Is Fernbrook Resort Freelton a Hotbed for Child Pornography, Pedophilia and Other Crimes???

Is Fernbrook Resort Freelton a Hotbed for Child Pornography, Pedophilia and Other Crimes???

"This is more boring than reality television," Rooster complained of his wire tap.

That’s what the Great and Powerful Rooster would have Fernbrook Resort Freelton natives believe about some neighours. And He used this belief as an excuse to allegedly perform a wiretap on numerous neighbours. 

In August of just this past year (http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2016/08/wire-tap-allegation-latest-salvo-in.html) allegations of illegal phone and wire taps were made.

Allegedly those allegations did hold water.

Allegedly Hamilton Wentworth Police did a check and found some truth. Rooster, in His defense, stated that He had heard that some of Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s more undesirable neighbours were pedophiles who used their personal home computers to access child pornography. Rooster admitted that His years of half-assed investigation had not gush ed with information. But He had to remain vigilant for the sake of Fernbrook Resort.

"We couldn't find the wallet because there were no donuts in it!"

Allegedly the Hamilton Wentworth Police said “Let’s just remove the wiretap and pretend this illegal act never happened.”

How could the Hamilton Wentworth Police allegedly ‘overlook’ an illegal act?

Well, these are the same bozos that spent hours unsuccessfully tearing apart a deceased man’s hotel room looking for his wallet. A wallet that later turned up in a pillowcase found in that very same room. Great job you bunch of Keystone Kops. If you went on strike the crime rate in Hamilton Wentworth might actually decrease.    

Anyway, after the Kops departed, Rooster allegedly reinstituted the wiretap. He just put the tap in a different place ‘that the police would never think to look’. Notice the quotes on that statement.

And to this day that alleged wiretap is still in place. Rooster is still trying to collect information that He can use to get any Neighbours with Certain Undesirable qualities evicted. Allegedly again.  

"How will I ever be able to show my face in Coteau du Lac or Bromont ever again?"

“I’m jealous,” said Maybelline Malign upon hearing the news, “I only thought we were allowed to slander Undesirable Neighbours.”  

"Why does everyone keep referring to me as a turkey?"

Tim Turkey added, “Wow, wire taps are even better than turd terrorism. I wonder if I could add something to the water supply that would have a negative effect on the life expectancy of an Undesirable Neighbours?”

While the Profit and Loss Department of tiny nation stated, “After some thought we realized that this nation has lots of children. And we have a lot of empty hotel rooms, lots and campsites. So we’re looking at these malicious lies as a way to attract some new clientele that will positively affect our bottom line. Plus it will give our nations finest and most above the law and reprimand citizen more communication lines to tap. That way He can watch all the child pornography He wants… errr… child pornographers he wants.”

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Takes Umbrage to United Nations World Intelligence Quotient Index Results

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Takes Umbrage to United Nations World Intelligence Quotient Index Results

Are the willfully blind leading the willfully stupid of Fernbrook Resort Freelton?

“Well I for one don’t take umbrage,” said Velma Vocabulary, “it’s just that the results really upset me and I resent them.”

                                              

"Ha ha, we beat Millgrove," said Bernice Braintrust.

Truly the blood sucking midge infested nation of Fernbrook Resort Freelton seems entirely flummoxed by the results. And by flummoxed it is meant that they don’t quite understand them.

Said Bernice Braintrust, “Fernbrook Resort may have finished last place in the entire world but we still beat Millgrove.”

“Yeah! And we’re also smarter than all those Undesirable Neighbours,” added Walter Oneupmansship, “Because if we weren’t smarter than them than how would we know that they’re stealing.”

According to multiple claims out of Fernbrook Resort Freelton one certain Undesirable Neighbour has been stealing everything that has been nailed down. And then returning to take the nail. Yet even though everyone in the nation knows that the Undesirable Neighbour family has been stealing… no one has actually seen them steal any thing.

       

This belief persists even though The Great and Powerful Rooster himself has admitted to removing resources from the Fernbrook Resort library. And then selling them for His own personal gain. Yet He is not considered to be a thief.

“No one who steals would admit it,” Fernbrook’s DENSA association president decided, “therefore Rooster can’t be stealing.”

Fernbrook's DENSA President.

Additionally, Rooster was asked not to steal from the library by previous management. Or, if he was to continue stealing, not to go around bragging about it.

And when that bank repossessed A-Frame on Fantasy Lane was allegedly emptied of its contents by a Fernbrook Resort Freelton company truck in July of 2016 – in broad daylight and in full view of Fernbrook’s populace – not one resident considered that to be theft. Or the participants to be thieves.    

Carrie Cheatcode: 'The word of honest thieves is to be distrusted."

“Because we love the staff here… and no one knew the neighbour who was being nicked… or likes the bank that was being burgled. So it doesn’t count as stealing,” confirmed Carrie Cheatcode. “It’s only stealing if we don’t like the person. Or if we want to blame innocent people to keep ourselves and our friends from being scrutinized.”

 

What about when a gentleman passes away in a hotel room from a congestive heart disorder? A gentleman who carried large sums of cash with him. And then his wallet mysteriously goes missing. So missing that three cars filled with cops couldn’t find it. Despite pulling apart the hotel room for hours. Then, after the police depart, the wallet mysteriously turns up in a pillowcase in that same room. Perhaps a little bit lighter in the cash department. It doesn’t take a Greek Oracle to tell the constabulary what happened.

“I think that Undesirable Neighbour was the one who was responsible for whatever it was that may or may not have happened,” stated Sidney Statement, “no one saw the Undesirable Neighbours in that general area so without a doubt it was them that did whatever anyone says may have happened. And if someone did die of congestive heart failure then Neighbour undesirable caused that too. In fact I think my heart might be congesting right now. Way to go you gross smelly and stupid undesirable neighbour.”

And what about all those allegedly occupied Hotel Rooms with no paperwork to show that they were being occupied? Despite the presence of people in those rooms. And, allegedly, no receivables noted in the books. Where did the cash suddenly come from to pay from those allegedly occupied rooms? A deceased man’s wallet?

“Well, even if anything was stolen, it was months of alleged unpaid use of hotel rooms from a company that has underfunded the nation into a pothole strewn, pipe bursting pit of disappointed retirement dreams. So they’re just getting what they deserve. If we liked the ownership than it would have been theft,” remarked Olivia Looktheotherway.

"Records are for losers... I use CD's."

In fact why did Fernbrook Resort Freelton just suddenly stop accepting cash? Did the books and records suddenly become unbalanced with no explanation?

“Well, if the books are unbalanced then maybe they could get some other books from the Fernbrook library to balance them – if Neighbour Undesirable would please quit stealing them. But I don’t know about records, I thought everybody listened to CD’s these days,” barked Bernard Behindthetimes.

And what about the story about a Great and Powerful Rooster who got the corporate keys to every door in the nation from a former employee who was never asked to return their keys?

"Rooster is the only good thing about Fernbrook Resort," said Rooster's acolyte Rene Roosterlover.                                                                                               "Anyone disses the Roost and I will kick their ass."

“But that’s just Rooster,” said Rene Roosterlover, “Everybody loves Rooster so He can do whatever he wants. I love Rooster. I sure wish I could get His autograph. Maybe He would even permit me to massage His posterior regions with my pointy beaklike appendage.”   

So with all this damning information it makes you wonder how the incredibly watched and scrutinized is neighbour undesirable masterminding all these crimes. Without getting caught. Or even being seen in the general vicinity.

Is the Neighbour Undesirable family a family of Master criminals?

Or are a large number of Fernbrook Resort citizens so dumb that they can’t see the truth? So dumb that you can tell them the truth, point them to the truth and then show them the truth – and yet they still can’t see the truth.

So you be the judge why Fernbrook Resort Freelton finished last in United Nations World Intelligence Quotient Index.  

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Crowned Earth’s Dumbest Nation by the United Nations

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Crowned Earth’s Dumbest Nation by the United Nations

"Ha Ha Fernbridge, we beated you, we're more smarter," smiled an exultant American President Donald Trump.

The United Nations World Intelligence Quotient Index recently ranked earth’s nations by IQ and the tiny faeces friendly nation of Fernbrook Resort Freelton finished dead last. Placing behind Heligoland, the Leeward Islands, several imaginary nations including Never Never Land and Oz and, surprisingly the United States of America.

The UN meets to reveal World IQ Index.

Though this result came as a surprise to no one who could read. And, as most Fernbrook Resort Freelton natives seem unable to transform lines of ink or pencil set on paper into coherent thought, they’re not going to be surprised by this result either.

Unless some tells them.

No undesirable neighbours were permitted to take the test. But of the so called desirable class of neighbors:

Fernbrook Resort Freelton natives gather to celebrate their 'victory'?

Fully forty-one percent of the nation failed the ‘Your Name Here’ portion of the exam. Writing the word ‘Rooster’ instead of writing their own name.

Another seventeen percent did write their own name – but somehow managed to spell it wrong.

Though not every one in the nation is of low intelligence. A fully twenty-eight  percent scored perfect marks of one hundred percent. Displaying incredible intelligence. Though it wasn’t enough to drag the nation out of last place. Those who scored perfect marks answered the following question correctly:

A rooster is:

A) a barnyard animal

B) a stupid cock

C) a festive Armenian dance

D) our liege lord and sole reason for living

Selection B of course is the correct answer. Those who flunked the test selected D as their answer. After the test those who selected D got down on their knees and thanked Rooster as he stood a mere two inches away facing them.

The followers of Rooster await his arrival.

The reason for the poor scores is that The Great and Powerful Rooster is the kind of chicken who can lie to other chicken’s beaks. And when His Majesty is caught lying, his chicken like followers blame the subject of the lie for making Rooster look bad. To them a lie can only come from any other mouth other than Rooster’s beak.

Case in point?

A Rooster unapproved yard.

A Rooster approved yard.

One of Rooster’s many many lies is that a certain undesirable neighbour family does not take care of their lot. Yeah, Rooster and his friends force their dogs to crap on undesirable neighboring properties and then complain that the properties are a mess. Anyway whenever the followers of Rooster see undesirable neighbours doing yardwork they make sarcastic comments about how the property is finally being tidied up and how glad they are. Meanwhile their yards are award winning eyesores. Maybe they should rake the twig out of their own yard before they complain about the branches in their undesirable neighbours yards. Or, better yet, take a peek over the fence at The Great and Powerful Rooster’s property.           

But to the intelligentsia of Fernbrook Resort Freelton the results confirmed their worst suspicions – that the antics of Rooster and his many followers aren’t just dragging down home prices and house sales in the nation, they’re a severe drag on the nation’s IQ as well.   

The Great and Powerful Rooster Solves Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s Ghost Problem

 The Great and Powerful Rooster Solves Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s Ghost Problem

wooo oooo oooh!!!! woo oooo ooohhhh!!!

In a calculated response to the revelation that Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s phone lines and telecommunication system is infested by ghosts, the Great and Powerful Rooster made an announcement that the problem had now been solved.

Said Rooster, “When I heard that chickens were being blamed I thought to myself, I’ve got to deflect attention away from myself… and my followers… before people put two and two together and get three… so I edumacated myself. Yup. I attained a degree of more higherer education. I am now a Doctor of Phonology…”

“What?” muttered several members of the press corps simultaneously.

"Yeah, I'm a Doctor now."

“…and using this degree I solved Fernbrook Resort’s ghost problem,” announced His Great and Powerfulness to a bemused press corps, “And I have decided that its not chicken ghosts at all… Nope. It’s people. People are phoning and becoming instantaneously physically ill. And so forced to hang up their phone. So it’s not ghosts. And it’s definitely not chickens. Nopers. Not chickens. Nosireebob. So lets all blame something else.”

“And what sort of illness do the callers have?” asked Nelly Bly of the New York Times.

“They have a disease known to you laypeople as hysterical laryngitis.”

 “What?”

“Yeah, it’s true. I just invent… er discovered the disease. Just the other day. When I was cleaning out my coop.”

“Can you elaborate on the symptoms?” asked Dr. Phil Good of the Mayo Institute.

“Sure,” said Rooster, “whenever a person – NOT A CHICKEN, A PERSON… A PERSON, whenever A PERSON phones a neighbour… and that neighbour is infested with the ailment of contagious pneumonic undesirability… that awful disease is transmitted through the phone line. Causing the caller to instantaneously lose their voice. Hysterical laryngitis. Unable to speak they are forced to hang up. So you can’t blame the caller. You can only blame the person who picks up the phone. Because if they hadn’t answered their phone then none of this would have happened.”

“Say,” asked Dr. William Ozonol of the New England Journal of Medicine, “just where exactly did you get your degree from?”

“From Dawn’s Discount Diplomas and Rug Shampooing. At Dawn’s you get your diploma in under an hour and if they’re late you get ten percent of your next carpet shampooing. Remember everyone that’s Dawn’s Discount Diplomas for all your educational needs. Dawn’s Discount Diplomas.” 

“Is Dawn's an accredited medical institution?” queried Dr. Ozonol, “Because I’ve never heard of them before.”

 “Yeah… well… that doesn’t surprise me. I mean who’s ever heard of the New England Journal of Medicine? No one,” crowed Rooster triumphantly.

“I’ve heard of them.”

“So have I.”

“They’re very famous. And quite well respected.”

“You all should just shut up,” screamed the Great and Powerful Rooster.

"yeah, well we've never heard of you too! so there!"

“Say,” asked Samuel Morse, “even if you can’t speak because of Hysterical Laryngitis couldn’t you just tap out something in some sort of code… you know… just to let the Neighbour of Undesirability know that you’re having a problem speaking?”

“NO. I can’t do that,” yelled Rooster.
  

“Hey… wait a second... Why are you answering in the first person?” asked Dr. Lawrence Osler of the Journal of the American Medical Association.

“Because… because… arrgh, I have laryngitis,” said the Great and Powerful Rooster.

“But you’re still talking.”

“No I’m not.”

“You just spoke again.”

“No I didn’t.”

“You just did it again.”

“Shut up.”

“You’re still talking.”

“Okay, everyone get out.”

“Do you even know what laryngitis is?”

“Get out. O-U-T OUT.”

“You’re still talking.”

“No I’m not.”

“You just did it again.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Hey, aren’t you that Rooster who’s supposed to be holding his breath until someone writes a crappy song about him?”

“Mmmmph. Mmmmmhp. Mmmph. MMM. PHmhpm.”

“Well, at least he knows what that means.”