Fernbrook Resort Freelton Initiates Youth Substance Abuse Program

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Initiates Youth Substance Abuse Program

Proposed cure for Fernbrook Resort's ills?

The tiny nation of Fernbrook Resort Freelton, a world leader in the manufacture of gossip, is now moving to protect their nation’s youth by cracking down on the use of phonics by their children.

"Now that I have the electricalicity I wiz watchin’ a doc-o-umentiry about these poor chilldun who was hooked on foniks," said Martha Muffintop, "so I’z checked my young’un’s room and she had a whole box of foniks… ‘cept is was spelled p-h-o-n-i-c-s. But I figured it was the same thing… just more fancy like… Soz I’z aksed her where she get that and she said the school done give it to her. Thass when I knew we were in trouble. And I yanked her from school. I done wan no chile o’ mine hooked on no evul substinces."



Martha Muffintop crusades against 'fonix'

Muffintop wasn’t alone and as word spread parents and guardians throughout Fernbrook Resort began pulling their children from the nation’s schools. Soon Muffintop founded a group called Parents Against Phonics (PAP).

This was followed by PAP demonstrations,, groups of parents picketing both schools and Board’s of Education, demanding that evils of phonics be removed from the nation’s schools. And asking that an abuse program be established to wean addicted children off of the allegedly noxious methodology.




Said Minister of the newly titled Office of Edumacashun for Fernbrook Resort Chuck Fulofnutts, "I tried to explain that what they saw was a thirty second infomercial, not a documentary, and that phonics was a method of teaching our nation’s children language and grammar skills… that’s when they called me a witch and threatened to burn me at the stake."



Fernbrook Resort child expresses
his opinion of fonix and phonics

Fernbrook Resort's soon to be
 executed Minister of 'Edumacashun

That was the point the Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort, Doc Ballard, stepped in, "if voters don’t want their children associated with the evil evil menace of phonics then I can hardly disagree if it means four more years for me. And if they want to burn someone at the stake, what harm could that do. Let them have their fun. Of course we’ll have to raise taxes but I’m sure they’ll understand… stakes don’t grow on trees you know…"

Present during the demonstrations was Satan, Lord of Evil, and when pushed for a comment he replied, "you just have to love electricalicity…"


Satan on a recent visit to Fernbrook Resort