Feces Shortage Strikes Fernbrook Resort Freelton! But Death Threats Increase?

Feces Shortage Strikes Fernbrook Resort Freelton! But Death Threats Increase?

Fresh Feces prices and Death Threats continue to rise
on the Fernbrook Resort Stock Market

This morning we wakened to see only two smaller blackened nuggets of feces tossed on our walk. Indicating that a feces shortage has struck the grand nation of Fernbrook Resort. Which will alarm those residents who partake in this bizarre ritual of intimidation no doubt.

A check of the fresh dog feces market and the futures markets both confirm there has been a heavy uptick in prices due to the skyrocketing demand and the increasing rarity of this precious resource.

A coincidence? Or a threat?

But that wasn’t all that was found on the walk.

Apparently a field mouse expired right dead smack in the middle of the walk as well.

Or maybe it didn’t die there but rather someone placed it there.

As a threat.

You know, like you see in the movies. They send you a dead animal and a note and if you don’t cease and desist well… you cease to exist.

But if it’s a threat it’s a pretty insulting one. A mouse? C’mon! That shows absolutely no effort. It smacks of laziness.

In real life death threats consists of a nice fresh fish all wrapped in newspaper thoughtfully tied up with a string (so you don’t get your hands dirty). Or the threateners cut the head off your favorite racehorse and place it next to you in your bed so you have something to think about when you wake up.

As well, usually there’s a note, something like: "Shaddup up or youse’ll sleep wit da fishes!" and then signed ‘sincerely Karson Krausewitz’ (or some other psuedonym).

But there wasn’t a note either.

Just more laziness.

As a result we refuse to take such threats seriously.

If indeed this was a threat to 'cease and desist' describing the daily life in the Fernbrook Resort nation then we demand something more substantial. A dead giraffe perhaps. Or the head of a walrus cleaned and mounted and suitable for  display.

Member of
Fernbrook Resort's Mafia

Onlythen will we feel suitably threatened.

But a mouse?

Maybe the Chicken Mafia thinks a dead mouse threatening, but adults?

C’mon.

C’mon….