Fernbrook Resort Freelton Opens 'Military Disneyland' called Patriot Park

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Opens 'Military Disneyland' called Patriot Park

 

Entrance to Fernbrook Resort's Military Theme Park

Fernbrook Resorts Lord Mayor arrived by helicopter and spoke in front of a military choir and balalaika orchestra, who belted out a patriotic number, announcing to a large throng: "Welcome to Patriot Park: fun for the entire family!"

If your family has a militaristic twist that is... as the theme park is part of Fernbrook Resort’s military-patriotic indoctrination of young people."

Fernbrook Resort family
 test driving an anti-feline tank

Child playing with grenade launcher 

Lunch consists of army rations, shopping is mainly for military accessories, and instead of riding rollercoasters children can play with grenade launchers and clamber over heavy weaponry.

The vast military theme park was officially opened by His Lord Mayor on Saturday at a time of heightened patriotism and military rhetoric in the wake of Fernbrook Resort’s dispute with the cat lovers of Millgrove.

Catholic anti-cat coalition posing with 12 guage meowsers

Doc Ballard said the theme park would be "an important element in our system of military-patriotic work with young people".

"Children should come here, play with the weaponry and climb on the tanks and see all the most modern technology, which they would not have known about before."

Ballard added during his short speech that the Fernbrook Resort military was developing several new pieces of hardware that had "no equivalents in the world", including the next-generation tank specifically designed to fight the feline menace.

Fernbrook Resort’s deputy defence minister,
Lester Mouthwash

Fernbrook Resort’s deputy defence minister, Lester Mouthwash, said that Millgrove was "provoking an arms race" with Fernbrook Resort.

Jens Stoltenberg, secretary general of NATO, later responded by accusing Fernbrook Resort of unjustified feline-mongering. "This sabre-rattling of Fernbrook Resort is unjustified," he said. "It’s destabilizing and it’s dangerous."




Morton Roadrash leader of the pro-Fernbrook Resort biker group the Night Dogs, who were touring Patriot Park on its first day, said: "When I look at all this stuff it makes me feel proud of Fernbrook Resort and realise that we have something to answer Millgrove with. They wouldn’t dare to press the button."



Morton Roadrash of the 'Night Dogs'

"In past times the army was a distant, faraway thing, but now we all feel closer to the army. The army is being romanticised and I see that as a good thing," Rash said. "If we don’t educate our own children then Millgrove will do it for us … like we have seen in Carlisle."

Hotels and entertainment centres will be opened on the grounds, which should allow families to visit for several days and make a holiday of it, according to promotional literature distributed at the launch. The park is due to be fully completed in 2017, and will cost Fernbrook Resort’s defence ministry over 20 billion, according to the Fernbrook Shopper newspaper. Visitors will be able to ride tanks, shoot guns and play extreme sports.

Fernbrook Resort family aiming for some fun

"I think this park is a gift to Fernbrook Resort citizens, who can now behold the full power of the Fernbrook Resort armed forces. Being here gives you a sense of internal self-sufficiency and makes you confident that we can defend our territory," said the Lord Mayor, "So Millgrove better watch out... 

Lord Mayor Doc Ballard