Wire Tap Allegation Latest Salvo in Chicken War of Fernbrook Resort Freelton?

Wire Tap Allegation Latest Salvo in Chicken War of Fernbrook Resort Freelton?

Does someone's significant other have a contagious venereal disease?

  

OMG! Now I'll have to get myself checked!

The Chicken War of Fernbrook Resort Freelton took a surprising turn when the forces of the Great and Powerful Rooster were accused of tapping the phones and electronic devices of their foes.



I didn't beleive it at first but then...



The War centers on Rooster’s desperate attempts to evict neighbours that are not up to his high standards of faeces flinging, theft, vandalism etc.



...and I just had a three way with them...



As the accusation goes, initially Rooster had been using friends and acquaintances in Bromont, Quebec and Coteau-du-Lac (also in Quebec) for the tapping task but now it is alleged that the Great Rooster has ordered local management here in Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s Capital, Clubhouse City, to get involved. And it is alleged that they have acquiesced.

The purpose being to obtain information that would permit for undesirable non faeces flingers to be unceremoniously evicted from the nation of poo encrusted nation of Fernbrook Resort.

IIf true, what a great plan this is because we all no that information obtained via an illegally placed wiretap is a smart play. It's not like its a federal crime or anything

"I am so moving to Millgrove!"

Because no lawyer would ever bother to ask how you managed to obtain the crucial information. They would just accept it at face value. A gift from the gods.

"No judicial authorization?
No problemo!" says
Fernbrook Resort Freelton's
Chief Justice Donny Sparechange

And illegally obtained information is the preference of all judges. Judges hate all that pesky paperwork and those stupid Bills of Rights and Constitutions that protect folks.

The only question that remains now is what information is it that Rooster is desperately searching for?

Vandalism Sprees & Communism and Property Redistribution as the Chicken War Continues at Fernbrook Resort Freelton?

Vandalism Sprees & Communism and Property Redistribution as the Chicken War Continues at Fernbrook Resort Freelton?

Another pointless episode from earth's stupidest war!

Ha ha ha, I'm Great...

A sneak attack on an innocent bird feeder was blamed on the Great and Powerful Rooster and his forces of chicken-ness.

(yeah, I know chicken-ness isn’t a word, but you get the idea Rooster represents all things chicken)

Anyway, Rooster denied that the attack was the work of the chickens stating, “I didn’t even know they had a bird feeder over there.”

But prior to the sneak attack being made public Rooster was recorded making the comment:

...and I am Powerful...

“Next we’ll go after the wind chimes.”

then, after the attack was made public Rooster was quoted as saying,

“I did say that about the wind chimes, how’d they know that?”

Then, later he asked:

“What, do they have a microphone over there or something?”

No Comment.

So Rooster and his flock of chickens definitely did some late night vandalism then lied to cover it up.

...thats why I do everything behind backs
or under the cover of darkness.
Because I'm a CHICKEN!!!

But that’s not all.

It has been much quieter lately. After almost daily faeces attacks, vandalism and/or theft he has switched to a more low key approach, some trespassing coupled with property redistribution. Sounds like communism. But no, not stealing the property mind you just moving it. Just to let you know that he’s there and he’s still more great and powerful than everybody else. He has been seen trespassing on the property of others as has his hen.

I guess we’ll see what tomorrow brings.

For Rooster.

Rooster & Chickens Deny Latest Vandalism Spree at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Rooster & Chickens Deny Latest Vandalism Spree at Fernbrook Resort Freelton



"I am not a vandal!!!"



In an announcement that shocked many the Great and Powerful Rooster denied the previously reported sneak attack on the bird feeders of Fernbrook Resort Freelton.



I don't even know what
a bird feeder is !!!!"

 

Sounding particularly Nixonesque the Great and Powerful Rooster squawked loudly, “I did not vandalize the neighbor’s bird feeder, I didn’t even know the neighbor’s had a bird feeder. It was those guys.”

He then held his wings up high above his head and after several failed attempts to form a vee sign with his feathers squawked ‘Pr-kaw… Pr-kawww” and flew off into the sun. 

Which leads to three likely scenarios.




"Think they fell for it???"

 

1.) that Rooster is telling the truth and he did not trespass and vandalize the neighbor’s property.

2.) that he is lying and did both trespass and vandalize.

3.) that he did not commit the crime but knows who did. Notice how Rooster said, “It was those guys.” So if it wasn’t him than he knows who committed the crime. Making him somewhat culpable as the Great and Powerful Rooster did instigate the Chicken War of Fernbrook Resort Freelton. .

This is the chicken that stole donations intended for the Fernbrook Resort library because he said, “those books are too good for them” then sold the books etc. and pocketed the proceeds. But of course folks believe any thing that Rooster squawks because he is both great and powerful. Their better in all ways.

If folks would look at Rooster's entire catalogue of works instead of considering every incident as a one off occurence then there is not much doubt they would see a true picture of the Great and Powerful Rooster.


And that is today's war news.

"What? No lawsuits or legal threats?
Stupid Chicken War!" 

Chickens Launch Surprise Vandalism Attack at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Chickens Launch Surprise Vandalism Attack at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

In a late evening assault a small band of determined chickens trespassed onto a property and ripped a bird feeder from its perch on a tree. Trampling some flowers in the process. They did such a commendable job that not only did the feeder come down but also the hardware holding the feeder was ripped out along with a substantial portion of bark and sap that had adhered to the long standing construction.

“Wow. What a brave move by these chickens,” stated a shocked Colonel Harland T Sanders leader of the anti-chicken forces. “Attacking an inanimate object in the dead of night shows that these birds are not only brave but of above average intelligence… and certainly not the cowards that I thought them to be.”

"If bird feeders aren't safe then how
long will it be before the chickens go
after wind chimes and lawn gnomes,"
lamented Colonel Sanders.

But a nearby bird called out ‘Foul!’ upon hearing the Colonel’s comments.

“It wasn’t chickens that did this,” cawed Napoleon Bonapartridge, “It was humans that take on the characteristics of a chicken once the sun sets.”

Finchton Churchill: "Stupid humans!"

“Yeah,” agreed Finchton Churchill. “It was stupid humans. I am so tired of humans blaming everything that goes wrong in Fernbrook Resort Freelton on dogs and birds and whales and hippos whatever other animal comes down the pipeline. I’d like to see one you stupid human meatsacks accuse me to beak! I’d peck their eyes out and…”

Napoleon Bonapartridge official spokesbird
for the avians of Fernbrook Resort. 

“Easy there Winnie, easy now,” interrupted Bonapartridge. “Humans are a lower class of animal. A class that throws the faeces of other species, that gossip, that vandalize… you get the idea. They engage in behaviours that animals of higher orders would never even consider.”

“Yeah, I know,” agreed a slightly calmer Churchill. “But when will they ever mature?”

“What a world this would be,” added Edgar Allan Crowe, “if humans could act like a mature species instead of like a bunch of immature chicks. Then civility and order would rule among all the species. Except for possums of course.”

"When will those meatsacks grow up?"
asked a debonair Edgar Allan Crowe. 

“Stupid pouch carrying possums… why the hell don’t they go back to Australia and hang out with all the other stupid marsupials,” squawked Churchill as he began to get agitated once more.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, now that’s specist talk, said Bonapartridge, “Don’t lower yourself to the level of a silly human meatsack and their classist we’re better than you system that only allow you to communicate with those of your own perceived standing.”

“Yeah… you’re right again. But if they continue to blame birds for their behaviour then I’m getting a lawyer,” countered Crowe.

“Now you’re the one starting to sound like a stupid human meatsack,” countered Churchill. “Settling their silly problems with unnecessary time and expense when a good old fashioned melee would clear the air and establish a proper social order.” 

“Maybe those humans really are chickens…”

“Ha ha ha ha ha,” they all laughed together.

"These stupid birds are going to cost me business," meowed
Law Cat, "maybe I should sue them..."

A Rooster and His Chicken War Mar Once Family Friendly Fernbrook Resort Freelton

A Rooster and His Chicken War Mar Once Family Friendly Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Another boring installment of the world's stupidest war!

DATELINE: FERNBROOK RESORT FREELTON

Once upon a time Fernbrook Resort Freelton was a kind and friendly place. However during the past six years those of questionable character have been allowed to come roost in Fernbrook Resort. Chickens. Chickens that are influencing others to become more chickenlike in their behavior.

The Great and Powerful Rooster of
Fernbrook Resort Freelton

The shadiest of these chickens is the Great and Powerful Rooster. A gallus domesticus so jealous of one neighboring family thathe is willing to do anything to drive the neighbors away. He wants to purchase the home at a fire sale price and hen flip it for a profit. He did want to move his family in but his little hen squawked about where they would put their chicks.  (http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2015_06_01_archive.html).

And that is how war broke out.

On the one side is Rooster and his chicken friends, family and followers.

The flock of the Great and Powerful Rooster
prepare themselves for combat.

And on the other side is a neighboring family that rooster wants to evict from Fernbrook Resort Freelton.

Though not every resident of Fernbrook Resort is involved in the war, there is a third group, the non-combatants. Some of these may be unaware of the hostilities. Others are aware but not participating with the chickens because they are mature adults with a conscience. May God bless those half dozen people.

The attack of Rooster is multi-pronged:

1 – he is defaming the neighbors in an attempt to embarrass them into leaving.

2 – he is fabricating complaints about noise.

3 – he is fabricating complaints about unkempt property.

4 – he is using his hen to feign friendship and pump any acquaintances of the undesirable neighbors for info on them. Anything that might help the eviction process.

On points 2 and 3 the Great and Powerful Rooster is eliciting the help of his chicken friends to keep an eye and ear on the neighbors. They report to him on the neighbor’s actions. And the reason the complicit neighbors report to Rooster is because of point 1. Rooster has made defamatory comments and outright lies about the neighbors he wants evicted. And these lies have made the chickens help rooster. It is the biases Rooster has created that makes them help him.

When people lie behind your back it means that they are cowards. They are gutless. Hence the name Rooster. And his chicken followers.

When people lie to your face it means that they don’t respect you.

So Rooster lying to all these people means he does not respect them. He is their intellectual superior. And we can’t argue with that. They buy his lies without even a hint of question. So why should you or I or anyone else respect these followers of Rooster? We shouldn’t. we don’t. And once you get to know these chickens you won’t either.

Whenever a Rooster tells
a lie its beak grows.

One further point to note about all this is that the family that the chicken majority want evicted are considered by all to be the least intelligent creatures to currently blight the face of Fernbrook Resort. Completely stupid and worthless. Trash. Literally. While Rooster and his chicken friends all consider themselves to be the epitome of intelligence and sophistication. Point being if the Great and Powerful Rooster and his featherbrained underlings are so smart… why does it take so many ‘smart’ brains to defeat a couple dumb ones?

I have to admit that I question the intelligence of the chickens and their Rooster leader.

And before war’s end no doubt you will be questioning their intelligence as well.

Law Cat says that when it comes to war
the lawyers always win.

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Promises Daily Deposits of Dog Shit to all Residents, Guests & Visitors

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Promises Daily Deposits of Dog Shit to all Residents, Guests & Visitors



A recent Fernbrook Resort Freelton visitor
posted this photo of their faeces encrusted footwear
to Facebook after a brief walk around
the shit covered nation.
  

“Even though large tracts of this planet and many old and famous Nations have fallen or may fall into the grip of the anti-dog shit tossing Gestapo and all the odious apparatus of Civil Behaviour, Fernbrook Resort Freelton shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. Daily we shall continue to deposit dog shit on neighboring doorsteps, we shall toss dog shit onto the lawns and into the gardens, and we shall do so with growing confidence and growing strength. And we shall always defend our right to throw dog shit, whatever the cost may be. For ever we shall continue to throw dog shit on the sidewalks, toss dog shit in the parks, we shall toss dog shit in the fields and in the streets, we shall cover the hills with dog shit; we shall never forgo the tossing of dog shit, and if, which I do not for a moment believe, Fernbrook Resort Freelton or a large part of it were subjugated and shitless, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed with dog turds, would carry on the struggle, until, in God's good time, the World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of our right to daily toss dog shit towards the residents of Fernbrook Resort Freelton, towards the guests of Fernbrook Resort Freelton and towards those who would visit Fernbrook Resort Freelton”

The Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort Freelton Doc Ballard

Rustic Fernbrook Resort Freelton
residents collect dog shit in the
most humane of fashions.
visitors and neighbors.

Those were the defiant words barked by the Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort Freelton His Worship the Right Honourable Duke of Purina Doc Ballard in a prepared statement to a gathering of the world press early this morning.



Some Fernbrook Resort residents
decorate dog shit with marshmallows
and hand them out to kids as treats.



Immediately after finishing the statement the Lord Mayor, refusing all questions, stepped down from the podium, sniffed at someone’s shoe then chased a squirrel up a tree.

World Leaders were stunned not only by the fact that residents of Fernbrook Resort Freelton engage in the appalling behaviour of tossing of dog shit at every resident, visitor and guest but by the government’s staunch support of the bizarre and mentally questionable behaviour.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross checks her garden
for deposits of Fernbrook Resort dog faeces.

Famed psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross was dug up and she stated that, “those who toss dog feces are mental aberrants who are too chicken to face their foes, foes being those they envy and of whom they are jealous. These types of bug-eyed nuts are insecure and cowardly individuals who are impotent and the aroma of dog shit brings about an arousal that helps them to perform sexually. Without the aroma of dog shit on their hands they are forced to spend their time with their spouse, braiding each other’s hair while they  diss reality television show stars.”

Curtis Shite prepares gourmet dog
shit for flinging at the finest of
Fernbrook Resort's properties.

When asked if she should be referring to a mental aberrant as a nut Kubler-Ross replied, “I grew up in the time before the inanity of political correctness… if someone is a mental aberrant and a nut that’s what you call them. Fancy words don’t change the facts.”

One resident of Fernbrook Resort Freelton responded to Dr Kubler-Ross’ comments by asking for her mailing address and promising to send her a package that she would not soon forget.

United Nations Accepts Declaration of War Against the Chickens of Fernbrook Resort Freelton

United Nations Accepts Declaration of War Against the Chickens of Fernbrook Resort Freelton



Come and read a funny story about the great and powerful rooster
a cowardly little chicken who flung faeces...
(sung to the Beverly Hillbillies tune)



Peter Thomson: "Why the hell hasn't
Kelloggs come up with a breakfast
cereal with a chicken flavoring?"

 It is now official, the United Nations has accepted a declaration of war against all chickens and chickenkind located on or around the environs of Fernbrook Resort Freelton.

Once upon a time Fernbrook Resort Freelton was one of earth’s most well-respected nations. But in recent times the faeces flinging state has fallen out of favour. Thefts, vandalism, questionable social antics and the rise of turd terrorism have made Fernbrook Resort Freelton the pariah state of the western hemisphere.

Peter Thomson, soon to be president of the seventy-first UN General Assembly had this to say, “personally I love chicken. I would eat it three times a day if I could. But no one’s ever come up with a chicken flavored breakfast cereal. Isn’t that a great idea… a chicken flavored breakfast cereal… hmmmph.” Then after a long pause he added, “Anyway when I saw this war declaration thingy come across my desk I figured I love chicken… just not that kind of chicken. So it’s fine and jim dandy with me if their numbers get culled.”

Pope Francis and friends share a
laugh over a roast chicken meal.

Pope Francis was playing hopscotch behind the Vatican with some Cardinals when informed about the war and Peter Thomson’s comments.

“A chicken flavoured cereal… what a great idea. Who wouldn’t like some chicken for breakfast… I can’t believe someone hasn’t thought of that before.  Huh. Anyway, personally, I don’t like war… but as long as all the indulgences are paid up I figure what the hell… sorry I meant to say heck. But there better not be any hitting below the belt. Though then when you think about it chickens don’t have anything below the belt. Roosters either. Ha ha ha ha ha. I think God will forgive me for that low blow but I couldn’t resist. Nothing below the belt. Ha ha ha ha ha. Mom was right, I should have gone into comedy.”

Colonel Harland T Sanders will be leading the war against the chickens and his unique strategy involves using a batter, several secret herbs and spices and ovens preset to 350 degrees Fahrenheit for approximately 45 minutes.

"And don't forget to try our
chicken poutine!"

“We’re going to feast on these suckers, it’ll be a finger lickin’ good time,” Colonel Sanders predicted. “And for a limited time only we’re giving free refills on pop and a Colonel Sanders bank for the kids. Remember kids, another penny saved is another penny earned, that’s a lesson I was mighty young to learn.”  

The United Nations and Kentucky Fried Chicken have issued a joint statement asking all spectators to bring plenty of fries, soup and salad as they expect this battle to be both entertaining anmd delicious.

The leader of the chickens the great and powerful rooster was asked to comment on the situation and he replied, “ur ur ur ur urrrrrrh!” before running away like a chicken with its head cut off.

File photo of a young Private Harland (Harry) Sanders during the fast food wars of the 1970's.

Petty Thefts, Vandalism, Faeces Flinging at Fallen Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Petty Thefts, Vandalism, Faeces Flinging at Fallen Fernbrook Resort Freelton 

Every time you speak with a camper or resident at Fernbrook Resort Freelton very quickly some complaint will arise.

Fresh faeces deposits found. Vandalism. Theft. Geriatric Profanity Disorder.

And today was no different.



A fresh deposit of faeces at
fabulous Fernrook Resort
in Freelton 



Today one of the neighbors complained that someone had gone into their shed and stolen a hup cap, nut and washer from a piece of yard equipment. The result being that the wheels will fall off the equipment. Capable of causing a catastrophic accident if it had not been noticed. Unless replaced.

Who does that?

Seriously.

Accidents happen when whees fall off.

These are items that have absolutely no value to anyone who does not own that or a similar piece of equipment.

Clearly it was done solely to inconvenience and nothing else.

By the same chickens who fling faeces, vandalize resident and Fernbrook Resort property, who organize anti-social campaigns… you get the idea. Cowards.

Vandalism or neighborhood beautification?
It's all in the eye of the beholder!

The neighbors were quite matter of fact over the incident. They have sent a request to the United Nations seeking a declaration of war against all chickens and chickenkind.