomfools with their tommyknocking and other crimes".

"To the chickens and all their accomplices, I, today, humbly and as Pope, repeat: convert yourselves to love and justice. It is possible to return to honesty," he said.

He has also said members of organized flocks of chickens excommunicate themselves from the Church, and that it would welcome them back if they repent… then go stuff themselves… with seasoned bread… before repeatedly basting themselves at 185 degrees for two hours and ten minutes.

Tommyknockers? Or More Tomfoolery? Ghostly Hauntings at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Tommyknockers? Or More Tomfoolery? Ghostly Hauntings at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

That was the claim of one startled family at once famous Fernbrook Resort in Freelton.

Apparently on March 22, 2015 a series of ghostly tappings was heard inside one of the combination crack dens/meth labs that are alleged to dot the pothole covered landscape of the tiny nation infested with blackflies and poison ivy.

Said the startled victim, "It was about 10 PM or so and I was just sitting down to do a line of coke and huff a tube of glue or two when the banging started. It only lasted for a couple of moments before it ceased."

"That’s just tommyrot," other slightly sober residents claimed upon hearing of the disturbance.

"Well, whatever it was… I was scared. And it’s a good thing I don’t wear pants because they would’ve been scared right offa me!" the trouser-less party added.

Regardless, paranormal investigators rushed to the site to investigate. And while no Tommyknockers were found their infrared equipment did pick up traces of something unusual.

Explained Ghostbuster Casper Weinberger, "true, we didn’t find anything supernatural, but what we did find is totally unexplainable. See here," he said as he picked up an image he had captured with his equipment, "this here shows what appears to be a giant male turkey with a small flock of chickens. One of the chickens would appear to be a Rhode Island Red while the other may in fact be a usually better behaved Blue Hen of Delaware. Though it’s hard to tell for sure because the image is a bit blurry."

And what is unexplainable about that?

"Well," explained fellow Ghostbuster Egon Spengler, "chickens don’t usually hang out with turkeys. Unless they’re desperate for company, they pity them or they’re up to some sort of tomfoolery."

So was it a case of a tommyknocker?

Was it just simple tomfoolery that caused the unexplained disturbance?

Or is it all just tommyrot?