Fernbrook Resort of Freelton’s Dog Feces Dumping Festival

Well… quite honestly it’s not really a festival. But it certainly isn’t the Easter Bunny who’s placing little surprises around the yard. Perhaps it’s some strange yet to be discovered creature that’s dropping off little tiny brown logs that are halfway to copralite.

Confused? So are we! Here’s the lowdown.

After a long tough winter, like many of our neighbors our yard was a candidate for federal disaster relief. We worked overtime sprucing it up in an effort to make the gardens and yard of our eyesore of a trailer home more appealing to our holier-than-thou trailer park neighbors. And, finally, after countless hours spent cleaning up, we added a few plants.

And it was around this time that we started discovering dog feces planted around the walk and in the gardens. And it wasn’t just regular dog feces. Nope. This was desiccated dog feces. Now at first we thought that we had just missed a spot or two in our cleaning. But we kept finding more. And, always, in strategic places. Right in the open beside the walk or else right beside a newly planted plant. There was no way that we could have missed cleaning up that much feces.  

That’s when we clued in… someone must be depositing the feces. Sounds paranoid I know but that is the only answer (other than for that strange undiscovered creature that is yet to be named) that we could come up with.

What kind of ‘person’ (notice the quotes) would do such a thing? Who would be so chicken that instead of confronting their neighbor and airing their grievances… instead would stoop so low and plant desiccated dog feces around their neighbor’s property. I wonder, did they purchase one of those K-Tel Food Dehydrators from a late night infomercial and, after they finish dehydrating some grapes and tomatoes for themselves they throw on a side order of dog feces for anonymous delivery to their neighbor? I think if anyone around here offers our family some dehydrated treats that we’ll be taking a pass. You can never be to careful.    

But how do you even respond to persons or people who are so gutless or immature or… or chicken that they deal with their problems by sending their opponents a dish of freshly dehydrated dog feces?

The truth of the matter is, is that you can’t. You never get to face human chickens. You just end up dealing with all their crap. Or their dog’s. If they have one.