Fernbrook Resort Freelton Officially Opens 2017 Vandalism Season

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Officially Opens 2017 Vandalism Season

Doc Ballard, His Worship the Right Honourable Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort Freelton 

  

“Grab your bats, your bricks, your rocks and your other implements of urban destruction” declared Doc Ballard, the feisty Lord Mayor of the horseshoe wearing nation, “for I now declare Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s 2017 Vandalism Season to be Officially Opened.”

Then to kick off the festivities His Worship marched over to the home of an undesirable neighbour and began vandalizing random items as a roaring crowd cheered its approval.

“This makes me so proud,” said Henrietta Hogwash while watching with her kids, “Today’s children need positive role models… and what better model for them than one of our leading citizens damaging inanimate objects for no other reason than that they’re there.”

Henrietta Hogwash brought her kids the festivities.

Said Larry Laissez-Faire, “Not only that but it’s also great for the economy. It keeps factories churning out goods. Which helps keep employment high. I just wish more people would look at vandalism as a positive instead of a negative.”

Larry Laissez-Faire says, "vandalism is great for our nation's economy!"

And Darwin Garbagedisposal was also pleased with the events “We have all these landfills sitting around empty and going to pot. So why not fill them up with items that would otherwise enjoy years of utility and continued use? I mean we can always build more landfills? Right?”

"We can always build more landfills," suggested Darwin Garbage disposal 

However the last word went to His Worship Doc Ballard, “At first I was kinda pissed off that citizens were damaging Government Buildings and Property, abandoned trailers, and the homes of undesirable neighbours prior to the official opening of the vandalism season. But then I thought, ‘hey, if we open the season early we can get some tourists in here then blame them for our own shortcomings. With elections coming up I’ve got to think strategically.’ Hey, does anyone mind if I throw a cement block through that abandoned trailer’s window,” the Lord Mayor barked to no one in particular as he picked up a cement block then heaved it through the window of a parked car.

“Hey, that’s my car,” someone yelled out.

“Oops, my bad,” yelped the Lord Mayor with a mischievous grin. “But anyone who complains about vandalism is undesirable and deserves what they get.”

“Oh… Well… I wasn’t actually complaining… Per se,” the voice replied. “And where did His Worship park his vehicle?” he asked.

“HEY! That’s not funny – I just had it detailed.”

“Don’t tell me you’re complaining?”

“Oh… No… Ummm… I… Ahhh… Hmmm.”

"It this the Lord Mayor's vehicle?"