Waffle Related Accidents Decrease by 2% at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Waffle Related Accidents Decrease by 2% at Fernbrook Resort Freelton


"Owwwww…" wailed little Susie Speedbag, then, after running here tongue over the ‘ouchie’ she added, "Momma, I think I hurted my mof!"



Susie Speedbag:
Permanently Disfigured in Breakfast Food Accident 

And indeed she had. While biting into a waffle the dangerous breakfast treat bit back leaving a horrendous half millimeter long gash in little Susie’s gumline.





Waffle Activist Wilma Speedbag

Said Wilma Speedbag, Susie’s mother, "I was absolutely floored… to think that a such a normally docile food could cause such a tragedy. Of course I immediately called 911 and we rushed her to the hospital… but it was too late. There was no hope for her. Oh, she survived, but she’s going to be scarred for the rest of her life. The inhumanity…" she teared up.


Weeks later Speedbag was knocked flat by an idea.

She was researching convalescent homes dedicated specifically to those disfigured in breakfast food tragedies when she came across a chat site discussing waffle related injuries.

"After reading some of the stories of waffle eaters breaking limbs and losing eyes while ploughing through a stack of waffles I realized what the problem was… in every case it was the sharp corner of the waffle that was causing injury. So I contacted Fernbrook’s Bureau That Deals with Things with Sharp or Pointy Corners and submitted my research to them."



A dapper Hector Eggo

The dangerous and now banned sharp cornered waffle 

Hector Eggo, Director of that same Bureau, was stunned by Speedbag’s research. 

"Quite honestly, we never saw this coming. Imagine… being injured by a waffle. Huh. Anyway… when someone complains to the government you have to pander to them or risk biased treatment in the Fernbrook Resort media. So we invented a new waffle, one without any sharp corners. A waffle that was completely round. We call it the round waffle. Because it’s round."

Fernbrook Resort Round Waffle
(also called a 'Safety Waffle')

But that wasn’t enough for Wilma Speedbag. She went to the Lord Mayor’s Office and asked that a law be passed, a law that banned the sale of sharp edged waffles.



Gerturde Gherkin - pictured because of her pleasing facial features

"Yeah, Speedbag was here," said clerk Gertrude Gherkin, "something about waffles or whatever. Quite honestly I could care less. You play with waffles and sometimes you get cut. C’est la vie. You gotta take responsibility for the things you bring upon yourself… Anyway since we passed some stupid law and she hasn’t been back since. Thank God for small favours."


Thank God indeed.

And thanks too to Wilma Speedbag’s refusal to waffle on the dangers of waffles, since her campaign waffle related injuries have declined by almost 2% in Fernbrook Resort… and the nation is much safer for her efforts.