Fernbrook Resort Freelton Legalizes Electricity

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Legalizes Electricity

In a surprise announcement made early this morning the tiny nation of Fernbrook Resort legalized the use of electricity. For years citizens of the tiny nation based high up on the Niagara Escarpment had been forced to smuggle jars and cans of the precious commodity into the nation in order that they could partake of life’s most mundane pleasures – but now all that is about to change.

Remarked citizen Esther Wilson, "the first thing I’m going to do [when I get my electricity] is enjoy a cool refreshing glass of hot water."

Ben Franklin Discovering Electricity

Announced the Lord Mayor Doc Ballard: "Previous government administrations banned electricity because they thought it was magic… or that electricity was the tool of the devil. But our research shows that Ben Franklin invented electricity… while flying a kite. Or something like that… but most importantly that you can bill people for using electricity. And if there is one thing that we all know there is nothing evil about money."

Nestor Lumpkin - Fernbrook Minister of
Electricity and all things Magicky

Nestor Lumpkin the former plus size model for Jordache Jeans and current Minister of Electricity and all things Magicky for Fernbrook Resort said, "The first item on our agenda has been to fill a giant tub with water and then heat it to a relaxing temperature… hopefully this novelty of heated water in an outdoor setting will attract numerous guests to our fine nation and serve as a boon to our national economy."



When Lumpkin was asked if the nation might go one step further and heat an entire pool of water he replied, "whoa whoa whoa, we’re not some rich nation like North Korea… or Millgrove… that can just throw good money after bad. We’re responsible. We spend our money when it can be pried from our purses."

Interrupted the Lord Mayor, "Yeah, we’re definitely not like Millgrove. Screw you Millgrove," he growled ferociously, "We’re coming for you!"



Doc Ballard, Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort,
proudly shows off his new booties

In an effort to get the press conference back on track Jones then shocked the assembled members of the press by yelling, "who wants to join me for some hot tubbin’?" as he quickly stripped down to an extremely tight-fitting European Speedo the size of a washcloth.

Journalists rushed for the exits signaling the end of the conference.

Lumpkin Goes 'Hot Tubbun'

Editor’s note – Satan was contacted for a comment on the ‘evilness’ of electricity and he responded by tapping the tips of his fingers together while repeatedly muttering the word, "Excellent."

File Photo of Satan at Work