Fernbrook Resort Freelton Book Review of Stephen King’s ‘The Coop of Gallus Domesticus’

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Book Review of Stephen King’s ‘The Coop of Gallus Domesticus’

Metternich poses for a portrait between plots

The antagonist of the story is a controlling Cock that manipulates and maneuvers friends and family using machinations that Prince Klemens von Metternich would envy. Always crying ‘wolf’ and ‘poor me’ when the truth of the matter is that playing the poor ole me card gives Cock the sympathy needed to exploit others – making him the actual wolf… in a rooster’s guise.

The story revolves around the Cock’s insecurities. As a neighboring animal fixes up its den, Cock’s becomes increasingly neglected and dilapidated… and this is the root of his rage. He is to proud to lower himself to the level of menial labour. Or maybe he’s unsure of how a hammer works. Either way his coop decays.

Amon Goeth preparing to go for a recreational swing

Cock is the Amon Goeth of the chicken world, always watching and thinking evil. But a Goeth that never pulls the trigger himself. Cock’s power comes not from creating anything but by destroying everything he comes in contact with and manipulating others to pull the trigger and destroy those things that Cock envies. Manipulating others to do his destruction makes him feel powerful.

Cock works to drive the neighbor away. By spreading calumnies. By harassment. By vandalism. By petty thefts. And all through this his mate covers for him… complaining that it is not Cock that is the problem but the horrible neighbor that they are forced to suffer.

Cock plots of a pipe bomb (standard fare stolen from a John Grisham novel) because they’re quite untraceable. But his mate (a Karla Homolka type personality?) talks him out of it because of their three children. She’s not worried about the neighbors who sleep twelve feet away. She’s only worried about her chicks.

They plan a birthday celebration and invite all the other animals to their coop so that they can point out what an eyesore their neighbor’s den is. But when the den gets renovated, afraid of looking stupid, they change the venue of their festivities to save face.

Cock manipulates his mate into flaunting herself to the neighbor in some weird plan to get the neighbor thrown out of the park. But the plan backfires and the entire neighborhood all pity her while snickering at her at the same time. But our Cock doesn’t care because this drives her closer to him and gives him more power over her.





Chicken behind bars at Reading Gaol

Cock plots a burglary of the rival’s den using friends and his brother while he works on his alibi. But the unseeing eye that sees everything but itself catches the criminals. And Cock deserts his friends and family. "I had nothing to do with it," he crows, "I was working on my alibi at the time." The criminals get their just desserts, i.e. his brother loses his government job etc. etc., and Cock feels more powerful by destroying the lives of others while escaping himself unscathed.

Cock plans to poison the neighbor’s garden but, instead, manipulates his hen to vandalize the plot. And during a power blackout during the dead of night his mate is successful as he watches from a nearby window. Unfortunately a neighbor sees them and informs the local constabulary. And Chick Protective Services takes her chicks away. Making Cock feel more powerful again that he can destroy gardens and familial bonds but remain unscathed himself once more.

But the neighbor works and rebuilds the property once again.

So Cock takes his neighbor to court on a trumped up complaint and through his feather-brained poor ole me ploys he fools the judge into ruling that Cock is the aggrieved party and so the neighbor must depart.



The Cock of Fernbrook Resort?

Cock than makes the neighbor’s former den his own. And then proceeds to destroy every thing that the neighbor had built and improved, den and garden. Crowing quietly to himself all the time that he is the great and powerful Cock and that he is lord and chicken over all.

A sad mate?

His mate, seeing this, and hearing this, finally realizes that Cock is a destroyer, demolishing every thing he touches. And realizes that Cock never builds anything up or raises his level but, instead, tears every thing down, bringing every thing to his level. But having leveled everything close to her as well as him she has nowhere to go. And is forced to live out her increasingly sad remaining years in the decaying Coop of Gallus Domesticus.

What a poor sad pair of horrible boobs.

The Coop of Gallus Domesticus

NEW Stephen King Announces Gothic Horror Tale to be set in Fernbrook Resort Freelton

NEW Stephen King Announces Gothic Horror Tale to be set in Fernbrook Resort Freelton

The Coop of Gallus Domesticus

Stephen King announced to his many fans today that he was putting the finishing touches on a ‘Trailer Park’ Gothic Horror story to be tentatively titled: The Coop of Gallus Domesticus.

Cock: The main character in King's new novel

To be set at Freelton’s Fernbrook Mobile Home Resort the book has a George Orwell Animal Farm flavour with all the major characters being modeled on animals.

"Originally I was just going to have a book filled with animals that mooed and barked and crowed."

And that’s scary?

George orwell - denies having read the works of Dr. Suess 

"I thought so. But it made it hard for the reader to follow the plot. So I did a major revision of the dialogue… substituting human speech for animal sounds. "

"Nothing is scarier than talking animals," declared Mr. King, "Except for devious talking animals. Or a horrible pair of boobs."

King confirmed that his new opus had exactly two horrible boobs in it.

When asked if he was ripping off Orwell in respect of the talking animals King replied, "Maybe Orwell ripped off Dr. Suess… because Suess had talking cats and elephants and crap like that long before Orwell. I’m going to make Orwell’s farm look like a family owned petting zoo… my animals would scare the feathers off of a chicken. Orwell couldn’t scare the smell from a monkey."



A very ticked off Stephen King

Then the author stood up and angrily declared the interview to be over.

Hilarious Fernbrook Resort Freelton Mafia Engages in Feces Throwing Tactics

Hilarious Fernbrook Resort Freelton Mafia Engages in Feces Throwing Tactics

The feces throwing has returned to Fernbrook Resort Freelton… but we all had a good laugh over it this time

I was talking to my neighbors and they had the most curious story to relate. Apparently they had spent the day working hard to clean up their property. And the next morning when they went out side someone had deposited some logs of dog feces in a very noticeable spot on their freshly minted and tidy yard.

Moderately aged feces delivered by
Fernbrook Resort's Mafia

At first they thought a stray had stopped by to deposit its business. But on closer inspection the feces was hard and blackened… like it had been out in the sun for a couple of days. Meaning that someone must have placed it there. After they had just spent the entire day cleaning up.

Being new neighbors I gave them the 911 on the Fernbrook Resort Mafia… of which they were completely unawares. If you try to clean up your property and make it tidier than theirs I warned them, then the Fernbrook Resort Feces Mafia will deposit dog feces on your property – as a warning to stop tidying up.

OR ELSE!

The Horrible Boobs Mafia
in their Feces-Deliveringmobile? 

Well, they declared, that is just about the stupidest type of Mafia that they’d ever heard of. Trying to intimidate people by throwing feces onto their property. Who would run such a stupid anti-tidiness intimidation ring… some horrible pair of boobs they asked?

The intimidating Rooster Mafia of Fernbrook Resort Freelton

I replied that it might be a pair of horrible boobs… or it might be a giant chicken… a rooster perhaps.

Then we all had a good loud laugh.

Because who doesn’t laugh at chickens.

Or horrible boobs.

Waffle Related Accidents Decrease by 2% at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

Waffle Related Accidents Decrease by 2% at Fernbrook Resort Freelton


"Owwwww…" wailed little Susie Speedbag, then, after running here tongue over the ‘ouchie’ she added, "Momma, I think I hurted my mof!"



Susie Speedbag:
Permanently Disfigured in Breakfast Food Accident 

And indeed she had. While biting into a waffle the dangerous breakfast treat bit back leaving a horrendous half millimeter long gash in little Susie’s gumline.





Waffle Activist Wilma Speedbag

Said Wilma Speedbag, Susie’s mother, "I was absolutely floored… to think that a such a normally docile food could cause such a tragedy. Of course I immediately called 911 and we rushed her to the hospital… but it was too late. There was no hope for her. Oh, she survived, but she’s going to be scarred for the rest of her life. The inhumanity…" she teared up.


Weeks later Speedbag was knocked flat by an idea.

She was researching convalescent homes dedicated specifically to those disfigured in breakfast food tragedies when she came across a chat site discussing waffle related injuries.

"After reading some of the stories of waffle eaters breaking limbs and losing eyes while ploughing through a stack of waffles I realized what the problem was… in every case it was the sharp corner of the waffle that was causing injury. So I contacted Fernbrook’s Bureau That Deals with Things with Sharp or Pointy Corners and submitted my research to them."



A dapper Hector Eggo

The dangerous and now banned sharp cornered waffle 

Hector Eggo, Director of that same Bureau, was stunned by Speedbag’s research. 

"Quite honestly, we never saw this coming. Imagine… being injured by a waffle. Huh. Anyway… when someone complains to the government you have to pander to them or risk biased treatment in the Fernbrook Resort media. So we invented a new waffle, one without any sharp corners. A waffle that was completely round. We call it the round waffle. Because it’s round."

Fernbrook Resort Round Waffle
(also called a 'Safety Waffle')

But that wasn’t enough for Wilma Speedbag. She went to the Lord Mayor’s Office and asked that a law be passed, a law that banned the sale of sharp edged waffles.



Gerturde Gherkin - pictured because of her pleasing facial features

"Yeah, Speedbag was here," said clerk Gertrude Gherkin, "something about waffles or whatever. Quite honestly I could care less. You play with waffles and sometimes you get cut. C’est la vie. You gotta take responsibility for the things you bring upon yourself… Anyway since we passed some stupid law and she hasn’t been back since. Thank God for small favours."


Thank God indeed.

And thanks too to Wilma Speedbag’s refusal to waffle on the dangers of waffles, since her campaign waffle related injuries have declined by almost 2% in Fernbrook Resort… and the nation is much safer for her efforts.





 

The Most Horrible Pair of Boobs in Fernbrook Resort Freelton?

The Most Horrible Pair of Boobs in Fernbrook Resort Freelton?



Typical reaction to horrible pair of boobs
when sighted at Fernbrook Resort Freelton

These aren’t your garden variety boobs… they’re the kind of boobs you wouldn’t want to see in your garden. Or in anybody else’s for that matter.




A  shocked Chardonnay Souffle

"They are horrible," moaned Chardonnay Souffle.



Holly Bodywash 'refunding' a recent meal

"I’m bulimic and I still lost my lunch after seeing them," confirmed Holly Bodywash soon after a noonday meal consisting of half a Ritz cracker and a thimbleful of water..








Brooke Streamington

"When I saw them (the boobs) I turned and ran," admitted paraplegic beauty Brooke Streamington.






A visibly shaken Hugh Hefner

"I never saw a boob I didn’t like," said Hugh Hefner candidly, "but when I saw this pair I screamed like a six year old school girl."









The pair of boobs in question are comparables to the mean girls in a Lindsay Lohan movie. Except in this case one of the girls is a metro. But otherwise it’s an accurate comparison.

They are adults (sic) who carry on like Fernbrook Resort is their own personal high school. And they act like they are the Prom King and the Prom Queen of Fernbrook Resort. They rule the roost. So they’re above question. Because they are Fernbrook Resort royalty. The King and Queen of Fernbrook Resort.

And they can and do act this way because they are much much smarter than everyone else. So they can manipulate everyone else. Without anyone else being the wiser.

Including you.

Including me.

I don’t know which is worse… that they don’t realize what a horrible pair of thoughtless bullying boobs they’ve become.

Or that others don’t have the backbone to stand up to them and tell them what a horrible pair of boobs they really are.

But there are no other words for it… they are most definitely the most horrible pair of boobs in all of Freelton’s Fernbrook Resort.


 

Fernbrook Resort Freelton to apply for NHL Franchise

Fernbrook Resort Freelton to apply for NHL Franchise

The National Hockey League has announced potential expansion plans and the tiny nation of Fernbrook Resort has declared themselves NHL ready.

Wilbur Clorox, Minister of Sport and Bleach for Fernbrook Resort

Said the Minister for Sport and Bleach Wilbur Clorox, "I really love baseball, I never miss a game… and having a local team to root for would be great. You can only watch so much Mexican D-League baseball…"






Natioanl Hockey League Logo

When it was pointed out that the NHL was a professional ice hockey league the Minister replied, "…oh …uh… you mean that sport played by Americans? …the one with the touchbacks?"

After a brief explanation of the rough and tumble game and it’s Canadian popularity Clorox laughed and said, "I thought those seal herding Canadians only played non violent games… like hopscotch… and tetherball. But if nowhere villages like Tar-on-toe and Mon-real can have a professional sports franchise then we’re a shoo-in!"

And the name of the new Fernbrook Resort ice hockey team?

The Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort, Doc Ballard, answered this query.

His Worship Doc Ballard, Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort

"The Fernbrook Flyers," he said.

When it was pointed out that the NHL already had a team with the Flyers moniker, based in Philadelphia, His Worship barked angrily, "You just made my list Philadelphia… right after Millgrove. Once we’re done with Millgrove we’re coming for you…"



Gary Bettman

The head of the National Hockey League, Gary Bettman was contacted for a response but he declined to comment on the tiny nation’s chances on being awarded a team as, "it may taint the process."








Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort Freelton Declares: ‘cleanliness is next to dogliness’

Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort Freelton Declares: ‘cleanliness is next to dogliness’

Doc Ballard critically
examining his 'appearance'.

It’s true, the Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Result Freelton is bucking the trend of fancy makeovers and dressing up… and is now dressing down.

"Screw bow ties and body wash and those ridiculous little booties, I’m the Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort," said His Worship, "I don’t have to impress everybody, everybody has to impress me… and even then I may not be impressed."


When asked how His subjects might impress him the Lord Mayor replied, "well, for starters, by giving my bum a good stiff sniff. Because there’s nothing I like better than a not-too-cold nose inserted firmly but briefly in between the cheeks of my buttocks... a gesture like that shows that you respect me."

Surgeon General of Fernbrook Resort Pedro Shortsleeves

But that wasn’t all, Doc Ballard demurred to the Surgeon General of Fernbrook Resort, Pedro Shortsleeves, who announced the implementation of new personal sanitary rules designed to improve the hygiene of the nation’s citizens.

"Chief among these rules," said Shortsleeves proudly, "is the banning of showers and baths. Instead all citizens are to indulge in self-cleaning with the use of their tongue… or the tongue of a trusted loved one for those hard to get at nooks and crannies. And they may do this whenever the mood strikes them. At home. In a restaurant. On our nation’s subway’s and transit systems."

Cleon Styrofoam
Minister of the Environment for Fernbrook Resort 

Interjected Cleon Styrofoam Minister of the Environment, "I really like this initiative, not only is it great for the local watersheds but the hairballs can serve as playthings for ghetto kids."








Added the Lord Mayor, "I have always believed that cleanliness is next to dogliness… and now I’m going to prove it!"

The new and improved Doc Ballard, Mayor of Fernbrook Resort 

 

Said Satan, "Don’t blame this on me… this is the fault of that demon electricity."

Satan relaxes before a roaring fire after a hard day of evil
 and basic naughtiness

 

Some Cheep Cheep Cheaping at Fernbrook Resort Freelton?

Some Cheep Cheep Cheaping at Fernbrook Resort Freelton?

This tale was captured by Croatian émigré Mike Prabolic a new citizen of Fernbrook Resort. ‘Mini-Mic’ as he likes to be called is identifiable by a pair of big ears and penchant for listening attentively to the words of others.

Fernbrook Resort citizen Mike Prabolic

And, following, is a conversation Mike is alleged to have captured during the weekend’s eviction party. (An eviction party is a premature party held by some citizens and some in the bureaucracy to celebrate the future revocation of citizenship of a member of the Fernbrook Resort nation.)

Allegedly everybody’s favorite Hen was complaining about some cheap neighbours. "They’re so cheap cheep cheap, she cheeped to a friend, "that they refused to pay their electricalicity bill in full. Ur ur ur ur urrrrrrrrrr….." she crowed before she tucked her head under her wing and fell fast asleep.

Fernbrook Resort's favorite Hen

And as it turned out, this tale of cheapness is true.

The bureaucracy of the nation of Fernbrook Resort has recently begun billing its citizens for their use of electricity. However when a citizen goes to pay, some have been overbilled. As an example, if the total bill equaled $130 the bureaucracy might errantly collect $150… and they would too… if you didn’t check your billing that is. So all Fernbrook Resort citizens, (especially those who have pre paid their electric bills), should check their totals and cash accounts for accuracy.

Though according to our Hen, if someone refuses to overpay a bill, to pay money they don’t owe, then they’re cheap. So if you’re not cheap then don’t check.

Another thing, this is the first time I have ever heard Ol Henny cheeping in support of the Fernbrook Resort bureaucracy. Always her and her significant other gripe and complain about how bad the state of the nation is.

And this incident also raises other and more serious questions… how did our Hen learn the name and the specifics of other citizens personal dealings with the Fernbrook Resort bureaucracy? Because she admitted being told the tale by an unnamed other.

If the bureaucracy of Fernbrook Resort is revealing the personal matters of one citizen with another (or Red is doing so), this is a breach of personal privacy.

An invasion of one's privacy could raise one or more of the following claims in tort law:

1. Intrusion of Solitude

2. Appropriation of Name or Likeness

3. Public Disclosure of Private Facts

4. False Light

The law does allow for civil lawsuits for the claim of invasion of privacy. (That means you won’t go to jail… but it’ll cost ya.)

Oh, and one more thing, congratulations to Rhode Island Red for taking up martial arts, boxing and/or kickboxing. Now she can stand up and fight for phonics. And everybody else that’s being threatened by bullies.

Satan enjoying his work 

 

And of course we had to get a comment from Satan: Stated Satan, "Maybe they’re right… maybe this electricity stuff really is evil… Out, damned electricity! Out, I say… Fie, my lord, fie… Ha ha ha ha ha, I’m just yanking your chain… truthfully I just can’t get enough of electricity… I only wish Ben Franklin had invented it sooner…"

 

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Initiates Youth Substance Abuse Program

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Initiates Youth Substance Abuse Program

Proposed cure for Fernbrook Resort's ills?

The tiny nation of Fernbrook Resort Freelton, a world leader in the manufacture of gossip, is now moving to protect their nation’s youth by cracking down on the use of phonics by their children.

"Now that I have the electricalicity I wiz watchin’ a doc-o-umentiry about these poor chilldun who was hooked on foniks," said Martha Muffintop, "so I’z checked my young’un’s room and she had a whole box of foniks… ‘cept is was spelled p-h-o-n-i-c-s. But I figured it was the same thing… just more fancy like… Soz I’z aksed her where she get that and she said the school done give it to her. Thass when I knew we were in trouble. And I yanked her from school. I done wan no chile o’ mine hooked on no evul substinces."



Martha Muffintop crusades against 'fonix'

Muffintop wasn’t alone and as word spread parents and guardians throughout Fernbrook Resort began pulling their children from the nation’s schools. Soon Muffintop founded a group called Parents Against Phonics (PAP).

This was followed by PAP demonstrations,, groups of parents picketing both schools and Board’s of Education, demanding that evils of phonics be removed from the nation’s schools. And asking that an abuse program be established to wean addicted children off of the allegedly noxious methodology.




Said Minister of the newly titled Office of Edumacashun for Fernbrook Resort Chuck Fulofnutts, "I tried to explain that what they saw was a thirty second infomercial, not a documentary, and that phonics was a method of teaching our nation’s children language and grammar skills… that’s when they called me a witch and threatened to burn me at the stake."



Fernbrook Resort child expresses
his opinion of fonix and phonics

Fernbrook Resort's soon to be
 executed Minister of 'Edumacashun

That was the point the Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort, Doc Ballard, stepped in, "if voters don’t want their children associated with the evil evil menace of phonics then I can hardly disagree if it means four more years for me. And if they want to burn someone at the stake, what harm could that do. Let them have their fun. Of course we’ll have to raise taxes but I’m sure they’ll understand… stakes don’t grow on trees you know…"

Present during the demonstrations was Satan, Lord of Evil, and when pushed for a comment he replied, "you just have to love electricalicity…"


Satan on a recent visit to Fernbrook Resort



Human Chicken War Looming at Fernbrook Resort Freelton (Part II)

Human Chicken War Looming at Fernbrook Resort Freelton (Part II)

Well, here’s the latest scuttlebutt from the nation the world knows as Fernbrook Resort.

Allegedly Rooster and Rhode Island Red have been complaining to the Lord Mayor’s Office about a certain property. That it’s an eyesore, that the yard is a mess, that the house is full of trash and so on.

There are lots of properties in the tiny nation that could use some spit and polish. Weed filled yards. Eaves trough hanging. Unkempt lots. Plants growing in the eaves. You get the picture. But they only complained about one property. All the other trash filled garbage strewn properties of Fernbrook Resort are just fine with them.

Allegedly again the property under criticism has cleaned up a tad.

And Rhode Island Red’s alleged lament? "We are going to look so stupid [for complaining]!"

And Rooster’s alleged response voiced in a group setting, "We should all go over there and mess it up."

But of course no one took him up on it.

And Rhode Island Red’s alleged rejoinder later that evening "We can’t do anything now… they’ll know it was us."

"We’ll get kids to do it." Rooster is alleged to have indicated (precedent for this: http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/search?q=fagin)

"Well just don’t get our kids involved."

So it looks like the human chicken was predicted previously (http://fernbrookresort.blogspot.ca/2014/08/human-chicken-war-looming-at-fernbrook.html) may soon draw nigh and the Boston Tea Party of this conflict will be a garden variety attack if it indeed does take place.

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Opens 'Military Disneyland' called Patriot Park

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Opens 'Military Disneyland' called Patriot Park

 

Entrance to Fernbrook Resort's Military Theme Park

Fernbrook Resorts Lord Mayor arrived by helicopter and spoke in front of a military choir and balalaika orchestra, who belted out a patriotic number, announcing to a large throng: "Welcome to Patriot Park: fun for the entire family!"

If your family has a militaristic twist that is... as the theme park is part of Fernbrook Resort’s military-patriotic indoctrination of young people."

Fernbrook Resort family
 test driving an anti-feline tank

Child playing with grenade launcher 

Lunch consists of army rations, shopping is mainly for military accessories, and instead of riding rollercoasters children can play with grenade launchers and clamber over heavy weaponry.

The vast military theme park was officially opened by His Lord Mayor on Saturday at a time of heightened patriotism and military rhetoric in the wake of Fernbrook Resort’s dispute with the cat lovers of Millgrove.

Catholic anti-cat coalition posing with 12 guage meowsers

Doc Ballard said the theme park would be "an important element in our system of military-patriotic work with young people".

"Children should come here, play with the weaponry and climb on the tanks and see all the most modern technology, which they would not have known about before."

Ballard added during his short speech that the Fernbrook Resort military was developing several new pieces of hardware that had "no equivalents in the world", including the next-generation tank specifically designed to fight the feline menace.

Fernbrook Resort’s deputy defence minister,
Lester Mouthwash

Fernbrook Resort’s deputy defence minister, Lester Mouthwash, said that Millgrove was "provoking an arms race" with Fernbrook Resort.

Jens Stoltenberg, secretary general of NATO, later responded by accusing Fernbrook Resort of unjustified feline-mongering. "This sabre-rattling of Fernbrook Resort is unjustified," he said. "It’s destabilizing and it’s dangerous."




Morton Roadrash leader of the pro-Fernbrook Resort biker group the Night Dogs, who were touring Patriot Park on its first day, said: "When I look at all this stuff it makes me feel proud of Fernbrook Resort and realise that we have something to answer Millgrove with. They wouldn’t dare to press the button."



Morton Roadrash of the 'Night Dogs'

"In past times the army was a distant, faraway thing, but now we all feel closer to the army. The army is being romanticised and I see that as a good thing," Rash said. "If we don’t educate our own children then Millgrove will do it for us … like we have seen in Carlisle."

Hotels and entertainment centres will be opened on the grounds, which should allow families to visit for several days and make a holiday of it, according to promotional literature distributed at the launch. The park is due to be fully completed in 2017, and will cost Fernbrook Resort’s defence ministry over 20 billion, according to the Fernbrook Shopper newspaper. Visitors will be able to ride tanks, shoot guns and play extreme sports.

Fernbrook Resort family aiming for some fun

"I think this park is a gift to Fernbrook Resort citizens, who can now behold the full power of the Fernbrook Resort armed forces. Being here gives you a sense of internal self-sufficiency and makes you confident that we can defend our territory," said the Lord Mayor, "So Millgrove better watch out... 

Lord Mayor Doc Ballard

International Pothole Thieves Target Tiny Nation of Fernbrook Resort Freelton

International Pothole Thieves Target Tiny Nation of Fernbrook Resort Freelton

A gang of International pothole thieves ransacked the tiny canine ruled nation of Fernbrook Resort Freelton this week, plundering the nation of one of its most precious and treasured landmarks, the pothole.
 


Fernbrook Resort main highway now devoid of potholes 

A saddened Amanda Hugnkis

Sniffled Amanda Hugnkis, "Wherever are we going to go to bathe? Where will our children play? Who would do such a thing?"

Moaned Cornelius Blather, "I’ve parked my car in the same pothole for over twenty years and now where am I supposed to park? Some sort of… of… parking space?" he shuddered sadly.



Family Photo of Blather's
Treasured Parking Pothole 

Distraught Fernbrook Resort
Resident Cornelius Blather

  
"It’s true," whispered Doc Ballard the Lord Mayor of Fernbrook Resort sadly, "they’re gone. All Gone. This is truly a sad day for our nation... the inhumanity... we’re going to have to cancel the 22^nd Pothole Olympics which were scheduled to open next month… this will be a disaster for our nation’s fragile economy."

Official Logo of the 22nd Pothole Olympics

In a related bit of news, Chester Williams won his appeal regarding his recent job dismissal and has been reappointed as the head of Fernbrook Resort’s Pothole Preservation Bureau.

"Damn communists... This wouldn’t have happened on my watch," screamed an irate Chester Williams, "but I do promise you this, I am going to bring back every single last one of these potholes or my name isn’t Esther Williams."

A noticeably irate Chester Williams

When it was pointed out that his name was actually Chester we were told to "Shut your friggin’ piehole commie!"

And when asked how he planned to return the potholes Williams replied, "Tracking devices. Previously we had installed tracking devices in each and every one of our nation’s many thousands of potholes. And I am going to track them to where they’re sold, on the black markets of Morocco, Russia, Millgrove… wherever… and bring them back. By next spring I promise you each and every pothole will have been returned to it’s rightful place bigger and better than ever. And maybe I’ll install some new ones as well!"

Chester Williams for Lord Mayor anyone?