Housing Prices, Home Sales Plummet in Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Housing Prices, Home Sales Plummet in Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Fed up Fernbrook Resort Citizens demand action against those who would write factually about Fernbrook Resort. "We'll decide what the truth is!" they chanted.

Increasingly Fernbrook Resort Freelton natives have been voicing there concerns over stagnant home prices and plummeting home sales. A peculiar trend considering the robust state of the housing market in other nations. So peculiar in fact that a meeting was held to discuss why they thought their market was so frigid.

“I think it’s because someone has been badmouthing Fernbrook Resort,” said Harold Homeseller quite authoritatively.   

“Badmouthing? Howso?”

Home Prices, Sales Graph 2010-2016 Year over Year

“Someone, one of our more undesirable neighbours in fact, has been complaining that we vandalize and steal and harass and bully and toss dog faeces and..”

“Well have you?”

“Well…Yeah… we have,” agreed Vernon Propertyvendor, “but we don’t want people talking about it.”

“Because that’s just mean,” agreed Homeseller. “And it’s embarrassing. Having people read about us doing that. No wonder I can’t sell my home.”

“Maybe you could stop stealing and bullying. And clean up after your pets. And – ”

A vocal Vernon Propertyvendor

“But what about our rights?” interrupted an angry Pauleena Petowner, “Why should we have to clean up after our pets? I’m very busy. I have to watch my game shows then get something to eat before I take my little Poo-Poo for his walkies.” 

“And if my neighbour has something I want why can’t I just take it?” questioned Lawrence Lightfingers. “We have rights too! Yet this is a situation where the rights of the many are being infringed upon by one undesirable neighbour who has dog faeces issues. Or is anti theft. Or, or…”

“But if you didn’t steal, bully, gossip, vandalize etc. etc. then there would be nothing bad to talk about. And home prices would rise and homes would sell.”

Ilana Illogical: "My doctor fixeded my brain."

“Ouch,” said Ilana Illogical as she rubbed her head, “I think you just hurt my brain.”    

“Hurt your brain?”

“Yeah. My doctor said that people aren’t supposed to use logic around me.”

“So that’s why my head hurts,” several other Fernbrook Resort Freelton residents chimed in simultaneously.”

“Can I get the name of your Doctor?” asked another, “Because I have this rash... and I think it might be caused by logic.”

“You know what I think?” said Nancy Noncomposmentis, “I think people who complain about events that are really happening are just plain crazy.”

“Hey,” asked Norman Mowernabber of Victor Victim, “Did you ever find that lawnmower of yours that went missing?”

Why won't this beautiful home sell?

“Naw,” replied Victim, “I complained to everyone and anyone who would listen but no one saw a thing.”

“Hey, Nancy, what would you do if someone’s pets were crapping on your lawn every day?” someone shouted out.

“I’d complain”

“That’s not crazy?”

“I don’t think you understand,” replied Nancy as many nodded in agreement, “It’s only crazy to complain when the complainant is an undesirable neighbour. When you like the  neighbour than whatever they say is valid. So by questioning a complainer’s sanity then it puts the focus on the individual and not the crime. That way we can continue to toss faeces, steal, gossip, bully etc. without fear of reprisal. Because no one will believe its happening.”

“But what if someone had a camera? Or a parabolic microphone? Or…”

Questionable Home Selling techniques may be part of the problem

“Ouch,” said Nancy as she rubbed her head.

“Say, I have an idea,” said Harold Homeseller, “why don’t we pass a rule that no one is allowed to write about Fernbrook Resort Freelton on the internet? Then no one would know about the dog faeces tossers, the bullying and the thefts and… well then we could sell our homes and let the buyers worry about all the crime?”

Mr. Maleturkey gets down to business.

“The Great and Powerful Rooster already asked management to do that. In 2014. They said, ‘No’” Mr. Maleturkey gobbled.

Though the answer was right in front of the assembled, they refused to see it. 

On doctor’s orders. 

So it wasn’t their fault. 

And home prices continued to falter.

And home sales continued to decline.