Fernbrook Resort Freelton Book Review of Stephen King’s ‘The Coop of Gallus Domesticus’

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Book Review of Stephen King’s ‘The Coop of Gallus Domesticus’

Metternich poses for a portrait between plots

The antagonist of the story is a controlling Cock that manipulates and maneuvers friends and family using machinations that Prince Klemens von Metternich would envy. Always crying ‘wolf’ and ‘poor me’ when the truth of the matter is that playing the poor ole me card gives Cock the sympathy needed to exploit others – making him the actual wolf… in a rooster’s guise.

The story revolves around the Cock’s insecurities. As a neighboring animal fixes up its den, Cock’s becomes increasingly neglected and dilapidated… and this is the root of his rage. He is to proud to lower himself to the level of menial labour. Or maybe he’s unsure of how a hammer works. Either way his coop decays.

Amon Goeth preparing to go for a recreational swing

Cock is the Amon Goeth of the chicken world, always watching and thinking evil. But a Goeth that never pulls the trigger himself. Cock’s power comes not from creating anything but by destroying everything he comes in contact with and manipulating others to pull the trigger and destroy those things that Cock envies. Manipulating others to do his destruction makes him feel powerful.

Cock works to drive the neighbor away. By spreading calumnies. By harassment. By vandalism. By petty thefts. And all through this his mate covers for him… complaining that it is not Cock that is the problem but the horrible neighbor that they are forced to suffer.

Cock plots of a pipe bomb (standard fare stolen from a John Grisham novel) because they’re quite untraceable. But his mate (a Karla Homolka type personality?) talks him out of it because of their three children. She’s not worried about the neighbors who sleep twelve feet away. She’s only worried about her chicks.

They plan a birthday celebration and invite all the other animals to their coop so that they can point out what an eyesore their neighbor’s den is. But when the den gets renovated, afraid of looking stupid, they change the venue of their festivities to save face.

Cock manipulates his mate into flaunting herself to the neighbor in some weird plan to get the neighbor thrown out of the park. But the plan backfires and the entire neighborhood all pity her while snickering at her at the same time. But our Cock doesn’t care because this drives her closer to him and gives him more power over her.





Chicken behind bars at Reading Gaol

Cock plots a burglary of the rival’s den using friends and his brother while he works on his alibi. But the unseeing eye that sees everything but itself catches the criminals. And Cock deserts his friends and family. "I had nothing to do with it," he crows, "I was working on my alibi at the time." The criminals get their just desserts, i.e. his brother loses his government job etc. etc., and Cock feels more powerful by destroying the lives of others while escaping himself unscathed.

Cock plans to poison the neighbor’s garden but, instead, manipulates his hen to vandalize the plot. And during a power blackout during the dead of night his mate is successful as he watches from a nearby window. Unfortunately a neighbor sees them and informs the local constabulary. And Chick Protective Services takes her chicks away. Making Cock feel more powerful again that he can destroy gardens and familial bonds but remain unscathed himself once more.

But the neighbor works and rebuilds the property once again.

So Cock takes his neighbor to court on a trumped up complaint and through his feather-brained poor ole me ploys he fools the judge into ruling that Cock is the aggrieved party and so the neighbor must depart.



The Cock of Fernbrook Resort?

Cock than makes the neighbor’s former den his own. And then proceeds to destroy every thing that the neighbor had built and improved, den and garden. Crowing quietly to himself all the time that he is the great and powerful Cock and that he is lord and chicken over all.

A sad mate?

His mate, seeing this, and hearing this, finally realizes that Cock is a destroyer, demolishing every thing he touches. And realizes that Cock never builds anything up or raises his level but, instead, tears every thing down, bringing every thing to his level. But having leveled everything close to her as well as him she has nowhere to go. And is forced to live out her increasingly sad remaining years in the decaying Coop of Gallus Domesticus.

What a poor sad pair of horrible boobs.

The Coop of Gallus Domesticus

NEW Stephen King Announces Gothic Horror Tale to be set in Fernbrook Resort Freelton

NEW Stephen King Announces Gothic Horror Tale to be set in Fernbrook Resort Freelton

The Coop of Gallus Domesticus

Stephen King announced to his many fans today that he was putting the finishing touches on a ‘Trailer Park’ Gothic Horror story to be tentatively titled: The Coop of Gallus Domesticus.

Cock: The main character in King's new novel

To be set at Freelton’s Fernbrook Mobile Home Resort the book has a George Orwell Animal Farm flavour with all the major characters being modeled on animals.

"Originally I was just going to have a book filled with animals that mooed and barked and crowed."

And that’s scary?

George orwell - denies having read the works of Dr. Suess 

"I thought so. But it made it hard for the reader to follow the plot. So I did a major revision of the dialogue… substituting human speech for animal sounds. "

"Nothing is scarier than talking animals," declared Mr. King, "Except for devious talking animals. Or a horrible pair of boobs."

King confirmed that his new opus had exactly two horrible boobs in it.

When asked if he was ripping off Orwell in respect of the talking animals King replied, "Maybe Orwell ripped off Dr. Suess… because Suess had talking cats and elephants and crap like that long before Orwell. I’m going to make Orwell’s farm look like a family owned petting zoo… my animals would scare the feathers off of a chicken. Orwell couldn’t scare the smell from a monkey."



A very ticked off Stephen King

Then the author stood up and angrily declared the interview to be over.

Pope Francis asks Chickens to end Tomfoolery at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Pope Francis asks Chickens to end Tomfoolery at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

For many centuries popes have made a point of visiting Fernbrook Resort Freelton. But the steady decline in the standards and ethics of the canine ruled nation has disappointed the newly elected Pope. So much so that His Holiness issued a heartfelt public plea to it’s citizens.

"How much corruption there is in the world! I hope you have the courage ... to clean up Freelton and to clean up Fernbrook Resort. So that there is no longer that stink of tommyrot," Pope Francis began.

Pope Francis then urged members of organized flocks of chickens to turn away from their tomfoolery as he visited one of the Resort's most violent and tomfool filled neighborhoods on Saturday.

He was speaking in the shadow of a dilapidated mobile home in an area known as Feces-Town, an area so smelly that even police are sometimes afraid to enter, residents say.

Francis also spoke out against tommyrot in an address to a crowd in the notorious MethVille neighborhood, a stronghold of clans of the Gallus domesticus, the Fernbrook Resort version of the Freelton mafia.

"How much tommyrot there is in the neighborhood of MethVille! I hope you have the courage ... to clean up… and clean up Fernbrook Resort. So that there is no longer that foul stench of tommyrot," Francis began.



He next urged the area’s residents, which has often been the battleground of Gallus domesticus clans fighting for control of the tomfoolery and dog feces flinging rackets, not to let chickens rob them of their hope.

At a Mass in the clubhouse, Francis urged all of the former nudists to "react firmly to organizations that engage in tomfoolery or that act as tomfools with their tommyknocking and other crimes".

"To the chickens and all their accomplices, I, today, humbly and as Pope, repeat: convert yourselves to love and justice. It is possible to return to honesty," he said.

He has also said members of organized flocks of chickens excommunicate themselves from the Church, and that it would welcome them back if they repent… then go stuff themselves… with seasoned bread… before repeatedly basting themselves at 185 degrees for two hours and ten minutes.

Indians, Aliens & Crap Circles of Fernbrook Resort Freelton Ontario - Episode 4

Indians, Aliens & Crap Circles of Fernbrook Resort Freelton Ontario

Some say the first inhabitants of greater metropolitan Freelton and the surrounding lands were Indians.

But others say that you can’t say the word Indian when referring to North America’s earliest residents because it’s politically incorrect. And anyone who is politically incorrect is a racist. So if you can’t say Indian what can you call those people who can’t be referred to as Indians? I don’t have a clue. So they’re not getting credit for founding Fernbrook Resort. Screw you Indians err… I mean nameless ones. But it’s your own fault you’re getting written out of the history of Fernbrook Resort.

Other says it was religious refugees that founded Fernbrook Resort. That persecuted people fled their homes and made a perilous journey down dangerous Highway 6 in order that they may worship their choice of black flies, poison ivy and potholes in peace and serenity, without being harassed by the government. But trust me on this... you don’t have to emigrate to Fernbrook Resort to get a high worshipping potholes. Pretty much any street in any Canadian city will suffice.

Some loudly argue that the original founders of the Fernbrook nation were a combination of wayward indentured servants and escaped slaves. But would such people choose to live among black flies, poison ivy and potholes? Even if it provided peace and security? Because I’ve talked to several escaped slaves and the first thing they do after escaping is book a room at the Radisson in Toronto and check out the local bar scene.

Which brings us to Aliens. And while there have been many many crap and feces sightings right across this great nation, these sightings have never been in circular form. This complete absence of crap circles when combined with an utter paucity of UFO sightings should disabuse those with notions of alien involvement in the founding of Fernbrook Resort. Though that doesn’t mean that they don’t visit every now and again for the Spring Feces Flinging Festival.

So what’s left?

The idea that the greater Fernbrook area was settled by Gallus domesticus. The common chicken. Others say that several chickens (and at least one rooster) did indeed arrive but only after the initial pioneers had already well established themselves in the area. Appearing later and hiding themselves among the population so as not to be noticed. But whether or not Fernbrook Resort was founded by chickens… there are some here. And with the waning of the winter snows they’re back to entering the outbuildings of others and rifling through others’ personal property. I guess they like to wait until the snow’s melted so that their distinctive three toed tracks can’t be discerned. Which just leaves us with their actions as proof of their presence.