Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort Freelton Declares: ‘cleanliness is next to dogliness’

Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort Freelton Declares: ‘cleanliness is next to dogliness’

Doc Ballard critically
examining his 'appearance'.

It’s true, the Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Result Freelton is bucking the trend of fancy makeovers and dressing up… and is now dressing down.

"Screw bow ties and body wash and those ridiculous little booties, I’m the Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort," said His Worship, "I don’t have to impress everybody, everybody has to impress me… and even then I may not be impressed."


When asked how His subjects might impress him the Lord Mayor replied, "well, for starters, by giving my bum a good stiff sniff. Because there’s nothing I like better than a not-too-cold nose inserted firmly but briefly in between the cheeks of my buttocks... a gesture like that shows that you respect me."

Surgeon General of Fernbrook Resort Pedro Shortsleeves

But that wasn’t all, Doc Ballard demurred to the Surgeon General of Fernbrook Resort, Pedro Shortsleeves, who announced the implementation of new personal sanitary rules designed to improve the hygiene of the nation’s citizens.

"Chief among these rules," said Shortsleeves proudly, "is the banning of showers and baths. Instead all citizens are to indulge in self-cleaning with the use of their tongue… or the tongue of a trusted loved one for those hard to get at nooks and crannies. And they may do this whenever the mood strikes them. At home. In a restaurant. On our nation’s subway’s and transit systems."

Cleon Styrofoam
Minister of the Environment for Fernbrook Resort 

Interjected Cleon Styrofoam Minister of the Environment, "I really like this initiative, not only is it great for the local watersheds but the hairballs can serve as playthings for ghetto kids."








Added the Lord Mayor, "I have always believed that cleanliness is next to dogliness… and now I’m going to prove it!"

The new and improved Doc Ballard, Mayor of Fernbrook Resort 

 

Said Satan, "Don’t blame this on me… this is the fault of that demon electricity."

Satan relaxes before a roaring fire after a hard day of evil
 and basic naughtiness