"You Can't Run and We Can Hide," Turd Terrorists of Fernbrook Resort Freelton Declare

"You Can't Run and We Can Hide," Turd Terrorists of Fernbrook Resort Freelton Declare

"I love the smell of napoo in the morning," said Colonel Kurt Z Douche.

The tired Turd Terrorsim War conducted by the Chicken’s of Fernbrook Resort Freelton saw several fresh faeces deposits this week – to the delight of Fernbrook Resort Freelton natives – though no damaged footwear to report. Much to their disappointment.

"Where to napoo next?" ponders Colonel Douche.

To get a sense how the war is progressing this reporter talked to Colonel Kurt Z Douche of the Forces of Chicken.

“Fantastic,” was Colonel Douche’s terse response.

“My portable Poo Attacking Machine, whom I've named Sally Forth after my brave attitude, is now running at optimum efficiency. The turds are of a quality unmatched in previous attacks. Whooo boy do I ever love the smell of a fresh batch of Napoo™ in the morning,” crowed Colonel Douche. “I love that smell… faeces… it’s the smell of victory!”

"I'm not so bad... it's my douch-y human" remarked pooch Sally Forth.

So you enjoy allowing your portable Poo Attacking Machine loose on the neighbour’s lawns?

“Yes, it makes me feel so proud. It gives my heart an attack of pleasure to see my little poo factory dropping a nice log on a neighbour’s lawn. It makes me feel like I could live forever. That I’m tough. And that I am superior to those who don’t bow down and kiss the Great and Powerful Rooster’s feather covered exterior.”

So you don’t feel like a fool and a complete and utter phony pretending to be nice and polite to folk’s faces while letting your pooch defecate on their lawns when their back is turned? In other words a douche?

Colonel Douche reflects on his phoniness and lack of character.

“Who are you really?” Colonel Douche screamed suddenly, “Are you a character assassin?”

“No, I’m a journalist who viewed camera footage of you letting your pooch poop all over the neighbourhood.”

 

“You are neither. You’re an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks to collect a bill.”

And you’re nothing but a stupid large sized folic-ly challenged douche. A Douche who wears a phony face and pretends to be nice on the outside to hide the large amount of crap that you store inside. Crap that you deposit on the lawns of others. What is Fernbrook Resort going to say about you? What? Are they going to say that you were a kind man? That you were a wise man? That you had plans? Yeah you had plans? Plans of dogshit, man! But you’re so shallow you can’t even notice the complete lack of depth in your character.” 

“Oh… The horror... the horror...”

"What happens when people find out I'm an actual douche and not just a namesake?" asked Colonle Douche of himself.