This just in…
…get this… allegedly Rooster Boy has been trolling some of the Grade D chickens of the Fernbrook resort populace. Why? Allegedly Rooster is searching for someone who knows a biker or two looking to earn a little bit of extra cash. And who would be willing to take out some trash. Trash that may or may not be a living and breathing person. (Talk about a Joy-less Mickey mouse arrangement).
But seriously?
Loudly advertising for a hitman? Or two? That’s just plain stupid! So stupid that it makes those felons on America’s Dumbest Criminals (Tuesday at 9:00 PM Central, 10:00 PM Pacific & Mountain Time) look like Jeopardy contestants (Monday-Friday check your local tv listings).
Now I’ve never solicited for a murder but after a voluminous study of the case files of one Perry Mason I have learned that when you want someone dead – you don’t go around loudly advertising that you’re looking for a hitman (or hitwoman). Unless you’re a narcissist of course. Then you would do exactly that because you’re much too smart to get caught.
But since you’re bound and determined to advertise that you need help in your alleged murder-for-hire plot, here’s an idea – since your loud crowing can’t attract the desired employee, why not try Craigslist or Kijiji? And to get you started, here’s a template ad for a hitman (or woman) you can use.
(Ad template courtesy of Rooster of Fortune magazine).
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– Wanted: Hitman or Hitwoman –
I am an equal opportunity employer but as woman are inferior to Roosters (as are all other people but especially woman) women agree to accept a reduced rate.
Mileage reimbursed at 64 cents / kilometer.
Meals: All you can eat Purina Instant Rooster Chow ™
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And don’t forget to include your name, address, home phone and cell numbers in your advertisement – because the law enforcement community is much too dumb to nab a Rooster with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. A regular Rooster - Yeah! But you? Not a chance hombre!
Cock-a-Doodle-Right!
(That’s chicken sarcasm for those of you who don’t own a Chicken-to-English dictionary).
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