Trash Talking Ramped Up at Fernbrook Resort Freelton on Christmas Eve

Trash Talking Ramped Up at Fernbrook Resort on Christmas Eve

Taking out the trash at Fernbrook Resort

You’d think that Christmas Eve would be the one time that folks would try to be polite to others what, with Santa Claus coming to town and all that… unfortunately that wasn’t the case in the Grand Nation of Fernbrook Resort this Christmas Eve.

Nope                                                                                 

A few of the neighbors banded together to spread some Christmas gossip with some of the tourist trade. Particularly about one neighbor’s home which, according to them, is just chock full of garbage. And they made sure to point this out repeatedly throughout the evening to all the tourists traipsing through town. And of course the Horrible Boobs (read past Secretes of Fenrbrook Resort to familiarize themselves with their antics) got into the game too. Pointing out other places on the property filled with trash.

If this was a Walt Disney movie no doubt it would star Pluto (for out of this world comments), Goofy (for the silly ideas) and Mickey Mouth (for the nonstop trash talking).

An irate Mickey Mouth dissing neighbors

Walt Disney's
lovable Pluto
(pre-rabies picture)

Walt Disney's Goofy
talking out his ass

[NOTE – for those who don’t know, the actual Disney character is Mickey Mouse we used ‘Mouth’ instead of ‘Mouse’ as a shout out to our many fans and readers in the lisping community. Lith-pers, YOU ROCK!]

[NOTE TWO – trash talking is a double entendre… think about it].

Neighbor's trash pile at Fernbrook Resort

Halloween Costume? Nope - just a
neighbor finally cleaning out their home

Truthfully one of the critical does have a right to complain as, after being a Fernbrook National for twenty-five years, they finally decided to part with some of their trash. Yeah, that’s right, after twenty-five years they finally decided to clean their home. Though the refuse was so toxic that the garbage men (and women) wouldn’t touch it. As a result they had to hire some good ole boys to come in and take out a quarter century’s worth of garbage. Although I guess they ran out of garbage bags because they sure missed a steaming mound of… But wow, clean your house once every quarter century and that makes you a saint. Go figure.

And at least they keep their yard clean. Yup, every February 29^th between the hours of 2:00 and 2:05 AM they clean their yard. Whether it needs sprucing up or not. Isn’t that nice of them? I bet you wish you had neighbors like that? Now if they could just repaint that classic 1982 Lada that sits on their front lawn and that they use as a guest room they’d be the envy of the Fernbrook nation.

In fact this neighboring family is so fastidious that they even own a washing machine. They purchased it over ten years ago. Of course they haven’t actually gotten around to hooking it up to water and plugging it in yet but hey, who are we to criticize such saintly people.

In fact who are we to judge our critics at all, having less than twelve years of garbage and trash in our poor home by comparison. Perhaps in twenty-five years we’ll get the last laugh.

Merry Christmas?

A little bit late for that. But we’re certainly on our way to a Happy New Year.  

How to say Happy New Year at Fernbrook Resort Freelton?

Another Round of Petty Vandalism at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Another Round of Petty Vandalism at Fernbrook Resort Freelton


Yeah.

I'm just surprised there was such a length of time between incidents.

Maybe the great nation of Fernbrook Resort should have a vandalism week. A celebration of faceless mindless destruction that fuels some poor soul's ego.

That way the vandal could get everything out of the way in seven short days and free up the rest of their calendar for more enlightening pursuits.

A declaration of war was issued previously on the 29th day of August of this year.

Let the games begin.

Steven Spielberg announces ‘The Chronicles of Rooster’ at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Steven Spielberg announces ‘The Chronicles of Rooster’ at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Monster Deal Concluded at Fernbrook Resort

It’s official! This week Dreamworks SKG concluded a deal with Stephen King to produce ‘the Chronicles of Rooster’ a series based on the main character of King’s best selling and critically acclaimed story The Coop of Gallus Domesticus ( http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2015/06/fernbrook-resort-freelton-book-review.html )

Negotiations have been ongoing for months (http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2015/07/steven-spielberg-dreamworks-skg-to.html )

Stephen King poses with
pet cat Glenn 

Said Stephen King, “My pet cat dislikes chickens of all breeds. And wanting to please my pussy I would have given the rights of this story away for free… but when Mr. Spielberg offered me twelve million plus six percent of the gross and a share in any spinoffs or merchandise, well, that sounded good to me too. So I went with it.”

Mr. Spielberg confirmed the deal on behalf of Dreamworks SKG.

“My cat also has a strong dislike for roosters. And when Stephen said his cat said the same thing to him I knew that this was a guy I could work with.”

On the surface ‘The Chronicles of Rooster’ is the story of a craven cock that constantly disturbs the once peaceful nation of Fernbrook Resor. But underneath that feather-covered exterior beats the heart of a cowardly chicken whose ego only gets boosted by skulking around and doing dirty deeds behind backs. While constantly sticking his beak up the backsides of those very same people… fooling them into thinking that he’s harmless and innocent. While he laughs at them behind their back.



Spielberg with his pet cat Ed 



“Best of all,” said Steven Spielberg, “I can finally use the word cock without getting censored by the censors. Usually I have to bleep words like that to get that family friendly rating which increases viewership. But since cock is a perfectly acceptable synonym for Rooster I can say it as much as I want and there ain’t a darn thing that the censors can do. Screw you censors!”

But that wasn’t all Mr. Spielberg had to say.

“Every time I see Rooster I just want to shout ‘You stupid cock, why don’t you quit being such a chicken and be man’,” he laughed, “but I doubt that will ever happen. Once a chicken always a chicken… ha ha… ha ha ha ha ha…” he giggled, “Silly Cock, tricks are for kids!”

Doc Ballard, Lord Mayor of the Grand Nation of  Fernbrook Resort

The Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort approved the deal stating that it added almost eighteen dollars to the state's treasury and that he loves the smell of money in the morning.   



War Against the Chickens (and other Horrible Boobs?) at Fernbook Resort Freelton?

War Against the Chickens (and other Horrible Boobs?) at Fernbook Resort Freelton?

Doc Ballard, Lord Mayor Of Fernbrook Resort:
"I officially declare this war open for business!"

Karson Krausewitz communicated as his defense:

“OHH REALLY. HMMM, how come if go look back at my comments and see that you have edited them to the nines. LIKE I SAID, GET A LIFE AND A JOB. Get out of your chair and off your computer. Ohh and also,”

Which is just a lie.

Which is not disturbing.

As one would expect nothing better from a disgraced gallus domesticus.

What is disturbing though is the fact that Krausewitz blatantly puts a lie in writing and then when caught red feathered, lies about lying.

That is disturbed.



Nostradamus working on his Quatrains



And when coupled with last night, August 28^th, which saw another petty act of senseless vandalism in the once proud nation of Fernbrook Resort…. There can be only one result - the Human Chicken War http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2014/08/human-chicken-war-looming-at-fernbrook.html and http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2015/06/human-chicken-war-looming-at-fernbrook.html , a war predicted by Nostradamus himself (and various other prophets) is now upon the nation of Fernbrook Resort as of this date, August 29, in the year of Our Lord 2015.



It is believed that the Rooster led chicken faction, for the most part, has shot their load. And so Rooster is glaringly impotent. A fact he carefully hides.



Fernbrook Resort Battle Chicken

 

Rooster: Praying to its god for
the miracle of potency



While the other side of the fight has yet to fire a shot. And so are heavily armed.



So this will not be a war of attrition.

Or a war of taking prisoners and seizing plunder.

This is a war of scorch and burn. It defeated Napoleon. It defeated the Nazis. And, just perhaps, it will defeat a bunch of chickens, horrible boobs and a disgraced Belgian Diplomat.

Let the Festivities begin.

Even Fernbrook Resort Chicks are preparing to do battle

Another Karson Krausewitz Kommunique on the Secrets of Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Another Karson Krausewitz Kommunique on the Secrets of Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Well, we’ve been remiss in checking our e-mail.

And we promise to be more diligent in the future in respect of this.

And what did we find when we checked our e-mail? An incredibly insightful missive from everyone’s favorite tarred and feathered Belgian Diplomat Karson Krausewitz. And what awesome advice did the benighted Karson Krausewitz have for us?

“Stop your childish blogs and get a LIFE, get a JOB.Get out of your HOUSE. and do something productive. Instead of sitting on your ASS and writing these stupid story's that don't even happen. Maybe if”

Again, completely unedited.

But isn’t that great? He cares so much that he’s provided some thoughtful suggestions on how we might better improve ourselves.

1)      Stop your childish blogs

We’re not certain where this comes from.  Perhaps Karson would be kind enough to provide some more info in this respect.

2) Get a life.

Well, we have a life (although we don’t know for hjow much longer we will have one). But if we didn’t have a life however would we be able to document the strange goings on in the nation of Fernbrook Resort.

3) Get a job.

Well, we are gainfully employed. Wow, Karson really seems to be striking out here.

4) Get out of your house.

We’re always out of the house. Participating in the cat whacking festival as well as many other festivities that the great nation of Fernbrook Resort has to offer. Though we have avoided the always popular feces throwing fun.

5) Get off your ass.

We don’t own an ass. Or a mule. Or any other beast of burden.

6) Stop writing stupid stories that don’t happen.

The feces throwing by neighbours. The thefts. The vandalism. All happened. And there’s still more we haven’t yet discussed.

But after much thought, Karson Krausewitz is korrect. Our time would be better spent doing other things. So we promise to never ever ever write about Fernbrook Resort again.

Good bye everyone.

Wait a sec…

…what if that’s exactly what that diabolical genius that is that krazy Karson Krausewitz wants? No more stories about the daily life at the world’s most trailer infested nation.

Huh.

That double psychology just about fooled us.

Way to go Karson Krausewitz. But we’re on to you. And we promise. More and better stories about the grand nation of Fernbrook Resort as events transpire.

Hold on to your hats folks because the fun’s about to hit the fan.

Belgian Diplomat Karson Krausewitz Savages Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Belgian diplomat Karson Krausewitz

The recently exiled Belgian Diplomatic Attache for Breakfast Foods, Karson Krausewitz, sent a series of scathing communiqués concerning Fernbrook Resort.

An Access to Information request to the Fernbrook government gained their release. Krausewitz, if you will remember, was tarred and feathered prior to being exiled from the nation of Fernbrook Resort.

　

Following is what Krausewitz had to say in an eight minute span on August 4^th :

　

Tue, Aug 4, 2015 at 11:08 PM :

Oh yea. It will sure be funny when you have a punchline. In your teeth... FUCKER!.

　

Tue, Aug 4, 2015 at 11:16 PM :

You are fucked!

　

Tue, Aug 4, 2015 at 11:16 PM :

Get a life.

　

Tue, Aug 4, 2015 at 11:18 PM :

Also my comment is majorly edited. You dumb dickcheese!!.

　

Nothing to take offense too… except that last comment. As can be seen below, Mr. Krausewitz’s comment was not edited in the least but presented exactly as he wrote it.

　

　

And let this be a lesson to all you kids at home, if you’re going to lie don’t do it in writing. People are never as dumb as you think they are.

PS – I met Dick Cheese once… and he’s no dummy.

Oprah Winfrey, The ‘L’ Word and Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Oprah Winfrey, The ‘L’ Word and Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Oprah Winfrey meets and greets some Fernbrook Resort fans!

Oprah Winfrey visited the grand nation of Fernbrook Resort this week with the mission of introducing the once reclusive nation to the world. During her stay Ms. Winfrey interviewed many of Fernbrook Resort’s famous and powerful including the Right Honourable Fredex Purolator, Earl of UPS and also the little nation’s Minister of Free Speech and Expedited Parcels.

"Our nation believes in utterly complete and free speech," crowed Purolator. "You can say what you want whenever you want to with no repercussions."

"So you have no problem with… let’s say profanity?" asked Winfrey.

"Oh, well of course not. In fact we encourage our citizens not only to swear but to do so at the tops of their lungs. Whenever the mood strikes them. Or just when they want to prove how tough they are. You know us chickens… we much prefer loud tough talk tossed from a than to getting our precious feathers ruffled."

"But what if children are present?"

"So much the better," replied Purolator. "Do you want young children learning to cuss from television? The internet? Or on the street? No! You want them to learn from mature adults. Who hide behind fences. Or inside of houses. Or some other safe place where they can act their toughness without actually having to proof that they’re tough."

Ohhhhh…..kayyyyyy," said Winfrey, "and how about name calling?"

"Exact same thing as swearing loudly and needlessly. Just do it!"

Fernbrook Resort’s Fredex Purolator, Earl of UPS
and Minister of Free Speech and Expedited Parcels gets upset

"So," said Winfrey," what if you wanted to call someone a…." and here she pulled out a list and scanned it before making a selection, "what if you wanted to call someone a… a… a… a ‘Lurch’."

"NO!" screamed Fredex Purolator suddenly, "NO! YOU NEVER CALL SOMEONE A LURCH!"

"But you just said – "

"NO!" screamed Purolator a second time. "I hate being called a Lurch. I hate it. Don’t ever say that word. It’s mean and it’s hurtful and it can hurt people’s feelings." The Minister sniffled with tears in his eyes. "Names like that can really hurt…"

"But…"

Fredex Purolator,
after getting his panties in a knot, disrobes and lurchs away 

"NO. That’s it. STOP!" Fredex Purolator said with tears in his eyes. "Never use the ‘L’ word. NEVER! I hate it! I hate being called Lurch. It’s the one thing I hate! Don’t ever say that around me. EVER! And don’t ever refer to me as a horrible boob either. Or my friends. Because that might hurt their feelings too!"

"But in all truth you do move and resemble a Lurch."

"That’s it… This interview is over…" and as the Minister started crying even harder he jumped up from his chair, ripped off all of his clothes and lurched from the interview like a five year old child screaming "Don’t call me Lurch, don’t say the word lurch…Don’t don’t don’t…"

The Most Horrible Pair of Boobs in Fernbrook Resort Freelton Did Get More Horrible!

The Most Horrible Pair of Boobs in Fernbrook Resort Freelton Did Get More Horrible!

Do you remember such frightening Fernbrook tales as "The Most Horrible Pair of Boobs in Fernbrook Resort Freelton?" (http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2015/06/the-most-horrible-pair-of-boobs-in.html) and "Did The Most Horrible Pair of Boobs in Fernbrook Resort Freelton Just Get A Little More Horrible?" (http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2015/07/did-most-horrible-pair-of-boobs-in.html) where questions were posed regarding horrible boobs?

Well the answer just became clear and that answer is YES! Horrible boobs can get more horrible.

What happened?

Well that once Potential Horrible Boob Job has lived up to it’s potential and committed to the surgery, officially becoming a third mammary gland.

Charlene Chiclet's reaction to the horrible boobs at Fernbrook Resort

What happened again?

Lurch -
Fernbrook Resort's newest horrible boiob

Well, instead of hiding behind a fence or casting names at a distance this time the former Potential Horrible Boob Job now known as (Lurch in order that it might be differentiated from the original two horrible boobs) cowered inside a coop and loudly threw out a couple of names. Before it rushed out of the coop and proudly lurched down and then back up the street... congratulating itself on both its bravery and its intelligence I guess. Not many chickens can throw out words that have two syllables [(see: "Abnormal Behaviors in Domesticated Fowl by Hamilton Hickman"  [(http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2014/08/abnormal-behaviors-in-domesticated-fowl.html)].



I would say that this is about to turn ugly – but clearly when you’re dealing with the nation’s most tasteless tits it’s much too late for that.
Let the games begin.

Fernbrook Resort Freelton in Waffle Spat with Belgium

Fernbrook Resort Freelton in Waffle Spat with Belgium



An irate Karson Krausewitz

His Worship Doc Ballard,
Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resoprt Freelton

The Exalted Nation of Fernbrook Resort rightly became the center of the breakfast world with its invention of the round waffle, an engineering feat which reduced breakfast food related tragedies by over two percent in the nation.

Hector Eggo, president of Fernbrook Resort’s
Agency for Breakfast Food Safety

Repeated Hector Eggo, newly crowned president of Fernbrook Resort’s Agency for Breakfast Food Safety: "…we invented a new waffle, one without any sharp corners. A waffle that was completely round. We called it the round waffle. Because it’s round."

Later to be renamed the ‘safety waffle’ it took the breakfast food world by storm. Earning the tiny nation hundreds of dollars in revenues.

Belgian version of the
Fernbrook Resort Safety Waffle

But all that seems ready to change with today’s announcement by the Belgian Minister of Waffle Affairs Chet Puddingmix. Said Puddingmix, "Today Belgium is issuing a newer and much safer version of the waffle…one slathered with real whipped cream… and padded with your choice of five different fruits for additional safety."

Cried Hector Eggo on hearing the news, "What the… Safer my ass! That’s nothing but a death waffle. What if a person has trouble digesting milk products? How are they supposed to stomach real whipped cream? Did they ever think of that? Those lactose tolerant bastards! And don’t even get me started on the inherent dangers of fresh fruits…"

Karson Krausewitz being
escorted from Fernbrook Resort

To get even with Belgium the Lord Mayor expelled Karson Krausewitz (Belgium’s Diplomatic Attache for Breakfast Foods) from the canine ruled nation for breakfast related espionage.

Screamed Krausewitz repeatedly as he was being tarred and feathered, "Like do you think this is fucking funny or something. Well its not!!."

Laughed His Worship Doc Ballard, "Oh yeah, it’s funny all right. And you’re the punchline! You are hereby expelled from the Grand Nation that is Fernbrook Resort. Begone."

Belgian Prime Minister Charles Michel

When the Belgian Prime Minister Charles Michel was informed of the slight he replied with surprise, "What the hell is a Fernbrook Resort?"

"That’s exactly the reply I would expect from a nation of cough syrup drinkers," yipped Doc Ballard excitedly in response, "Here’s an idea, lay off the Robitussin and come up with your own inventions instead of stealing other peoples!"

Retorted Michel, "You just made my list Fernbrook Resort, right after Brazzaville. And Liechtenstein. Screw you Liechtenstein, we’re coming for you."

The Fernbrook Resort round waffle (popularly known as the safety waffle due to it's lack of sharp corners) has become the center of a diplomatic dispute between Fernbrook Resort and the cough syrup drinking natiion of Belgium.

Feces Shortage Strikes Fernbrook Resort Freelton! But Death Threats Increase?

Feces Shortage Strikes Fernbrook Resort Freelton! But Death Threats Increase?

Fresh Feces prices and Death Threats continue to rise
on the Fernbrook Resort Stock Market

This morning we wakened to see only two smaller blackened nuggets of feces tossed on our walk. Indicating that a feces shortage has struck the grand nation of Fernbrook Resort. Which will alarm those residents who partake in this bizarre ritual of intimidation no doubt.

A check of the fresh dog feces market and the futures markets both confirm there has been a heavy uptick in prices due to the skyrocketing demand and the increasing rarity of this precious resource.

A coincidence? Or a threat?

But that wasn’t all that was found on the walk.

Apparently a field mouse expired right dead smack in the middle of the walk as well.

Or maybe it didn’t die there but rather someone placed it there.

As a threat.

You know, like you see in the movies. They send you a dead animal and a note and if you don’t cease and desist well… you cease to exist.

But if it’s a threat it’s a pretty insulting one. A mouse? C’mon! That shows absolutely no effort. It smacks of laziness.

In real life death threats consists of a nice fresh fish all wrapped in newspaper thoughtfully tied up with a string (so you don’t get your hands dirty). Or the threateners cut the head off your favorite racehorse and place it next to you in your bed so you have something to think about when you wake up.

As well, usually there’s a note, something like: "Shaddup up or youse’ll sleep wit da fishes!" and then signed ‘sincerely Karson Krausewitz’ (or some other psuedonym).

But there wasn’t a note either.

Just more laziness.

As a result we refuse to take such threats seriously.

If indeed this was a threat to 'cease and desist' describing the daily life in the Fernbrook Resort nation then we demand something more substantial. A dead giraffe perhaps. Or the head of a walrus cleaned and mounted and suitable for  display.

Member of
Fernbrook Resort's Mafia

Onlythen will we feel suitably threatened.

But a mouse?

Maybe the Chicken Mafia thinks a dead mouse threatening, but adults?

C’mon.

C’mon….

A Reply to Karson Krausewitz Komments on the Secrets of Fernbrook Resort Freelton

A Reply to Karson Krausewitz Komments on the Secrets of Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Well, the feces flingers (and there is likely more than one individual involved) reared their ugly heads this weekend with another smelly deposit. Fortunately we’re so used to watching out for these little surprise packages that no harm was caused to our footwear (or are feelings).

But that’s not all… from time to time the Secrets of Fernbrook Resort Freelton blog receives fan mail. And on July 26 we received this note from one Karson Krausewitz:

"Quit posting outrageios Lies about fernbrook. Like do you think your fucking funny or something. Well your not!!. YOU ARE A FUCKING JOKE. Remove this blog immediately! Thank you."

This is the fan mail in its entirety, unedited.

Firstly, Karson Krausewitz is very likely a pseudonym. A pseudonym for someone who is too chicken to provide their real name. Perhaps a pseudonym for someone who picks a fight. And then runs away when their challenge is accepted.

Secondly, the poor spelling, grammar etc. are artifice. Clearly forced. The note’s writer obviously feels they are smarter than everyone else. So likely a narcissist. And the only advertised narcissist in the nation of Fernbrook Resort is our little Rooster.

Strangely, you know who else used the ploy of poor spelling, grammar etc. in a series of anonymous notes? Jack the Ripper. I wonder if Rooster is planning to do a little ripping of his own?

Thirdly, the ‘outrageios Lies about fernbrook’ are anything but. The stories told are true but to steal and adulterate a line from old American police shows (like Adam-12), "The names have been changed to protect the guilty."

In fact on May 29^th in respect of Perry Mason’s investigation: http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2015/05/perry-mason-case-of-feces-flinger-and.html a fan mail was received from an individual who used their real name (withheld). The note reads in its entirety:

"Feces flinger AL has been unmasked"

Strangely enough the note’s sender does not reside in the nation of Fernbrook Resort. Even stranger, there are two, three and perhaps more AL’s in Fernbrook Resort. How would someone who does not live in the nation of Fernbrook know that?

Now we’re not saying that this ‘AL’ is flinging feces… the above comment "Feces flinger AL has been unmasked" is just an unproven allegation. But because more than one size of dog feces has been involved in the flinging, sometimes from a small dog and sometimes from a much larger dog, so either the flinger has two dogs or this ‘AL’ is delivering feces to Rooster to fling (if Al is not doing it himself). Again, this is just a theory and not proof.

But one point did just Dawn on me… if someone named AL is flinging feces onto people’s properties or abetting others in this practice… than naming him is just Desserts.

Grexit: Fernbrook Resort Freelton to Apply for Admission to European Union (EU)

Grexit: Fernbrook Resort Freelton to Apply for Admission to European Union (EU)

Doc Ballard, Lord Mayor of the trouble-making nation of Fernbrook Resort announced that his nation would be applying for admission to the European Union or EU.

His Worship, Doc Ballard

Though it was pointed out to His Worship that the EU gives membership preference to nations that are actually physically located in Europe this did not seem to deter the Lord Mayor.

Laughed Doc Ballard, "How could they turn us down? I mean if they allow a nation called Greece to join… What… Do we have to change our name to Lard? Or perhaps they prefer something fancy like Mayonnaise?"

Then the Mayor mocked the EU by using a smooth 1930’s travelogue voice while intoning, "the tiny nation of Mayonnaise, with its stately capital of Hellmann’s, is located high atop a rocky escarpment. Feted for annual traditions that include the flinging of feces and the whacking of cats citizens dress in a variety of colourful…" he trailed off laughing again.

Fernbrook Resort Freelton displays its wealth

"Besides," Ballard said returning to his normal voice, "After checking my dryer for loose change I’ve determined that Fernbrook Resort is now more fiscally sound than the poorly-lubricated nation of Greece," the Lord Mayor yipped shrilly, "so how can they possibly say no."

And if the European union were still to say NO to the Grand Nation of Fernbrook Resort?

Premium Grade Salad Croutons from
a Fernbrook Resort mine.

"Then let them be warned that we shall cut their supply of salad grade croutons."

Fernbrook Resort of course is renowned for their low yield yet high quality crouton mines.


"We shall not be defied," the Lord Mayor barked even more shrilly, "Europe, you have been warned. Insult us and you will make our list. Just like Philadelphia. And Millgrove. Screw you Millgrove," the Lord Mayor barked again, "We’re coming for you!"

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Proposes to Capture Infant Labour Market

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Proposes to Capture Infant Labour Market

Infant labour force proposed by Fernbrook Resort

In an effort to expand its economy during the increasing worldwide recession the tiny canine ruled nation of Fernbrook Resort announced this morning plans to employ low cost infants. The initiative is an effort to lure jobs away from China and India and other employment-stealing nations.

Nestor Spacecadet:
Minister of Pandering for Economic Development

Said the Minister of Pandering for Economic Development, Nestor Spacecadet, "I was watching 60 Minutes the other night and they had a segment on child labour in third world countries and it hit me... we have all these infants lazing around with nothing better to do than watch Mr. Rogers or Barney or whatever, why not put the lazy little carpetbaggers to work?"
And that’s exactly what the nation plans to do.

Confirmed Greenjeans, "We can use the tykes in mines, on assembly lines, deep sea fishing… there’s not much they won’t do if you tell them it’s what Santa Claus wants."

When pressed about accidents other nations faced when employing cheap labour, particularly fires in the manufacturing sector, the Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort responded.

Doc Ballard - Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort

"We got that covered," His Worship barked benevolently, "As a safety conscious nation we’re going to build our factories out of low cost asbestos materials. And if that ain’t safe enough for you we’ll also provide asbestos jumpers to all our little employees for a nominal fee… because when you think safety the first word that comes to mind is asbestos."

Protective Asbestos Baby Jumper

Asked where exactly they would purchase the asbestos Greenjeans replied, "from Canada of course. Canada is one of the world’s top asbestos exporting nations. When they’re not clubbing the hell out of defenseless seal pups they’re mining and selling asbestos to unsuspecting third world nations. Maybe one day we can be a third world nation," the Minister smiled .

Chimed in the Lord Mayor sadly, "And it's too bad we don’t have any seal pups… What I wouldn't give to.. "

New cars for Fernbrook Resort citizens!

Economic projections for the little nation indicate that if successful, every pot will have a rooster and every garage will have one of those foot-powered Flintstone-style cars.

Did The Most Horrible Pair of Boobs in Fernbrook Resort Freelton Just Get A Little More Horrible?

Did The Most Horrible Pair of Boobs in Fernbrook Resort Freelton Just Get A Little More Horrible?

Now Playing: Two Horrible Boobs - The Sequel?

Remember: http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2015/06/the-most-horrible-pair-of-boobs-in.html?

And ask yourself... can a horrible pair of boobs get any more horrible?

Well apparently they can.

How?

By simply grafting a third boob somewhere close to the original pair .

And that appears to be exactly what this horrible pair of boobs may have done. We say may because you hate to jump to conclusions.

For the last forty hours or so the gardens of been both horrible boob free and feces flinging free… a remarkable accomplishment though no Guinness World Record. (http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2014/07/no-guinness-book-of-world-records-dog.html)

And then what happened?

Potential Horrible Boob Job?

Well, during an afternoon of sporting, allegedly Rooster was crowing to the Potential Horrible Boob Job about some annoying neighbours… the ones who complain when Rooster flings feces on their property, or self-righteously complain about his other harassment’s.

Then, not too long after Rooster’s whines, the Potential Horrible Boob Job walks out of Rooster’s home and struts back and forth very loudly uttering profanities and insults to an empty yard. Though some adjoining yards weren’t empty.

Now you hate to jump to conclusions and if it had just been random profanities then hey, maybe Potential Horrible Boob Job (PHBJ) was just blowing off some steam. But when you add in the insults… insults that you would not call yourself but some have no trouble tossing at others… well, either PHBJ was mad at himself… or PHBJ wanted someone else in particular to hear.

Someone who Rooster has been desperately trying to have evicted from the Grand Nation of Fernbrook Resort.

And knowing Rooster’s proclivity of manipulating those he feels are less intelligent than himself which includes all children, selected women and anyone who falls for his chicken in wolf's clothing O-poor-me-please-won’t-you-help-me spiel… then perhaps this was no simple coincidence.

Why?

By manipulating others to do his harassment Rooster can crow, "It wasn’t me!" and escape unscathed.

Unfortunately that’s not the way it works.

This is a situation where there are no winners.

Just losers.

But if you want to see who the true Loser is… just look in the mirror.

Because Loser, thy face is you.

A picture is worth a thousand words

Steven Spielberg Dreamworks SKG to Option Stephen King Fernbrook Resort Freelton Property?

Steven Spielberg Dreamworks SKG to Option Stephen King Fernbrook Resort Freelton Property?

The property in question is Stephen King’s latest best selling horror masterpiece ‘The Coop of Gallus Domesticus’, http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2015/06/fernbrook-resort-freelton-book-review.html , the story of a trailer park cock gone completely bad.

Stephen King and Steven Speilberg recently met at Fernbrook Resort’s fabulous Whack-a-Cat Festival (http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2015/05/fernbrook-resort-freelton-announces.html) and got to talking about King’s latest work.

King poses with a victim

Offered Steven Spielberg, "I’ve always wanted to capture a story involving talking animals and this is a story about talking animals so it’ll be one more thing I can knock off my bucket list."

Spielberg preparing to 'Whack-a-Cat'

Said Stephen King, "I have never liked the way Steven Spielberg spells his first name but with the money he’s offering me he can spell his name any way he likes."

Replied Steven Spielberg, "When King wins an Oscar than he can tell me how to spell my name but until then he should keep a tighter rein on his piehole."

Spielberg went on to reveal that he has been an avid reader of the Secrets of Fernbrook Resort soap opera since day one, laughing and crying variously over such funny and diverse episodes as:

Meth Labs, Coke Dens and Trailer Trash at Fernbrook Resort, Freelton (http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2014/08/meth-labs-coke-dens-and-trailer-trash.html)

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Implicated in "The Interview" SONY Hacking Scandal

(http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2014/12/fernbrook-resort-freelton-implicated-in.html)

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Ontario – The Epic Mini-Series of the History of a Canine Ruled Nation

(http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2015/03/fernbrook-resort-freelton-ontario-epic.html)

Spielberg went on to say that King’s characterization of the malevolent Cock, a character that pops up in many episodes of Fernbrook, was reminiscent of Paul Newman’s Hud Bannon portrayal. "But I don’t think I would make a movie of Coop," Speilberg went on to say, "I see this as a weekly serial… weekly and perhaps even daily episodes revolving around Cock… the content of which would capture the shock and righteous indignation of the public."

Mr. Spielberg finished by saying, "Most importantly, I can finally use the word cock without it being considered an insult and I can show a cock without it being considered pornography."